The Telephone

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The Telephone Libretto

(In Lucy's apartment. As the curtain goes up, Lucy is

busy opening a gift box which Ben has just handed to

her)

LUCYOh! Just what I wanted.

she unwraps a piece of abstract sculpture

LUCYThank you!

BENI'm so glad you like it!

BENNow, Lucy, I've something to tell you.

BENI'm going away.

LUCYOh, dear! When are you going?

My train leaves in an hour.

LUCYOh, I'm sorry!

BENBut before I go

BENI would like to ask you something.

LUCYYes, dear.

BENYou know how much I've always liked you.

LUCYYes, dear?

BENWell, then…

BENI was just wond'ring…

BENthat is, of course, after I come back…

BENIf you would consider...

LUCYWhat, dear?

BENI don't quite know to tell you.

the telephone rings

LUCYExcuse me. Hello! Hello!

LUCYOh, Margaret, it's you.

LUCYI am so glad you called,

LUCYI was just thinking of you.

LUCYIt's been a long time since you called me.

LUCYWho? I? I cannot come tonight.

LUCYNo, my dear, I'm not feeling very well.

LUCYWhen? Where? I wish I could be there!

LUCYI'm afraid I must not. Hello? Hello?

LUCYWhat did you say, my darling?

LUCYWhat did you say? Hello? Hello?

LUCYPlease speak louder!

LUCYI heard the funniest thing!

LUCYJane and Paul are going

LUCYto get married next July.

LUCYDon't you think it is the funniest thing

LUCYyou ever heard? I know... of course...

she giggles

LUCYAnd how are you?

LUCYAnd how is John?

LUCYAnd how is Jean?

LUCYYou must tell them that I send them my love.

LUCYAnd how is Ursula,

LUCYand how is Natalie,

LUCYand how is Rosalie?

LUCYI hope she's got ten over her cold.

LUCYAnd how is your mother,

LUCYand how is your father,

LUCYand how is dear little granny?

nodding

LUCYHa, ha! Ha, ha!

Shaking her head

LUCYHa, ha! Ha, ha!

LUCYOh, dear! Well then, good-bye.

LUCYI am so glad you called,

LUCYI was just think of you.

LUCYIt's been a long time since you called me.

LUCYYes, you already told me that.

LUCYNo my darling, of course I won't forget!

LUCYYes, goodbye, my dear, good-bye

LUCYYes my darling, good-bye. Yes!

LUCYHa, ha! Ha, ha!

LUCYThat's the funniest thing I ever heard!

LUCYAnd how are you,

LUCYand Bets, and Bob,

LUCYand Sara, and Sam?

LUCYYou must tell them that I send them my love.

LUCYAnd how is the pussycat, how is the dog?

LUCYOh, I'm so glad! Goodbye!

LUCYYes, Margaret!

LUCYAll right, all right!, good-bye!

LUCYNow, Margaret, goodbye! So long.

she hangs up

LUCYThat was Margaret!

BENYou don't say.

LUCYIsn't she funny?

BENShe is a scream!

LUCYWould you like to know what she told me?

BENI'd love to, but not now...

BENIt is getting and there is so much

BENI have to tell you.

LUCYAll right, go on.

LUCYWhat is it, darling?

the telephone rings

LUCYExcuse me. Hello! Hello!

LUCYWhat are you saying?

LUCYWhat number do you want?

LUCYWrong number!

LUCYWhy must they always pick on me

LUCYwhen they get the wrong number?

BENWhy, indeed!

BENBut now will you please listen to me?

BENThe time is getting shorter.

LUCYWould you like to know the exact time?

LUCYJust wait.

Lucy dials, than she hangs up

LUCYIt is four fifteen and three

LUCYand half seconds.

BENOh!

BENThank you. But now, please,

BENwill you listen to me?

LUCYOf course, what else have I done? Go on then.

BENWell, as we were saying,

BENyou know how much I've always cared for you...

