La Grande-Duchesse de Gérolstein
Offenbach, Jacques
Responsief blok lib/tran/syn
Grande Duchesse Gerolstein Libretto
SYSTEMTHE GRAND DUCHESS OF GEROLSTEIN
a Comic Opera in Three Acts
Music by Jacques Offenbach
CAST:The Grand Duchess of Gerolstein
CAST:Wanda (a Peasant, betrothed to Fritz)
CAST:Fritz (a Recruit)
CAST:Prince Paul (Son and Heir of the Elector of Steis-stein-steis, etc.)
CAST:Baron Puck (Chamberlain)
CAST:Nepomuc (Aide-de-Camp)
CAST:General Boum (Commander-in-Chief)
CAST:Baron Grog (Emissary of the Elector of Steis-stein-steis, etc.)
CAST:Officers in the Grand Duchess' Army
CAST:Colonel Macrobrunner
CAST:Captain Hochheim
CAST:Lieutenant Nierstein
CAST:Maids of Honour
CAST:Iza
CAST:Olga
CAST:Amelie
CAST:Charlotte
CAST:Ladies of the Court, Officers, Ushers, Soldiers, and Vivandieres.
SYSTEMACT I.
SCENE.
An Encampment of Soldiers.
CAST:CHORUS. - SOLDIERS, PEASANT GIRLS, and VIVANDIERES.
CAST:Before their/our martial ranks they/we serry,
CAST:And march to face the foeman's host;
CAST:We'll drink to life that's short and merry,
CAST:For that's the proper soldiers' toast!
CAST:Sing on, quaff on, dance on, laugh on!
CAST:Playtime passes, court your lasses,
CAST:Fill your glasses;
Sing, and laugh, and dance, and quaff,
CAST:And drink and drink it down!
CAST:Then here's to joy, and down with sorrow,
CAST:Let's drink and drive dull care away!
CAST:Who knows if we shall meet to-morrow?
CAST:So let us have our fling to-day!
CAST:During the Chorus, some of the Soldiers waltz
CAST:with the Peasant Girls, other play the drum,
CAST:others drink. Vivandieres serve out liquor.
Enter FRITZ and WANDA , and come down C.
WANDAAh! my Fritz, I'm full of fears,
WANDAIf you go so far away.
FRITZDon't you, now, shed any tears,
FRITZI'll return without delay!
FRITZSONG and CHORUS. - FRITZ.
FRITZMaidens, never mind us,
FRITZTwirling round and round,
FRITZYou'll be left behind us,
FRITZYou'll be safe and sound.
FRITZBut your friends and neighbours
FRITZHave to march away,
FRITZFacing shot and sabres
FRITZFor a bob a day.
FRITZIf a bullet's billet,
You are doomed to fall,
FRITZTake your glass and fill it,
FRITZLaugh and drink with all!
FRITZDrink and sing a ditty,
FRITZGood-bye to the past -
FRITZAll the more's the pity
FRITZIf this cup's our last!
FRITZCome, girls that are winning,
FRITZCome, lads that can hop,
FRITZWe'll dance till we drop,
FRITZDon't stop! don't stop!
FRITZAh!
FRITZWaltz until we drop,
FRITZWaltz and never stop,
FRITZLike teetotum spinning,
FRITZLike a humming-top!
CHORUSDance till we drop,
CHORUSDance on, nor stop,
CHORUSLike teetotum spinning,
CHORUSLike a humming-top!
Waltz. While it is most animated, enter GENERAL BOUM
CHORUSby hill at back L. His cocked hat is surmounted by an enormous plume.
CHORUSHe
CHORUSstops and looks indignantly at the scene.
(coming down).
BOUMWhat! women in our camp! How extremely improper!
The women run off R. and L.
(in front, aside).
FRITZBah! Here's the good old bore!
BOUMLook here, you scamp, to this I'll put a stopper!
FRITZA private soldier, too,
FRITZCan have a heart like you,
FRITZAnd love as others do!
(coming towards FRITZ).
BOUMYou again! Always you!
FRITZBut, if you please -
BOUMDon't answer!
BOUMOne single word you will regret -
BOUMYou know that I'm a martinet!
BOUMCHORUS of SOLDIERS.
BOUMRemember that, lads, don't forget,
BOUMWe know he is a martinet!
SONG. - GENERAL BOUM with CHORUS of SOLDIERS.
When I shout, through the battle's thunder,
BOUMCannons may roar;
BOUMBut I strike with fear and wonder
BOUMWhole army corps!
BOUMAs corn that bends in stormy weather,
BOUMAll grovel flat,
BOUMWhen they behold the warlike feather
BOUMOn my cocked hat!
With a burst
BOUMSo pif, paf, poof, tarapapa poom,
BOUMFor I am the General called Boum Boum!
CHORUSSo pif, paf, poof, tarapapa poom,
CHORUSFor he is the General called Boum Boum!
BOUMAnd when victory's wreath has crowned me,
BOUMI reappear,
BOUMI have a crowd of ladies round me,
BOUMAll fond and dear.
BOUMThey try to kiss me, all together,
BOUMAnd I must say,
BOUMAt such time my warlike feather
BOUMIs in the way!
With a burst
BOUMSo pif, paf, poof, tarapapa poom,
BOUMFor I am the General called Boum Boum!
CHORUSSo pif, paf, poof, tarapapa poom,
CHORUSFor he is the General called Boum Boum!
OFFICERLong live General Boum!
Mild cheers.
BOUMThank you comrades! For we all serve the Grand
BOUMDuchess, our Sovereign.
ALLLong live the Grand Duchess!
Loud cheers.
BOUMThat's right, lads! I am proud to command
BOUMsuch a gallant set of fellows - with one exception.
BOUMWhere's Fritz?
(aside).
FRITZH'm! Me, of course!
BOUMPrivate Fritz - one pace forward - march!
(advancing).
FRITZGeneral!
BOUMYou're no soldier!
FRITZOh! I know all about that!
(frowning).
BOUMEh! What's that?
FRITZIt's the old story - a young lady at the bottom of it all.
BOUMWhat are you talking about?
FRITZI wonder at a man of your experience, General,
FRITZtrying it on with a little girl like Wanda.
FRITZShe's bespoke. She'd never look at you!
BOUMYou infernal scoundrel!
FRITZNow, with all your epaulettes, you know, sir,
FRITZto a girl a young private's uniform is just
FRITZas smart as an old general's.
BOUMI'll give you six months' cells for this.
FRITZThat's not the way to please her.
BOUMI'll have you jolly well shot!
FRITZThat's one way to get rid of me.
BOUMYou're no soldier!
FRITZShe don't think that.
BOUMI don't even know your girl!
FRITZExcuse me, General, you know her right enough,
FRITZand from what she's told me -
Enter NEPOMUC.
NEPOMUCGeneral!
(fiercely).
BOUMTell me that the enemy are approaching!
BOUMWhere are the enemy? Let me get at 'em!
Tugs at and half draws sword.
NEPOMUCNo, General, I've been sent to tell you that
NEPOMUCher Highness the Grand Duchess is coming
NEPOMUCto inspect her grand army!
(to men).
BOUMAttention!
NEPOMUCHer Highness has graciously signified her intention
NEPOMUCof camping with the troops.
Exit
BOUMWe'll put on an extra sentry. Private Fritz!
(aside).
FRITZH'm! Me again, of course!
BOUMPrivate Fritz, you're for guard.
FRITZWhat?
BOUMGo on sentry at once - post yourself!
FRITZI tell you frankly, General, it ain't a job I hanker after.
BOUMSilence when you're speaking to an officer!
FRITZWhere's my beat?
BOUMYour beat extends round her Highness's tent.
FRITZWhere's her Highness's tent?
BOUMIdiot! it's not yet pitched. You have to guard the pitch.
FRITZWho's going to steal the pitch? It's a silly idea -
FRITZto my way of thinking - to stand and guard a pitch.
FRITZWhy, a child wouldn't want you to do such a thing.
BOUMSilence!
FRITZI was only going -
BOUMDon't you dare to grumble when warned for duty!
To the soldiers.
BOUM- Fall in! Front! (etc., words of command.)
Drums roll. Soldiers take their arms
and form into two ranks at back of stage.
(who has taken up his gun from the right-hand corner
and stands looking on in an unconcerned way).
FRITZGoing for a walk, General?
(speechless with rage).
BOUMNow, 'pon my soul, this is too much!
BOUMWhat I am going to do doesn't concern you.
To soldiers.
BOUM- By your left - quick march!
Exeunt soldiers R. and L. at back to reprise of "Pif, paf, poof."
BOUMFRITZ remains on sentry duty. While the soldiers go off,
GENERAL BOUM approaches FRITZ.
BOUMYou're no soldier!
Exit GENERAL BOUM running to catch up his army.
(alone, on sentry duty).
FRITZJolly hard lines -
FRITZcoming narking a chap when he mustn't answer back!
FRITZBut there, these old general officers, they're all alike.
FRITZIf there's a girl about the place they must be all for them.
FRITZThen it's "Orderly, why the devil haven't you varnished
FRITZmy confounded boots" - or it's "Orderly,
FRITZtwo days' cell for not cleaning my infernal epaulettes!"
FRITZPoor old chaps! If they only knew - girls don't set store
FRITZon epaulettes and Hessians.
FRITZThey far prefer a fine young fellow
FRITZwith only cotton facings and regulation boots,
FRITZso long as he is a fine young fellow.
Looks off R.
FRITZThere she is! My little Wanda! No,
FRITZit's no good you beckoning, my girl,
FRITZI can't leave here. Ah! Here she comes.
(Enter WANDA R., and stands
looking on for a moment.)
FRITZIf only the General could see us -
FRITZhe'd have a fit!
