Machine

My machine, my machine, meet my fine new machine:

note its clever design, see its marvellous sheen.

Now, I hear it's the first with this all-improved screen

that can function as friend, fridge, page, pet and latrine.*

Oh how neatly it fits in your bag, hand or brain;

it can film all your daydreams and switch off the rain;

it puts time in reverse if you're missing a train –

and when troubled, just switch all its settings to SANE.

For this thing was designed by a top engineer

to delete chance and boredom and wonder and fear,

so if feeling fed up with the hour, day or year,

simply turn to the menu and click **disappear**.