BENso, I was just wond'ring... that is, of course,

BENafter I come back...

BENif you would consider

the telephone rings

BENOh! I'll go insane!

LUCYI'm sorry. Hello? Hello?

LUCYWhy, George, it's you!

LUCYBut why must scream at me so!

LUCYWhat do you mean!

LUCYWho ever told it to you?

LUCYI never said that about you!

LUCYIf you don't believe me you can call up Phyllis!

LUCYHow dare you say such a thing!

LUCYStop using such language!

LUCYNo... yes... no, no, I mean...

LUCYI swear it isn't true!

LUCYHow can you believe that I'd say such a thing?

LUCYNow listen to me!

LUCYI'm not going to stand it if you call me names!

she giggles the receiver

LUCYHello? Hello?

spoken

LUCYMurder!

she hangs up and bursts into tears

BENListen, Lucy, listen, now don't you cry.

BENThere is something I must tell you.

BENListen, Lucy, listen, dear, don't you cry,

BENlift your face and dry your tears. Listen,

BENLucy, listen dear

LUCYOh, you don't understand!

LUCYLet me go and get a handkerchief.

Lucy exits

BENTry again and again. What else can a man do

BENexcept wait and then try and wait

BENAnd then try once again?

BENI'd rather contend with lover,

BENhusband, or in-laws, than

BENThis two headed monster who comes unasked

BENand devours my day.

BENFor this thing can't be poisoned or drowned.

BENIt has hundred of lives and miles of

BENUmbilical cord.

BEN(he notices a pair of scissors on table. He arms

himself with them and approaches the telephone

BENslowly and menacingly. Suddenly the telephone rings

BENout loudly and desperately, like a child crying for help.

Lucy rushes in and takes the telephone protectingly

BENin her arms)

LUCYYou wicked man! What were you doing to it?

BENI... I was only trying...

LUCYThe poor thing! Shame on you! Put them down!

BENI assure you it was all in self defence.

LUCYYou must have hit it first!

BENLucy, can we two have a quiet talk?

LUCYYes, dear, but first I must call up Pamela.

BENPamela? Why must you call her now?

LUCYI must tell her of my quarrel with George.

BENCan't you tell her afterwards?

LUCYOh, no, I must get hold of her before she hears

LUCYit from some body else.

together

It will only take a moment,

LUCYI will make it very short.

It will only take a moment,

LUCYI will make it very short.

LUCYIt will take me just a minute,

LUCYI will make it very short.

BENLucy, dear, please not now.

BENI shall soon be gone.

BENLucy, dear, please not now.

BENI shall soon be gone.

BENCan't you wait until I go?

BENBut I have not time to lose.

BENOh, all right, but please hurry!

Lucyl dials

LUCYHello!, this is Lucy.

LUCYI must had a quarrel with George...

LUCYover the telephone.

LUCYShall I tell you all about it?

LUCYIt all began on Sunday,

LUCYwhen Jean and I went skating.

LUCYWe got on the trolley

LUCYand met Meg and Molly,

LUCYso we sat down next to them.

LUCYI've known both Meg and Molly for years,

LUCYand thought they were my friends.

LUCYBut what they have done to me now

LUCYI'll never forget.

LUCYThey started asking if I had seen George,

LUCYand now I know why

LUCYI said I had seen him once;

LUCYthat's all they wanted to know.

LUCYSo one thing led to another,

LUCYand while we gabbed about George.

LUCYI told them what you told me

LUCYyou had heard about him and Joe.

LUCYYes, I told them what you told me

LUCYyou had heard about him and Joe.

LUCYI know I was a fool,

LUCYbut now It is too late.

LUCYThey told him what I told them

LUCYyou had told me.

BENI've waited hour after hour,

BENbut she will never stop.

BENI must tell her I love her,

BENbut that thing will not let me,

BENand now I have to go and she will never

BENand she will never know.