DUET. - WANDA and FRITZ.
(still at a distance from FRITZ).
WANDAHere I am! Here I am!
WANDAFritz, I'm hot! I'm blown!
WANDAI'm out of breath, my pulse is double,
(coming rather nearer).
WANDABut what a face! - oh, what a frown!
WANDAIt seems I might have spared the trouble!
WANDASay why? Pray why?
FRITZ points to his gun, then lays a finger
WANDAon his lips to show he must not speak
WANDAwhile on sentry duty. WANDA comes nearer)
WANDAWhere are all your former graces?
WANDAReply! and don't stand making faces.
WANDACan you be dumb, my bold recruit,
WANDAWithout a word to greet your beauty?
(standing quite still).
FRITZI have to be, for I'm on duty!
FRITZYes, I'm on duty, bother it!
FRITZAnd so I must be mute.
crosses R.
(drawing still nearer).
WANDAI am not in the vein for joking,
WANDAAnd if you will be so provoking,
WANDAI'll try the virtue of a pinch!
WANDAIf you don't speak, I'll spoil your beauty!
(still motionless).
FRITZI really can't, for I'm on duty,
FRITZYes, I'm on duty, bother it!
FRITZAnd mustn't stir an inch!
(tenderly).
WANDABut when my looks, with longing laden,
WANDAConfess the passion of a maiden,
WANDAAnd call you hither to my side,
WANDAAh! am I denied?
WANDAWill you not flinch?
FRITZNo, I'm on duty - mustn't stir an inch!
WANDAHow now? You answer no?
FRITZYes, I'm on duty, so
FRITZI answer no!
crosses L.
(coming close to FRITZ).
WANDABut if to you, though you're so chilly,
WANDAI were to say, "You big, old silly,
WANDACome, kiss me quick, you know, like this!"
WANDAWould you refuse such invitations?
FRITZ puts down his gun L.
and goes eagerly towards WANDA.
FRITZAh, no! our sentry regulations
FRITZDo not forbid a man to kiss!
WANDAI knew the sentry regulations
WANDADo not forbid a man to kiss!
FRITZ kisses WANDA.
BOTHThen, devil take my/your duty!
BOTHYes, devil take my/your duty!
BOTHOur pass-word is love!
BOTHFor when love's at war with duty,
BOTHDuty has to yield to love!
FRITZ again kisses WANDA.
At that moment GENERAL BOUM enters
(who has seen the kiss).
BOUMAha!
(aside to WANDA).
FRITZHe's caught us!
Seizes his gun and comes to attention.
(trembling).
WANDAFritz - my own Fritz!
(to FRITZ).
BOUMNow do you know why I put you on sentry?
BOUMNow do you know the object of my manoevres?
BOUMIt was to steal a march on you; and I've succeeded.
FRITZWell, it's the first time I ever knew
FRITZa manoeuvre of yours come off.
BOUMYou infernal scoundrel!
Shot heard without.
WANDA falls into FRITZ's arms.
WANDAAh!
(fiercely).
BOUMWhat's that? The enemy? Let me get at 'em!
Half draws sword.
FRITZGeneral, let me first look
FRITZafter the women and children.
BOUMWhat - little Wanda? Certainly!
BOUMAnd take good care of her!
FRITZYes, little Wanda.
FRITZThe girl you don't even know.
BOUMOh, wash out! Dismiss!
FRITZCome along, Wanda!
FRITZIf you've got any money we'll have a drink.
Exeunt FRITZ and WANDA into canteen.
More shots without. Enter BARON PUCK,
running and shaking with fear.
PUCKRudolph - my dear old friend!
BOUMWhat's happened?
A sentry called on me to stand and give the countersign.
PUCKAbsorbed as I always am in affairs of State,
PUCKI ignored his remarks, when all of a sudden
BOUMPing!
PUCKPrecisely! Ping - as you very justly remark.
PUCKThey fired at me.
BOUMBrave lads!
PUCKBut they shot right over my head.
BOUMI'll put 'em in cells.
PUCKThank you. But I don't want them punished severely, you know.
PUCKAfter all, they missed me.
BOUMThat's why I'll put 'em in cells.
PUCKWhat?
BOUMHow dared they miss you?
PUCKYou mean you would like them to have killed me?
BOUMAs Commander-in-Chief, I should have been glad.
BOUMAs a friend of your boyhood,
BOUMI should have been broken-hearted.
PUCKFaithful old Rudolph!
They shake hands.
BOUMBut to what am I indebted for the pleasure of this visit?
PUCKYou are aware that on the eve of battle it is our habit
PUCKto neglect no means to rouse the enthusiasm of the troops.
BOUMCertainly.
PUCKHer Highness is one her way here to inspect her
PUCKarmy, and camp with the troops.
BOUMCapital!
PUCKAs soon as there is an opportunity,
PUCKI want you to advance, as though on the spur of the moment,
PUCKand to say, "By the way,
PUCKwould your Highness care to hear the song of the regiment?"
BOUMOh! I say that?
PUCKYes. And she will probably reply,
PUCK"The song of my dear regiment?
PUCKAs if I didn't know it by heart!"
BOUMYou think she will say that?
PUCKI'm - er - pretty sure she will.
PUCKThen you lead her forward and you sing it together.
BOUMHer Highness and I?
PUCK assents.
BOUMI am overwhelmed. But -
BOUMbetween ourselves - can she sing it?
PUCKYes. I rehearsed her in it this morning.
BOUMDelighted!
PUCKNow let's have a chat.
Takes our snuff-box.
PUCKAllow me!
BOUMPah! Not that rubbish - I'm used to stronger stuff!
(Takes his two-barrelled pistol from his belt,
fires it in the air, then carries each muzzle to each nostril,
and sniffs energetically the odour of the smoke.)
BOUMThat's my particular mixture!
(inhaling his pinch of snuff).
PUCKYou know the real reason of this war?
BOUMNo!
PUCKI will tell you. My royal pupil - for I supervised her education -
takes off his hat and catches sight of bullet-hole, alarmed
PUCK- Good heavens!
BOUMWhat's wrong?
(almost fainting with fright, and pointing to the hole).
PUCKThe bullet!
(gratified).
BOUMAha! Not such a bad shot, after all!
PUCKTo think that but for my hat
PUCKI should have been a dead man!
BOUMYou'd better put it on again.
PUCKTrue!
Replaces his hat.
PUCKAs I was going to say,
PUCKthe Grand Duchess, my pupil, has now attained her majority.
PUCKShe has lately begun to interest herself in affairs of State.
PUCKNow, I know what young girls are.
BOUMYou do?
PUCKYes; I have read up on the subject.
PUCKAnd I have come to the conclusion
PUCKthat her Highness needs distraction.
PUCKAccordingly, I declared war.
BOUMTo distract her attention from your -
PUCKTo distract her generally.
PUCKAs a child I distracted her with toys.
SYSTEMI now propose to distract her with a husband.
BOUMPrince Paul?
PUCKExactly. But I'm not sure that I was wise in my choice.
PUCKPrince Paul is an irreproachable young man,
PUCKbut her Highness seems to ignore him.
PUCKHe's been dangling about for six months,
and she will not give him an answer.
PUCKLast week the poor young man's father,
PUCKthe Elector of Steis-Stein-Steis- Laper-Bott-Moll Schorstenberg -
BOUMI didn't quite catch the name.
PUCKThe Elector of Steis-Stein-Steis -
PUCKwell, we'll call him the Elector -
PUCKsent Baron Grog to advocate
PUCKthe cause of the young prince.
PUCKOur beloved mistress, however,
PUCKhas retorted that the Baron may go upon
PUCKa diplomatic mission to "another place"
PUCKbefore she will see him.
BOUMGood!
PUCKBut, my dear Rudolph, I tremble
PUCKfor the moment when the roar of battle shall be silenced
by the whisper of love.
PUCKOnce allow Cupid to raid the territory of her affections -
PUCKand what becomes of us!
BOUMYou alarm me!
PUCKSuppose her Highness should bestow her favour
PUCKupon some lucky young courtier,
PUCKwhere should you and I be?
BOUMWe should be done. It mustn't happen!
PUCKIt must not!
BOUMIt shall not!
Roll of drums at a distance.
Enter NEPOMUC BOUM rushes to him.
(fiercely).
BOUMWhat's that? The enemy?
BOUMWhere are the enemy? Let me get at 'em!
Business with sword as before.
NEPOMUCNo, no, no, sir! That is her Highness arriving!
BOUMGood! Fall in the troops!
BOUMNEPOMUC. Certainly, sir.
Exit NEPOMUC
PUCKThen, Rudolph, you understand our programme?
PUCKFirst of all, the song of the regiment
BOUMI'll do my best.
PUCKIn a week, victory of our troops and declaration of peace -
BOUMTriumphal return to Gerolstein -
PUCKAnd, throughout, our secret motto shall be, Office at any price!"
BOUM"Office at any price!"
They shake hands.
Enter Army and form line from front R. to back L.
Peasants, amongst them WANDA,
group themselves at back.
FRITZ is in the ranks. PUCK crosses L.
CHORUS.
ALLCarry arms! present arms! carry arms!
ALLEyes right! dress! attention!
Enter GRAND DUCHESS in riding habit, with whip, etc.,
attended by IZA and OLGA, MACROBRUNNER,
HOCHHEIM, NIERSTEIN, and NEPOMUC.
Soldiers present arms. GRAND DUCHESS inspects troops,
starting up L. and finishing down R. She is struck with FRITZ,
who is down R. front between two comic-looking soldiers.
Pantomime. FRITZ much disturbed by the attention of the DUCHESS,
who dissembles her sentiments and comes C.
DUCHESSYou do not fear the foe,
DUCHESSYou revel in the fray;
DUCHESSI know you'll all do your devoir!
