Rebecca, Who slammed Doors for Fun and Perished Miserably
Paul Patterson
A Trick that everyone abhors
In little girls is slamming Doors
A wealthy banker's little daughter
Who lived in Palace Green, Bayswater,
By name Rebecca Offendort,
Was given to the furious sport.
She would deliberately go
And slam the door like Billy-Ho!
To make her Uncle Jacob start.
She was not really bad at heart.
It happened that a marble bust
Of Abraham was standing just
Above the door the little lamb
Had carefully prepared to slam.
And down it came! It knocked her flat!
It laid her out! She looked like that!
Her funeral sermon (which was long
And followed by a sacred song)
Mentioned her virtues, it is true,
But dwelt upon her vices too,
And showed the dreadful end of one
Who goes and slams the door for fun!