LUCYOf course, I said, "Oh, George, my darling,

LUCYhow can you believe that I'd say such a thing,

LUCYyou know that in me you have a true friend"

LUCYBut he wouldn't believe me,

LUCYand cursed me up and down,

LUCYand kept calling me names,

LUCYyes, all sorts of names.

LUCYAnd then I said "Oh George, my darling,

LUCYif you don't believe me

LUCYyou can call up Phyllis and ask her

LUCYto tell you whether or not is true"

LUCYOf course I had to lie, what Else was I to do?

LUCYBut oh, you'll never know how much

LUCYI went through.

LUCYOh, you'll never know how much

LUCYI went through.

together

BENI've waited hour after hour

BENbut she will never stop.

BENI must tell her I love her,

BENbut that thing will not let me,

BENand now I have to go, and she will never,

BENand she will never know.

BENI heard that before.

BENShe only stops to start again.

BENIf I stay I'll go mad!

BENThere's only one thing left,

BENthere's only one thing left.

LUCYI thought I would die; Ah! Ah!

LUCYI am so glad that you understand.

LUCYAnd now, let's say good-bye.

LUCYI want to think it over,

LUCYif anything else should happen today

LUCYI promise to call you again.

LUCYGood-bye. Good-bye.

Ben exits

LUCYOh, where has he gone?

LUCYHe left me alone with my telephone.

LUCYI wander what he wanted to tell me?

LUCYI have feeling he had something on his mind.

LUCYWill he come back?

LUCYBy now he must be on the train.

LUCY(at one side of the stage a curtain is drawn,

LUCYrevealing a public telephone booth somewhere

LUCYin the city Ben is seen in it, dialing a number)

LUCYI don't know why I feel depressed.

the telephone rings

LUCYOh! It must be he! It must be he!

LUCY(she quickly powders her nose and

LUCYfixes her hair)

LUCYHello?

BENHello!

LUCYWhere are you, my darling?

BENI'm terribly near you, right next to your ear.

LUCYDid you miss your train?

BENNot yet.

But why did you leave me,

LUCYand what was the thing

LUCYyou so wanted to tell me?

BENWill you marry me?

LUCYOh, Ben! Of course I will marry you!

LUCYYou know that I love you.

LUCYSo why, my darling, did you wait so long

LUCYto ask me what you already knew?

BENBlessed invention, extend your forgiveness!

BENFrom now on this shall be that form

BENOf love which people call "L'amour à trois".

BENI must go now.

LUCYOh, not just yet.

BENI'll miss my train.

LUCYNo, no, you still have time.

BENWill you wait for me?

LUCYOh, Ben, of course I will wait,

LUCYbut please don't be long.

together

BENAs long as you have a phone

BENyou'll never be alone.

LUCYI'll wait by the phone, but darling,

LUCYdon't be long. And while you're away...

BENYes?

LUCYDon't forget...

BENYour eyes?

LUCYNo...

BENYour hands

LUCYNo...

BENYour lips?

LUCYNo...

BENWhat, then?

LUCYMy number!

BENYour number?

together

LUCYOh! Please don't forget to call my number,

LUCYmy darling, remember to call it every day

LUCYmy number, my number.

LUCYOh! Please don't forget to call my number,

LUCYmy darling, remember to call it every day.

LUCYYou always can reach me

LUCYby ringing this number,

LUCYby ringing this number.

BENI'll never forget to call your number,

BENyes dear, I'll remember to call it every day

BENyour number, your number,

BENI'll never forget to call your number.

BENYes, dear, I'll remember to call it every day

BENI always can reach you

BENby ringing this number,

BENby ringing this number.

LUCYYou'd better write it down

LUCYso you won't forget it.

LUCYStevedore two...

Ben struggles with a pencil and paper

BENStevedore two...

LUCYThree...

BENThree...

LUCYFour...

BENFour...

LUCYNine...

BENNine...