DUCHESSTo-morrow you must go,
DUCHESSSo now I've come to say -
DUCHESSNo, not good-bye - but au revoir!
SONG. -GRAND DUCHESS and CHORUS
SONG. -Soldiers! I'm simply mad about 'em!
SONG. -With their glitter, glow, and glance,
SONG. -Swords that flash and plumes that dance!
SONG. -Oh, yes! I'm simply mad about 'em!
SONG. -Any country that's without them
SONG. -Doesn't stand a chance!
SONG. -When I see my handsome troops,
SONG. -Eager for the smell of powder,
SONG. -Drumm'd and drill'd with "Haups!" and "Houps!"
SONG. -I'm so proud I can't be prouder!
SONG. -Whether or no they'll thrash a foe,
SONG. -That I can't tell, but this I know -
SONG. -Oh, yes! I'm simply mad about 'em!
SONG. -Oh! I love my gallant soldiers,
SONG. -Gallant soldier boys!
SONG. -I know what I'd like to do,
SONG. -I'd go as a vivandiere,
SONG. -I'd stand by my men all through,
SONG. -And keep them merry, too!
SONG. -I'd follow them, everywhere,
SONG. -In the fight, in the front, I would face the foe;
SONG. -If war would seem such fun, when there,
SONG. -I cannot tell, but this I know -
SONG. -Oh, yes! I'm simply mad about 'em!
SONG. -Oh! I love my gallant soldiers,
SONG. -Gallant soldier boys!
On the word of command the soldiers shoulder arms.
DUCHESSGeneral, I am delighted - I am more than delighted
DUCHESSwith the appearance of my troops!
DUCHESSI may even go far as to say -
(she takes a few steps and stops, looking at FRITZ, aside),
(with empressement).
BOUMYour Highness!
DUCHESSTell that soldier to step forward.
(calling the man on FRITZ's left).
BOUMSchwartz!
DUCHESSGood gracious, no! The - the - other one.
(calling the man on FRITZ's right).
BOUMSchumacher! -
(to the DUCHESS) -
BOUMa little weak in the knees, your Highness, but -
DUCHESSSchumacher! Good heavens, no! The - the smarter-
DUCHESSlooking one - the interesting one - the -
BOUM indicates FRITZ in an interrogative way.
DUCHESSThat's the man I mean.
(much irritated).
BOUMPrivate Fritz, three paces forward - march!
FRITZ advances and presents arms.
(to FRITZ).
DUCHESSWhat is your name, my good fellow?
DUCHESSHave you seen any service?
FRITZNo, your Highness - that is to say,
FRITZnot since I joined - only domestic service.
DUCHESSThen you've never been wounded?
FRITZNever - that is, once, stealing apples,
there was a bull-dog tried to cut off my retreat -
FRITZbut never what you call wounded.
DUCHESSYou're just an ordinary private?
FRITZNot more ordinary than ordinary privates.
FRITZI'm just a - private.
DUCHESSI promote you to corporal.
(delighted).
FRITZMe - corporal?
(Makes movement to go to WANDA,
who is at back with the peasants.)
(checking him).
BOUMHalt! What the devil are you doing?
(soothingly).
FRITZAll right! All right!
Goes back to his former position.
DUCHESSWhere were you going?
FRITZI was just going to tell my little girl that I'd got my step.
DUCHESSWell, look here -
(FRITZ looks at her) -
DUCHESSyou can tell your little girl that you've got
DUCHESStwo steps - you're a sergeant.
To BOUM.
DUCHESS- Let them stand easy.
(to troops).
BOUMTroops, stand at - hoyse!
Soldiers execute the movement.
BOUMFall out!
DUCHESSFall out? Certainly not! Fall out with my soldiers -
DUCHESSmy gallant boys! For aren't we one great family?
(aside to GRAND DUCHESS).
PUCKExcellent, your Highness! Couldn't be better!
(to soldiers).
DUCHESSCome, boys, gather round!
DUCHESSThe soldiers come a little nearer - in centre.
DUCHESSPeasants and WANDA come down R.
DUCHESSand L., WANDA R. GRAND DUCHESS sits on a drum
DUCHESSplaced for her by a vivandiere.
DUCHESSThe Maids of Honour sit on camp- stools.
DUCHESSPUCK comes near to BOUM, and FRITZ,
having put down his gun, comes down L.
(aside to BOUM).
PUCKDid you notice the marked favour
PUCKshe showed to that young soldier?
(aside).
BOUMYes, but I attach no importance to -
(aside).
PUCKWe must attach importance to everything.
(aside).
BOUMWe must keep an eye on her.
(aside).
PUCKTwo eyes.
Goes to R. of BOUM.
(to FRITZ who is L).
DUCHESSCome here, my man.
(advancing).
FRITZYour Highness?
(to FRITZ).
DUCHESSWas your little girl pleased?
FRITZPleased? She doesn't know herself!
DUCHESSAnd your comrades?
FRITZWell, they're pleased, and they're not pleased -
FRITZif you know what I mean.
FRITZThey'd just as soon it had happened to them.
FRITZThey're only ordinary men, you know.
DUCHESSSo tell me, do they feed you well?
DUCHESSWhat kind of rations do you get?
FRITZFirst-rate rations - that is, not bad rations.
FRITZThree- quarters of a pound of meat -
FRITZweighed with the fat and the bone -
FRITZand a little "japper" and a few "spuds."
DUCHESSAnd are the officers good to the men?
FRITZVery good, your Highness. There's good and bad,
FRITZof course - the General, he's a terror.
(to FRITZ).
DUCHESSIs that so?
BOUMReally, your Highness -
DUCHESSDon't interrupt him.
FRITZA fair terror he is. But he can't help it.
FRITZIt's the old story - a young lady in the case.
DUCHESSA young lady?
BOUMI can't allow this!
DUCHESSGeneral Boum, obey my orders!
DUCHESSLet this man tell his story.
FRITZThe General's been a perfect terror -
FRITZever since he made up to my little girl,
FRITZand she wouldn't have anything to say to him.
DUCHESSI must see this wonderful little girl that everybody
DUCHESSfalls in love with. Is she very pretty?
FRITZH'm! suits me. That's her.
Indicates WANDA.
DUCHESSCall her.
FRITZHere - Wanda!
Whistles.
FRITZCome on, don't be silly!
(To GRAND DUCHESS.) -
FRITZShe's shy. Girls ain't like soldiers, you see.
WANDA comes down stage
and stands before the GRAND DUCHESS.
DUCHESSWell, my dear - so this gallant warrior's
DUCHESSin love with you, is he?
(timidly).
WANDAYes, m'm - please, m'm. At least so he says.
DUCHESSAnd are you in love with him?
WANDAWhy, m'm - of course I am, m'm!
(aside).
DUCHESSWhat's the matter with me? -
DUCHESSI'm as cold as ice. I never felt like this before.
To FRITZ.
DUCHESS- Did I - did I tell you that you are a lieutenant?
The GRAND DUCHESS rises, as do her Maids of Honour.
WANDA goes back to her place.
FRITZNo, your Highness.
DUCHESSWell, I tell you now.
General surprise.
FRITZWell, all I can say is I - I thank you kindly.
(aside to BOUM).
PUCKShe's going it!
(aside, looking at FRITZ).
BOUMIf you want to see service, young fellow,
BOUMI'll take care that you have a good place
BOUMin the very front rank.
DUCHESSThe heat is overwhelming!
(To her Maids of Honour.) -
DUCHESSAren't you fearfully thirsty?
IZAYour Highness, I am.
DUCHESSSo am I.
(with empressement).
PUCKI'll order some ices.
DUCHESSIces? In camp? No, no! I'll drink what my brave soldiers drink.
BOUMI'm afraid, your Highness, that they drink -
DUCHESSWhatever the Vivandiere gives them, I suppose! So will I.
To vivandiere R.
DUCHESS- Vivandiere - glasses.
Vivandiere gives her a glass and pours out.
DUCHESSThat's it! Up to the brim. Now then, boys!
DUCHESSHere's to victory, and a safe return!
She drinks. The other vivandiere serve the Maids of Honour.
ALLHurrah! Hurrah!
(aside, to BOUM).
PUCKMy royal pupil's going it!
(aside, to PUCK).
BOUMDo you think this would be a favourable opportunity for our duet?
(aside).
PUCKYes, go on!
(advancing towards GRAND DUCHESS).
BOUMMay I suggest that your Highness should hear
BOUMthe song of the regiment?
(aside).
DUCHESSI had forgotten!
(Aloud.) -
DUCHESSThe song of my beloved regiment?
DUCHESSI know it by heart - every word of it!
(pretending surprise).
BOUMYou astound me!
DUCHESSI'll sing it myself.
BOUMYour Highness!
DUCHESSNow then.
BOUM prepares to sing.
DUCHESS- Er - were you thinking of singing too?
By your Highness's gracious leave.
DUCHESSMy Commander-in-Chief! D'you know,
DUCHESSI don't think it would be quite wise. Bad for discipline.
(To FRITZ.) -
DUCHESSYou come and sing.
BOUMIf I might venture an opinion -
(turning round to him).
DUCHESSWhat's the matter?
BOUMI don't think it would be quite wise -
BOUMbad for discipline.
DUCHESSFor the Grand Duchess to sing with a subaltern?
DUCHESSThen I'll give him his step. Will Captain do?
WANDA, delighted, comes L.,
and congratulates FRITZ in dumb show.
(bows formally).
BOUMAs your Highness pleases.
He crosses R. NEPOMUC has gone off
DUCHESSDo me the pleasure to sing with me, Captain.
The Maids of Honour come down,
IZA R., OLGA L. FRITZ comes nearer
to the GRAND DUCHESS.
Peasants come down L. and R.
SONG of the REGIMENT. -
GRAND DUCHESS, FRITZ, and CHORUS.
DUCHESSOh, what a splendid regiment we are,
DUCHESSThe Duchess's Gerolstein Rangers!
ALLTa ra, ta ta, ta ra, ta ta, ta ra, ta ta, ta ta, ta tum!
FRITZQuick as an extra special shooting star,
FRITZWe drop on impertinent strangers!
ALLTa ra, ta ta, etc.
DUCHESSThey say the Dragoons are a dashing set,
DUCHESSPretty fellows they are!
FRITZAnd ladies declare that the smartest yet Is the bold Hussar!
DUCHESSThe Gunners are ready for any chance,
DUCHESSSo's the gay Engineer!
FRITZBut none of the lot is a circumstance
FRITZTo what we show you here!
FRITZDUCHESS and FRITZ.
FRITZThen bang the drum and blow the fife,
FRITZAnd wave the flag above!
FRITZAnd let us live a soldier's life,
FRITZAnd love a soldier's love!
ALLThen bang the drum and blow the fife, etc.
DUCHESSOh, what a splendid regiment we are,
DUCHESSThe Duchess's Gerolstein Rangers!
ALLTa ra, ta ta, etc.
FRITZWe are the boys for going fast and far,
FRITZThrough nearly impossible dangers!
ALLTa ra, ta ta, etc.
DUCHESSWhenever our regiment takes its way,
DUCHESSThrough the streets of a place,
FRITZThe girls, when they see it, are pleased and gay,
FRITZThe men make such a face!
DUCHESSWhenever the regiment goes away,
DUCHESSThat's a different case:
FRITZThe men it is now who are pleased and gay,
FRITZThe girls who make the face!
FRITZDUCHESS and FRITZ.
FRITZThen bang the drum and blow the fife,
FRITZAnd wave the flag above,
FRITZAnd let us live a soldier's life,
FRITZAnd love a soldier's love!
ALLThen bang the drum and blow the fife, etc.
Re-enter NEPOMUC,
NEPOMUCYour Highness!
DUCHESSWell?
(fiercely).
BOUMThis time I trust it is the enemy!
BOUMWhere are they? Let me get at 'em!
Business with sword as before.
(impatiently, to BOUM).
NEPOMUCPlease, please, please!
To GRAND DUCHESS.
NEPOMUC- Madam, his Royal Highness Prince Paul
NEPOMUCand Baron Grog are waiting at the outposts
NEPOMUCfor your gracious permission to present themselves.
(annoyed).
DUCHESSPrince Paul. I don't want to see Prince Paul!
NEPOMUCWhat answer shall I give?
DUCHESSI suppose I must see him.
DUCHESSBut I certainly won't see his nasty old friend.
DUCHESSUnderstand that I am never at home to Baron Grog.
Exit NEPOMUC,
(To FRITZ.) -
DUCHESSCaptain, go and put on your uniform, to please me.
DUCHESSI want to see how you look in it.
FRITZOh! I shall look all right. Don't you worry.
Exit
(to soldiers).
DUCHESSNow - dismiss!
Exeunt MACROBRUNNER, HOCHHEIM, NIERSTEIN,
DUCHESSand soldiers to reprise of the "Song of the Regiment,"
DUCHESSBOUM invites the Ladies of
DUCHESSHonour into his tent.
DUCHESSTwo soldiers remain on duty at back.
Peasants exeunt R. and L. at back. WANDA exit R.
(to PUCK).
DUCHESSDon't go far away, old friend. Nor you, General.
DUCHESSWe must discuss your plan of campaign.
BOUMIt is a magnificent plan, your Highness.
DUCHESSI hope so. Au revoir!
Exeunt PUCK and BOUM into tent.
(alone).
DUCHESSThis awful little Prince! I don't know why -
DUCHESSbut somehow I feel as if I loathe him
DUCHESSat this moment more than I ever did before.
Enter PRINCE PAUL in bridal attire,
with a large bouquet of orange blossoms.
He is proceeded by NEPOMUC,
who points out the GRAND DUCHESS and then retires.
(advancing, with a piteous air).
PAULWell, you cruel lady!
PAULI see by your frock it's not to be to-day!
(looking at him).
DUCHESSMy dear Prince, why have you got those things on?
(pleased).
PAULI'm glad you noticed them, at all events.
PAULI thought, perhaps, when you saw my nice wedding coat,
PAULyou might make up your mind.
DUCHESSTo marry you to-day? My dear Prince, consider!
DUCHESSOn the eve of battle! I couldn't dream of marrying
DUCHESSwith my head full of other business.
PAULYou horrid thing! You're always full of excuses.
DUCHESSBut you must see that they are sound ones.
PAULBut you've been pouring out sound
PAULexcuses for the last six months.
PAULGrog - Baron Grog - who's a dear old thing,
PAULalthough you won't see him -
PAULGrog had a letter from papa this morning -
PAULquite an angry letter!
DUCHESSAnd what has your - papa - got to say?
PAULWell, he says he's had about enough of it - that's all!
PAULYou see, it's six months since I left home to marry you.
PAULOf course, he had to buy me a lot of little knick-knacks
PAULthat one wants, and he had to give me a larger allowance
PAUL- and so on and so forth; and when he finds we're just where
PAULwe were at first, I'm not surprised
PAULto hear he's had about enough of it.
PAULI've had about enough of it myself.
PAULYou see, we don't know where we are!
DUCHESSOh! that's what's worrying you, is it?
PAULOf course, it's worrying us, because if you've really
PAULmade up your mind that you won't marry me,
PAULpapa and I must find another Grand Duchess.
PAULThat's the long and the short of it.
DUCHESSYou and your papa needn't worry.
DUCHESSI'll marry you some day.
PAULOh! but that's what you always say!
PAULYou know my marriage has been talked about
PAULin every Court in Europe.
PAULAnd when it keeps on being postponed
PAUL- well, I feel I look so silly, don't you know?
(looking at him and smiling).
DUCHESSCome, Prince, I'm not
DUCHESSentirely to blame for that.
PAULBut things have reached a climax now.
DUCHESSGood gracious! How?
(taking a paper out of his pocket).
Look at this tiresome thing.
DUCHESSWhat's that?
PAULIt's a society paper, and it's all about me.
DUCHESSNonsense! About you?
PAULCertainly it is. There's a horrible race of creatures
PAULwho call themselves society journalists.
PAULThey're not really in Society, you know -
PAULthey can't get nearer than the key-hole.
PAULBut there's a lot to be seen through a key-hole -
PAULand what they can't see, they invent.
PAULOf course, when they write about other people's private affairs
PAULI feel it's not my business, and I laugh, don't you know?
PAULBut when they write about my private affairs,
PAULI feel it's a public outrage,
and I don't think any one ought to laugh.
PAULJust listen to this! (He reads from the paper.)
SONG ("THE SOCIETY COLUMN"). - PRINCE PAUL.
PAUL"They say Prince Paul has gone a-wooing
PAULA fair Princess at Gerolstein;
PAULBut it appears he is not doing
PAULMuch in the matrimonial line.
PAULHe gloves in white his fairy fingers,
PAULAt dawn of every blessed day -
PAULà¾She comes, my bride - ah, no, she lingers!'
PAULAnd so he throws his gloves away!
PAULThe gloves must come a bit expensive,
PAULThe best French kid at four and three."
with indignation.
PAULThat's what they dare to say of me!
PAULWhich I consider most offensive.
DUCHESSThey seem to know a bit, you see,
DUCHESSAlthough their style is most offensive!
The GRAND DUCHESS crosses L., laughing.
(speaking).
PAULBut that isn't all. Just listen to the rest.
reading.
PAUL"A very ardent lover made he
PAULWhen first he went to court the maid;
PAULWhen first he wooed that noble lady,
PAULThe Prince was ninety in the shade!
PAULBut time is long and love is cruel,
PAULAnd now that half a year is done,
PAULThe Prince's love is out of fuel,
PAULAnd down to zero in the sun!
PAULIt will not do, we're apprehensive,
PAULSo drop it, and go home to tea!"
PAULThat's what they dare to say to me!
PAULWhich I consider most offensive.
DUCHESSThey seem to know a bit, you see,
DUCHESSAlthough their style is most offensive!
The GRAND DUCHESS laughs more than ever.
PAULNow, I think you're horrid!
Enter FRITZ , in Captain's uniform.
(aside).
DUCHESSHow splendid he looks!
Aloud to PRINCE PAUL.
DUCHESS- Prince, don't you think it's
DUCHESSa marvellously becoming uniform?
PAULHe looks extremely well in it.
DUCHESSNow you can understand how proud
DUCHESSI am of my regiment.
To FRITZ.
DUCHESS- Captain!
FRITZYour Highness?
DUCHESSTell General Boum and Baron Puck to come to me.
FRITZAll right - I'll tell 'em.
Exit into tent.
PAULDear lady -
(impatiently).
DUCHESSWhat is it?
PAULYou haven't yet told me when -
DUCHESSHow unreasonable you are, my dear Prince.
DUCHESSAt present, every second of the day
DUCHESSand night is taken up with affairs of state.
DUCHESSThe first time I've got nothing else
DUCHESSto do I will marry you.
(with despair).
PAULOh, you cruel thing!
Enter BOUM, PUCK, and FRITZ from tent.
Soldiers bring in table and four chairs.
They place the table on centre of stage a little to R.,
put two seats to R. of table, one to L.,
and the fourth in the middle.
They put a map on the table and then exeunt.
DUCHESSCome, Prince, you must give us the light of your views.
DUCHESSWe have to consider General Boum's plan of attack.
(sulkily).
PAULOh, bother General Boum's plan of attack!
DUCHESSNow, you're going to be sulky!
(in the same tone).
PAULWell, I am a little vexed. I'm not often allowed to see you,
PAULand in the middle of my visit you call a council of war.
PAULI don't think it's a bit nice of you!
DUCHESSBut think, Prince, this should give you hope.
DUCHESSYou must remember that the position of reigning consort
DUCHESShas its responsibilities as well as its privileges.
PAULI though the rule was, privileges first,
PAULresponsibilities afterwards.
(angrily).
DUCHESSPrince!
(aside).
PAULThat's the worst of me with women,
PAULI'm always too impetuous.
He goes towards R.
(seats herself on the seat R. of table. To BOUM and PUCK).
DUCHESSBe seated, gentlemen.
(BOUM sits in the centre seat, PRINCE PAUL in seat R.,
next to GRAND DUCHESS, and PUCK
on the seat L. of table. To FRITZ.) -
DUCHESSCaptain!
BOUM signs to him to go away.
DUCHESSYou shall be our body-guard.
FRITZNever you fear!
Draws sword and marches up and down.
BOUM and PUCK annoyed.
(looking at FRITZ).
BOUMI don't know that I ought to
BOUMdiscuss my plans in the presence of …
DUCHESSThat is my business, General.
DUCHESSNow, what do you propose?
BOUMMy plan is simple. Your Highness must bear in mind
BOUMthat the whole art of war is summed up in two words
BOUM- surprise and circumvention.
DUCHESSIt sounds to me more like the whole art of love.
BOUMExcellent! First rate! They are sister arts, of course,
BOUMand, like many sisters, both fair and both artful.
BOUMBearing this in mind, I am dividing my army into three corps.
PUCKSound idea!
BOUMOne of these corps will advance to the right - so!
Indicates on map.
PUCKGood idea!
BOUMAnother to the left - so!
PUCKExcellent idea!
BOUMAnd the remaining corps will advance in between the two.
PAULAmazing!
BOUMMy forces, thus distributed,
will proceed by three different routes to one central point,
BOUMwhere I have decided to concentrate them.
BOUMThere we shall probably -
DUCHESSWhere is that central point?
BOUM puzzled.
(pointing to map).
PUCKThe enemy seem to be over here.
BOUMI don't care where the enemy are, but what I do know is -
loudly
BOUMthat I shall annihilate them!
DUCHESSSh! - sh!
PUCKPlease!
(louder).
BOUMI repeat, I shall annihilate the enemy!
DUCHESSBut not if you exhaust yourself now.
BOUMWhat care I, since it is in the service of my country.
BOUMWhere are the enemy? Take me to the enemy!
Rising and half-drawing sword.
BOUMLet me get at 'em!
PUCKcalms him and persuades him to resume his seat.
(who has been marching up
and down during the previous conversation,
has stood still for a moment, laughing).
FRITZYou'll get at 'em presently with your three routes!
FRITZThat's a funny way to do it!
FRITZYou and your three routes! Ho! ho! ho!
Laughs.
(rising, severely).
PUCKSilence, sir!
(still laughing).
FRITZYou mustn't go by one. You've got to go by three!
FRITZThat's what tickles me!
(furious).
BOUMWhat's he saying?
FRITZI sha'n't forget that! Three routes! What jolly rot!
(rising).
BOUMI'll put him under arrest. I'll have him court-marshalled. I'll …
PUCKA Captain to criticize his Commander-in-Chief! It's unheard of!
Comes between BOUM and GRAND DUCHESS.
DUCHESSOne moment, gentlemen, please.
To FRITZ.
DUCHESS- You say, Captain, as far as I can gather,
DUCHESSthat the General's scheme of attack
DUCHESSby three routes is not a sound scheme?
(approaching the table).
FRITZI say it's jolly rot - and I can prove it's jolly rot!
(to GRAND DUCHESS).
With great respect, I would point out to your Highness
PUCKthat this person can take no part in the discussion.
He goes near PRINCE PAUL.
BOUMNo part in this discussion - no, confound him! No part in anything!
PUCKNo one but an officer of superior rank --
(rising).
PAULAnd one who is also noble -
PAULPAUL and PUCK
(together).
PAULIs entitled to take part in a council of war.
(rising imperiously).
DUCHESSSilence, gentlemen! As I am an honest woman,
DUCHESSthe first who interrupts shall die!
To PUCK.
DUCHESS- You said, I think, that he should be
DUCHESSan officer of superior rank?
DUCHESSI make him General of the Forces -
To BOUM.
DUCHESS- of equal rank with you.
To PRINCE PAUL.
DUCHESSYou said, I think, he should be noble?
DUCHESSI make him Baron Vermuth-von-Bock-bier,
DUCHESSCount of Pilsener-Lager von Auld-Lang-Schweinstein.
DUCHESSAre you satisfied, gentlemen? May the council proceed?
PUCK goes L. of PRINCE PAUL.
(bows formally).
BOUMYour Highness -
(aside to PUCK).
PAULOh, I say! Hang it all! You know,
PAULsomething ought to be done!
(aside).
PUCKSh! Wait! I'll talk to you presently.
He goes up stage. BOUM goes L.
(to FRITZ, seating herself).
Pray sit down, General, and let me hear your views.
PUCK indicates to FRITZ the seat vacated
by GENERAL BOUM. PUCK
and PRINCE PAUL resume their seats.
BOUM remains alone standing in the left-hand corner.
(taking seat).
FRITZWell, instead of going by these three routes -
FRITZthree routes! - you'll excuse my smiling..
Laughs.
(examining his uniform).
DUCHESSHow idiotically they cut these uniforms!
DUCHESSYou want quite an inch off that collar!
DUCHESSPlease forgive me interrupting you.
Aside.
DUCHESS- He's lovely!
FRITZIf you want to fight, you want to get at the enemy.
FRITZIf you want to get at the enemy,
you want to take the shortest road.
(To BOUM).
FRITZ- None of your "three routes"! Then when you've found him,
FRITZyou want to keep pegging away at him until you can't find him.
FRITZThat's my idea of warfare.
Rises.
(rising, as do PUCK and PRINCE PAUL).
DUCHESSAnd the only idea, of course! General Boum,
DUCHESSyou understand?
DUCHESSThese are the tactics you are to carry out.
(coming to near FRITZ).
BOUMYour Highness, I refuse.
DUCHESSYou refuse?
BOUMAs Commander-in-Chief, I am responsible
BOUMfor the lives of your Highness's troops.
BOUMHad I been permitted to carry out my own plan of campaign,
BOUMI would gladly have undertaken that responsibility,
BOUMas no battle could have taken place.
BOUMIf you listen to this bloodthirsty butcher - I -
BOUMI can't answer for the consequences.
DUCHESSThen you refuse? Officially?
BOUMOfficially. You'd better ask Baron Absinthe -
BOUMI can't remember his absurd name!
Crosses back to L.
FRITZBaron Vermuth-von-Bock-bier
FRITZ, Count of Pilsener-Lager
FRITZvon Auld-Lang-Schweinstein.
(To GRAND DUCHESS).
FRITZ- He remembers the name right enough.
FRITZHe's only worried because he can't forget it.
DUCHESSBaron, can you undertake to execute
DUCHESSthe manoeuvre you described?
FRITZMe? Why, of course I can!
DUCHESSReally? And you will come back victorious?
FRITZYes - or else the other thing. I'll come back, any way.
DUCHESSBaron Vermuth-von-Bock-bier -
FRITZThat's me!
DUCHESSMay Heaven steel your soldiers' hearts.
DUCHESSHenceforth you are Commander-in-Chief of all my army.
(to BOUM).
FRITZMight I trouble you for that feather?
BOUM enraged, PUCK calms him;
hands plume to FRITZ,
and affixes FRITZ's smaller feather to BOUM's hat.
(to BOUM).
FRITZUgh! You're no soldier!
(bursting with rage).
BOUMIf ever I get the chance -
(getting R. of BOUM, aside).
PUCKSh - sh! Patience! We shall get the chance,
PUCKand there are three of us who want it.
(aside, looking at FRITZ).
DUCHESSOh, he's lovely - lovely!
Aloud.
DUCHESS- General Fritz, I want personally
DUCHESSto introduce you to your troops.
General Boum, tell my entire army to fall in.
BOUMI - to be ordered about like this?
The soldiers who brought the table
and chairs re-enter and take them off.
(aside to BOUM).
PUCKPatience, old friend! It's what I feared -
PUCKlove whispers louder than the cannon roars!
BOUM goes up L., gives signal and then comes
down L. Military words of command are heard repeated outside.
Re-enter MACROBRUNNER,
HOCHHEIM, NIERSTEIN, and soldiers
Drums roll. They take their arms
and form in two ranks at back, facing audience.
NEPOMUC precedes them and stands on level
with second entrance, a little behind the GRAND DUCHESS.
IZA, OLGA, AMELIE, and CHARLOTTE come out
of the tent and place themselves in front R.
Peasant girls re-enter at back from both sides and stand round.
WANDA enters R. and stands a little behind FRITZ.
PRINCE PAUL joins PUCK and BOUM,
who are standing at the extreme L.
FINALE OF ACT I.
CHORUS'Tis the bugle call to remind them/us,
CHORUSAnd beat of drum!
One look to all they/we leave behind them/us,
CHORUSThen on they/we come,
CHORUSTo beat of drum!
(to the soldiers).
DUCHESSListen all of you to what I'm now reciting!
DUCHESSYour new General stands here!
Pointing to FRITZ.
ALLWhat! He our General? Our General stands here?
DUCHESSYes, 'tis Fritz! In the coming fighting
DUCHESSHe'll prove the victor, never fear!
She presents FRITZ to the soldiers,
then to the Maids of Honour, who salute him.
DUCHESSPUCK, PAUL, and BOUM
in a loud voice, in the corner L.
DUCHESSWe'll have vengeance on the peasant,
DUCHESSEre we have done!
DUCHESSWe're the stronger at present,
DUCHESSThree against one!
(to FRITZ, coming down near him).
WANDAOh, can it all be true?
(to WANDA).
FRITZWhy, of course, can't you see?
WANDAAh! you're too good for me!
FRITZI'll be faithful to you!
WANDAThen, will you love me still?
FRITZWhy, of course, dear, I will.
WANDAOh, tell me that once more!
FRITZYes, I'll take that encore!
(to FRITZ, impatiently,
having heard what he and WANDA have said).
DUCHESSWhen your private affairs
DUCHESSYou've quite finished, my friend,
DUCHESSYou'll remember I wait,
DUCHESSTill you're pleased to attend!
DUCHESSCHORUS, etc.
(in a low voice).
DUCHESSHow she eyes them askance,
DUCHESSWhat a terrible glance!
(aside).
DUCHESSCalmly my heart
DUCHESSSlept till the present,
DUCHESSWhy does it start,
DUCHESSBeyond all restraint?
DUCHESSThe crowd observes --
DUCHESSThat little peasant
DUCHESSGets on my nerves,
DUCHESSOh, I shall faint!
FRITZThe Duchess finds the heat unpleasant.
WANDAShe's going to faint!
(aside, restraining herself).
DUCHESSBut I have duties as a queen,
DUCHESSAnd it would seem unseemly -
DUCHESSExtremely unseemly -
DUCHESSTo let ought be seen!
(Aloud and gaily to NEPOMUC,
who has come down R.)
DUCHESSSo, Captain, will you kindly go,
DUCHESSAnd bring here, at once - what you know!
Exit NEPOMUC L.
GRAND DUCHESS signs to FRITZ to come near to her.
ALLWhat on earth can that be?
Enter NEPOMUC with a sword,
which he carries high and with great respect.
ALLThe broadsword! The broadsword!
SONG of the SWORD. - GRAND DUCHESS and CHORUS.
(to FRITZ, pointing to the sword).
DUCHESSHere is my blessed father's sword!
DUCHESSTake it and wear it at your side;
DUCHESSStrong is your arm to strike or ward,
DUCHESSSo in your valour I confide!
DUCHESSWhen, as our histories record,
DUCHESSMy dear papa to battle hied,
DUCHESSMy dear mamma, who he adored,
DUCHESSHanded him this weapon true and tried.
DUCHESSHere is the broadsword, the broadsword, the broadsword!
DUCHESSHere is my blessed father's sword!
ALLHere is the broadsword, etc.
(taking the sword).
DUCHESSHere is my blessed father's sword!
DUCHESSTake it and wear it at your side;
DUCHESSAnd, when the victory is scored,
DUCHESSSafe and uninjured homeward ride!
(With feeling).
DUCHESSWere you by brutal bullets bored,
DUCHESSOr should a sword your life divide,
DUCHESSMy peace could never be restored,
DUCHESSSorrow would be with me till I died!
Recovering herself - with dignity.
DUCHESSHere is the broadsword, the broadsword, the broadsword!
DUCHESSHere is my blessed father's sword!
DUCHESSTake it and wear it at your side!
She gives sword to FRITZ.
ALLHere is the broadsword, etc.
FRITZYou need not be afraid, for the lot of the blade,
FRITZThe broadsword true and trusty, and just a rifle rusty
FRITZWith the bays I'll return, or in a marble urn!
SYSTEMGRAND DUCHESS, WANDA, MAIDS OF HONOUR, CHORUS.
FRITZA victor you'll return!
(aside).
PUCKHe never shall return!
CHORUSHe will return!
FRITZ gives the sword to WANDA,
who looks at it admiringly.
ENSEMBLE.
FRITZ.
CHORUSGRAND DUCHESS, WANDA, and CHORUS.
CHORUSVictory earning,
CHORUSI'll be returning,
CHORUSHe'll be returning,
CHORUSOrder every man on,
CHORUSLeading every man on,
CHORUSHorse and foot and cannon,
CHORUSThere will be no men
CHORUSLeft of our foemen,
CHORUSFor we'll chop 'em all
How the foe will fall
CHORUSVery extra small!
CHORUSCut extremely small!
CHORUSWith cheery band before us,
CHORUSWith cheery band before you,
CHORUSMarch along!
CHORUSJoin the merry chorus
CHORUSGaily we'll encore you,
CHORUSOf our song!
CHORUSIn our song!
CHORUSWe will invade them!
CHORUSHe will invade them!
CHORUSConquer and raid them!
CHORUSFollow on their track
CHORUSBy the nearest route,
CHORUSThen we'll burn and sack,
CHORUSThen he'll burn and sack,
CHORUSAnd go in for loot!
CHORUSI will come back sound,
CHORUSHe will come back sound,
CHORUSWith the laurel crowned,
CHORUSA conqueror renowned!
CHORUSPUCK, PRINCE PAUL, and BOUM.
CHORUSSoon he'll be learning
CHORUSThere's no returning,
CHORUSFolly leads the man on,
CHORUSHorse and foot and cannon.
CHORUSThere will be no man
CHORUSSpared by the foeman,
CHORUSHe will chop 'em all
CHORUSVery extra small!
CHORUSThey're off with band before them,
CHORUSGoing strong!
CHORUSHow the foe will floor them -
CHORUSThey're all wrong!
CHORUSIf he invade them,
CHORUSHe'll be shot!
CHORUSHe will not be found,
CHORUSWe will all be bound!
During the following chorus the army begins to march,
and, beginning form the right,
defiles before the GRAND DUCHESS,
who stands R. FRITZ at the head of the army.
MARCH.
CHORUSMarch to the band that plays before you,
CHORUSAll along!
CHORUSMarch for the honour of the land that bore you,
CHORUSWith a song!
(seeing the sword in WANDA's hand).
DUCHESSBut you forgot my blessed father's sword!
ALLYou quite forgot her blessed father's sword!
ALLHere is the broadsword, the broadsword, the broadsword!
ALLHere is her blessed father's sword!
ALLGo, crush our foemen hand to hand,
ALLFor Gerolstein, our Fatherland!
FRITZ returns to take the sword,
and then puts himself at the head of the troops,
brandishing it aloft.
The soldiers resume the march off
to reprise of the March Chorus.
The GRAND DUCHESS
and WANDA waft kisses to FRITZ,
who returns them of WANDA.
Tableau.
Curtain.
SYSTEMACT II.
SCENE. - State apartment in the Palace.
A door L., leading to the private suite of the GRAND DUCHESS.
A portrait of a Knight in full armour concealing a secret door.
Another picture R., facing the former.
A door R.I.E. At the back a large opening looking on a gallery
and closed by curtains.
IZA, CHARLOTTE, AMELIE, OLGA,
and other Maids of Honour discovered working on tapestry.
An Usher stands on guard
before the GRAND DUCHESS's door L.
COUPLETS of MAIDS of HONOUR,
and COUPLETS of "the LETTERS." -
IZA, OLGA, CHARLOTTE, and AMELIE.
CHORUSAt last the war is really over,
CHORUSAt last is ended the campaign;
CHORUSAnd each of us will see her lover,
CHORUSBefore the night comes round again!
IZA looking R., and rising, as do all the other ladies.
IZAIt's the mail!
ALLIt's the mail!
IZAThen after him in chorus!
IZAHe's sure to have some letters for us!
They carry their tapestry frames to back.
NEPOMUC enters R., carrying letters.
NEPOMUCWho wants letters? Here's a lot!
ALLGive me mine!
ALLPlease, sir, will you not?
NEPOMUCHere's a lot!
Distributing letters.
To Usher at door L.
NEPOMUCNow let me pass; my business touches
NEPOMUCNo less a personage than the Grand Duchess.
Exit L., the Usher following him.
NEPOMUCMAIDS of HONOUR
(each with her letter in her hand).
NEPOMUCBefore we, trembling, break the seal,
NEPOMUCOur timid hearts are quickly beating!
NEPOMUCBut what delight we soon shall feel,
NEPOMUCIn reading over and repeating!
(opening and reading her letter).
OLGAà¾I carried your portrait here in my pocket,
OLGARight above my heart;
OLGAIt worked like a charm, that magical locket,
OLGAWell it played its part;
OLGAFor every limb is safe in its socket,
OLGAJust as at the start!"
OLGAAh! the words of my lover
OLGAI'll read you all over;
OLGAAnd ever, like this,
OLGAThe writing I'll kiss!
(opening and reading letter).
CHARLOTTE"It seems that we don't want to fight each other
CHARLOTTEAny more this year;
CHARLOTTEI think, if we take one thing with another,
CHARLOTTENow the coast is clear;
CHARLOTTEAs soon as I'm back, I'll call on your mother,
CHARLOTTEAnd ask for your hand, my dear!"
CHARLOTTEAh! the words of my lover, etc.
(reading letter).
AMELIE"My courage had sunk to absolute zero,
AMELIEI never wanted to run, when cannon balls flew;
AMELIEBut, nevertheless, I fought like a hero,
AMELIEAnd all on account of thinking of you!"
(reading letter).
IZA"To-day the enemy we fought,
IZAAnd won, it seemed to me;
IZABut, glory and fame I've never sought -
IZAWhat are they to me?
IZAFor, all of these things I value as nought,
IZACompared with a kiss from thee!"
IZAAh! the words of my lover, etc.
AMELIEWhat does he say, dear?
(kissing letter).
CHARLOTTEOh, he's a duck!
AMELIEIs that what he says?
CHARLOTTENo, that's what I say.
(to OLGA).
IZAShow me!
OLGANo; I don't think it's honourable
OLGAto show love- letters.
IZANo more do I; but - I'll show you
IZAmy Ludvig's if you'll show me your Karl's.
OLGAWill you? Oh, that's different!
Giving letter.
OLGAKarl writes rather a bad hand; but he has lovely eyes!
(giving letter).
IZALudvig can't spell; but he has exquisite moustaches!
OLGAAfter all, what does anything else matter?
They go up a little. Business of all the girls
reading one another's letters.
Enter PRINCE PAUL and BARON GROG R.
PAULMy dear Grog, you needn't have the least apprehension.
PAULI give you my word that she'll receive you to-day.
GROGPrince, I ask for no sounder security.
PAULWhere are your credentials from papa?
GROGMy august master's letter is in its usual place - next my heart.
PAULWell, you'd better take it out and smooth it,
PAULand have it ready to present.
PAULHow do you do, ladies?
He bows.
(laughing and half aside).
AMELIEDear little Prince!
(laughing and half aside).
OLGAPoor little Prince!
(laughing and half aside).
IZASilly little Prince!
(to GROG).
PAULOh, I say - hang it all!
PAULI believe they're making fun of me!
GROGYour Highness can never be mistaken.
PAULOh! I don't care. Little things amuse little minds, you know.
PAULLadies, let me present to you papa's envoy, Baron Grog.
Introduction - the ladies curtsey, etc.
PAULThe Baron is to have the privilege of an audience
PAULwith her Highness thisafternoon.
Enter NEPOMUC L.
NEPOMUCGreat tidings! General Fritz is returning
NEPOMUCat the head of his triumphant troops.
NEPOMUCHe will be officially received in an hour from now.
NEPOMUCHe has come back victorious, happy and glorious.
NEPOMUCAnd her Highness is uproarious!
Takes four steps.
NEPOMUCUproarious!
(Takes another four steps.) Positively uproarious!
He has crossed the stage and exit excitedly R.
IZAThey're back! Our boys are back!
BOUM and PUCK enter R.
The Usher follows them and remains standing at the door.
PUCKLadies, you're late - you're late! Her Highness is waiting!
BOUMNow, ladies! Pass away, ladies - please!
Exeunt Maids of Honour L., singing "Ah! words of my lover," etc.
BOUM and PUCK salute PRINCE PAUL.
PAULWell! and how about our sweet Grog?
BOUMHer Highness has ordered us to send Grog up to her. Usher!
Usher advances.
BOUMAttend the Baron! And remember your instructions.
Aloud, to GROG, bowing and indicating the door L.
BOUM- Baron!
(bowing).
GROGAu revoir, General.
Goes to door.
(going after him).
PAULDon't forget, Grog, old friend - pitch it into her.
Exit GROG L., preceded by Usher.
(returning C., with great delight).
PAULAt last!
PUCKWhat is it, Prince?
PAULYou can't think how excited I am!
PAULHer Highness at last consents to receive Baron Grog.
PAULI see him now in my mind's eye.
PAULHe goes along the passage, then into the little ante-room.
BOUMThat is so!
PAULHe crosses the little ante-room -
PUCKYes!
PAULThe usher lifts the tapestry -
signs of negation from BOUM and BUCK
PAUL- and announces the Baron.
PAULHe bows reverently to the august presence in which -
BOUMSteady, my young friend - steady, steady!
BOUMYou've gone too fast. Half-way across the little ante-room,
BOUMbefore you get to the tapestry, there is an archway,
BOUMthrough which he will be piloted with great deference.
BOUMConfronting that archway is a marble staircase -
PUCKDown which he will be personally conducted
PUCKwith great reverence.
BOUMThe usher will then guide him with extra deference
BOUMthrough the Hall of a Thousand Mirrors,
BOUMthe Throne Room, the Arbitration Room,
BOUMand the International Apology Room.
PUCKThen extra-super-ne-plus-ultra reverentially
PUCKacross the yard to the back gate.
BOUMWhere he will find his carriage and the Royal Remembrancer,
BOUMwho will inform him with extra-superfine patent
BOUMdouble-milled diagonal deference
BOUMthat the Baron's audience is postponed to another day.
PAULYou mean to say that those are really
PAULher Highness's instructions?
BOUMOn my word of honour.
PAULShe surely wouldn't dare!
PUCKWouldn't dare! My dear Prince, what an ass -
recollecting himself
PUCK- with the greatest - the most profound respect,
PUCKwhat an ass your Highness must be!
PUCKHave you forgotten that to-day is the day
PUCKof General Fritz's return in his character of conquering hero?
PUCKIf you think that the Grand Duchess
PUCKwill have eyes to-day for anybody but him
PUCKand her looking-glass, you are very much mistaken.
(angrily).
PAULI hate the very name of Fritz!
PAULHe's a loathsome man, I think! So hideously muscular!
(with meaning).
BOUMWhatever he may be, he is the man.
(mysteriously).
PAULThe man of the moment - yes.
PAULBut when that moment's over?
PAULBOUM and PUCK.
PAULYes; what then?
(rather alarmed).
PAULOh, nothing! I didn't mean anything.
Goes up stage.
(aside to BOUM).
PUCKIt hasn't taken yet!
(aside to PUCK).
BOUMWhy not tell him straight that --
(Cannon heard without).
BOUMThe enemy! It is the enemy! Let me get at 'em!
Draws his sword and gesticulates.
PUCKNo, no!
(Meaningly). -
PUCKThat's the Private enemy,
PUCKthat was promoted to the position of General enemy.
(coming down, aside).
PAULHe means Fritz!
(sheathing his sword).
BOUMForgive my excitement, gentlemen.
BOUMI've been a fortnight doing nothing,
BOUMand I feel homesick for the battle-field.
The curtains at the back are drawn aside.
Enter Ladies-in- waiting, Officers, etc.,
preceded by two Ushers.
CHORUS and SONG. - FRITZ.
CHORUSOur soldiers victorious
CHORUSNow are coming back in state,
CHORUSAfter exploits glorious
CHORUSThat we gladly celebrate!
During this Chorus the GRAND DUCHESS
enters L., attended by IZA, CHARLOTTE, OLGA, and AMELIE.
Her court train is carried by two little negroes.
On seeing her, PRINCE PAUL, BOUM,
and PUCK hasten towards her, bowing.
(aside).
DUCHESSI shall see him again,
DUCHESS'Tis the hour of my fate!
Can I hide from him then,
DUCHESSThat my love is so great?
The two Ushers have brought on from L. the ducal throne
and a stool, and place them a little L.
They then retire and stand on each side of the door.
CHORUSOur soldiers victorious, etc.
During the reprise of this Chorus,
the GRAND DUCHESS seats herself on the throne,
surrounded by her Maids of Honour.
FRITZ enters at back, followed by MACROBRUNNER, HOCHHEIM,
and NIERSTEIN. He advances towards the GRAND DUCHESS
and bends his knee before her.
She represses her emotion with difficulty.
FRITZ rises as the Chorus ends.
(to GRAND DUCHESS).
FRITZYour Highness, all is done,
FRITZAnd peace is now restored;
FRITZYour gallant troops have won,
FRITZYour enemies are foiled!
FRITZHerewith I return you - unsoiled -
Takes the sword from the hand of Officer.
With emotion.
FRITZThe broadsword, the broadsword, the broadsword!
FRITZThe broadsword true and tried, your blessed father's sword!
(with emotion, rising, taking the sword and kissing it).
DUCHESSHere is the broadsword, the broadsword, the broadsword!
DUCHESSHere is my blessed father's broadsword!
ALLThere is her blessed father's sword!
(with dignity, giving the sword to NEPOMUC,
who has approached on her left).
DUCHESSSo put it back into the armoury Museum!
NEPOMUC takes sword and exit with it L.
(to FRITZ).
DUCHESSNow, General, with victory crowned
DUCHESSBefore my Court, who long to hear you,
DUCHESSRelate your triumph great,
DUCHESSAnd let the glory of your deeds resound!
The DUCHESS re-seats herself.
CHORUSRelate your triumph great,
CHORUSAnd let the glory of your deeds resound!
FRITZThen I the story will relate;
FRITZA true report,
FRITZConcise and short -
FRITZOf how by skill and tactics great,
FRITZWithout a blow,
FRITZI floored the foe!
SONG. - FRITZ.
FRITZAll in good order, banners high,
FRITZWe marched away, some days ago,
FRITZWhen, in a camp, one day I spy
FRITZFull twenty thousand men or so!
FRITZQuickly I pass the word to halt -
FRITZA plan I had
FRITZThat wasn't bad!
FRITZI didn't go in for assault,
FRITZI played on them
FRITZA stratagem!
FRITZI had two hundred thousand bottles,
FRITZFull of wine, spirits, and what not:
FRITZYou meant them for your army's throttles -
FRITZI let their troopers raid the lot!
FRITZOh, soon they were a merry rout!
FRITZ"The wine - this way!
FRITZHip, hip, hooray!"
FRITZThe wine was in, the wit was out,
FRITZAnd I lay low
FRITZAnd made no show!
FRITZWell, on the morrow we were ready,
FRITZWe challenged them to join in fight;
FRITZOut of the camp they rolled unsteady,
FRITZAnd, bless my soul! they were a sight!
FRITZOver the field they came to parley,
FRITZShoving, wheeling,
FRITZRolling, reeling,
FRITZJust like a great big field of barley
FRITZThat wildly sways,
FRITZOn windy days!
FRITZThen the commander, in the middle,
FRITZTheir merry chief, with warlike wink,
FRITZFrolicked, as tight as any fiddle,
FRITZAnd called to me, à¾I'll stand a drink!"
FRITZI answered back, "No, I am paying!"
FRITZIt did annoy
FRITZThis poor old boy -
FRITZHe waved his bottle, came on swaying,
FRITZAnd led a charge
FRITZBoth fine and large!
FRITZLord, how I laughed to hear the rows, and
FRITZTo see this hero, half insane,
FRITZLeading his drunken twenty thousand,
FRITZAnd all a-singing this refrain -
FRITZLa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la!
FRITZAll were so full of wine and toddy,
FRITZYou touched one clown,
FRITZThey all fell down!
FRITZSo we did not kill anybody,
FRITZIt would have been
FRITZExtremely mean!
FRITZStill, in the coming age, that spot'll
FRITZEver be known and famed by us,
FRITZFor there, upon the field of bottle,
FRITZYour soldiers slept victorious!
ALLLong live General Fritz!
(rising).
DUCHESSGeneral, we are pleased with you.
DUCHESSYou have an arm of iron and a silver tongue!
(aside).
PUCKAnd a wooden head!
(aside).
BOUMAnd a brazen cheek!
(to the Court).
DUCHESSLadies and gentlemen,
DUCHESSwe are compelled to terminate this function.
DUCHESSThe interests of our dear Grand Duchy oblige us
DUCHESSto discuss certain intimate matters
DUCHESSwith our Commander-in-Chief - matters which must be
DUCHESSfor his private ears alone.
DUCHESSWe permit you to withdraw!
They don't move at once.
(aside to PUCK).
PAULWhy should she want to talk to him alone?
(aside).
BOUMShe is going it!
(aside).
PUCKI can't think how you can stand it!
(aside).
PAULIf only I saw a way --
BOUMPerhaps we can show you one!
These sentences must be spoken very rapidly.
(regally).
DUCHESSLadies and gentlemen, we await your pleasure.
Change of tone.
DUCHESS- But we're not going to await it long, understand!
Exeunt Chorus, to refrain of "Our soldiers victorious," etc.,
through opening at back.
PRINCE PAUL, BOUM, and PUCK follow arm in arm.
The Ushers go out last, closing the hangings.
The Maids of Honour and the negroes exeunt L.
The GRAND DUCHESS and FRITZ are alone.
DUCHESSAt last we are alone!
FRITZYes, there's nobody else here.
DUCHESSI am so glad to see you again.
FRITZThank you, m'm. Same to you, and many of 'em.
DUCHESSThank you.
FRITZDon't thank me, m'm. There's nothing to thank me for.
DUCHESSHow right I was. When you first attracted my attention
DUCHESSyou were simply a private.
FRITZJust a recruit.
DUCHESSI promoted you to Commander-in-Chief.
DUCHESSWhat's the result? The enemy is routed!
FRITZYes, there's no mistake about that!
DUCHESSThe least I can do in return is to show you some further favour.
FRITZHow do you mean? Here am I, Commander-in-Chief.
FRITZWhat's the good of talking about further favours.
DUCHESSYou mean that you think you've got as high as you can?
FRITZI don't think it - I know it. I've found that Field- Marshal's staff
FRITZthat they say is in every private's knapsack.
FRITZI've distinguished myself in the field.
DUCHESSCertainly you have - in the field of battle!
DUCHESSBut there are other fields.
FRITZOf course there's other fields - corn-fields,
FRITZturnip- fields, gold-fields -
DUCHESSI mean - other fields of conquest.
FRITZOh - ah - yes! Nice and green they're looking, too,
FRITZfor the time of year.
Aside.
FRITZ- I don't know what she's talking about.
DUCHESSA suite of rooms has been prepared for you in the Palace,
DUCHESSat the suggestion of General Boum.
FRITZGeneral Boum?
DUCHESSCertainly! The idea occurred to him - by my orders!
FRITZBlow me pink! I should like to have seen his face
FRITZwhen he got your orders to think that out;
FRITZit must have been a picture.
DUCHESSShall I banish him? I will, if he annoys you.
FRITZOh, no! He don't annoy me exactly.
Laughing.
FRITZIt's the old story - a young lady in the case.
DUCHESSA young lady?
FRITZYes. The old one -
FRITZI mean the one I told you about, you know.
DUCHESSWhat strange creatures men are!
FRITZBeg pardon!
DUCHESSYou, for instance! -
DUCHESSI wonder what you would really like?
FRITZOh, thanks! I wasn't thinking of taking anything just now,
FRITZbut I don't mind a drop of something,
FRITZif you're going to have some yourself.
DUCHESSYou don't understand me.
DUCHESSI was wondering what form of female sympathy
DUCHESSmight appeal most to you.
FRITZBeg pardon! I don't quite catch.
DUCHESSHow I envy the simple-minded peasant girl!
DUCHESSWhen Gretel loves Hansel, what does she do?
She takes his strong hand in hers,
DUCHESSlays her sunburnt cheek against his, and says -
FRITZMy lad, I want a sweetheart.
DUCHESSBut in our world everything's so artificial.
DUCHESSA girl mayn't tell her love, she has to hint it.
She gazes earnestly at FRITZ, who shows no sign of intelligence.
DUCHESSNow, for instance, in this very Palace there's a lady
DUCHESSwho is madly in love with you.
FRITZIn this Palace? A lady? Go on away!
DUCHESSWell - she - poor thing! - mayn't take your strong hand -
FRITZAnd shove her face against mine.
DUCHESSOf course she mayn't. All she can do is tell her tale to me.
FRITZHas she told you?
DUCHESSShe has!
FRITZWhat! then she's - as a body may say - a bit gone on me?
DUCHESSMadly!
(laughing).
FRITZWell, upon my soul, what a laughable state of things.
(angrily).
DUCHESSLaughable?
FRITZNo, I don't mean laughable.
Aside.
FRITZ- She don't fancy me saying laughable.
Aloud.
FRITZ- I mean singular - alarming - peculiar!
FRITZI say, what's this lady like? A little bit of "all right" is she?
DUCHESSMy courtiers say
DUCHESSshe is the most beautiful woman in Gerolstein.
DUCHESSAbout her rank I will say nothing -
FRITZRank? A lady of rank? Oh, blow me pink!
DUCHESSExcept this: she can place within your reach everything
DUCHESSthat you can possibly desire.
DUCHESSSurely you have guessed who the lady is?
FRITZWait a bit! Very nearly! I'm warm - I'm burning!
FRITZNo, it's no good! I never could guess riddles.
FRITZTell me what she said.
DUET. - GRAND DUCHESS and FRITZ.
DUCHESSShe said, "When you next behold him,
DUCHESSTell him all I would have told him;
DUCHESSSay to him -"
FRITZWhat?
DUCHESS"What I say to you."
SOLO. - GRAND DUCHESS.
DUCHESSSay to him, his soldierly mien
DUCHESSI have seen;
DUCHESSSay to him, I think him distracting!
DUCHESSSay to him, if he answered so,
DUCHESSI don't know
DUCHESSWith what folly I might not be acting!
DUCHESSAh! if he would care to wage a war
DUCHESSWhose battles are lovers' quarrels,
DUCHESSHow soon could the handsome conqueror
DUCHESSWin roses to mix with his laurels!
DUCHESSSay to him, my fancy he took
DUCHESSAt a look -
DUCHESSSay to him, I'm silly with sighing!
DUCHESSSay to him, for hours at a stretch
DUCHESS- Oh, the wretch! -
DUCHESSI keep thinking of him till I'm crying!
DUCHESSAlas! it seemed a sudden chance,
DUCHESSNo lightning could ever be faster!
DUCHESSMy passion waked to meet his glance,
DUCHESSI knew that my life had a master!
DUCHESSSay to him, unless he would doom
DUCHESSTo the tomb,
DUCHESSSay to him, (for her, mind, I'm pleading),
DUCHESSSay to him, he cannot say "nay,"
DUCHESSOnly say,
DUCHESSI am fair and my love is exceeding!
DUCHESSWell now! what answer will you send?
(aside).
FRITZMy future may depend
FRITZOn what I tell her friend!
DUCHESSReply, reply;
DUCHESSIn just two words you can, sir!
DUCHESSYou know, to my friend,
DUCHESSI must send an answer!
FRITZTell your friend I am tender-hearted -
DUCHESSI will tell her so!
FRITZAnd I'm pleased by what you've imparted -
DUCHESSI will tell her so!
FRITZAnd I beg with sincere professions -
DUCHESSI will tell her so!
FRITZTo return her polite expressions -
DUCHESSI will tell her so!
(aside).
FRITZI say all that, but, truly I confess,
FRITZI'm as much at sea
FRITZAs a man can be!
FRITZThe devil take me,
FRITZFrizzle me or bake me,
FRITZIf I her name at all can guess!
DUCHESSWell, then -
FRITZWell, then - Tell your friend I am tender-hearted, etc.
ENSEMBLE.
(aside).
(aside).
FRITZHe's made it out,
FRITZI can't make out
FRITZWithout a doubt,
FRITZWhat she's about.
FRITZFor the heart, for the heart
FRITZFor my part, for my part,
FRITZIt can feel, and it can know!
FRITZWhere I am, I don't know!
FRITZ goes up stage, then comes down thinking to himself.
The GRAND DUCHESS seats herself L.
(aside).
FRITZWell, I fancy I've got the swing of it now.
FRITZHere am I - Field-Marshal, Commander-in- Chief -
FRITZall over honours and decorations.
FRITZAnd this Court Lady, who fancies me,
FRITZwould see I don't lose 'em.
(who is watching him).
DUCHESSGeneral!
(still to himself).
FRITZBut where I'm cornered is regarding Wanda.
(louder).
DUCHESSGeneral!
(turning).
FRITZYour Highness!
DUCHESSCome here - near me.
(crossing to her, aside).
FRITZIt's jolly puzzling.
He is about to kneel upon the footstool at her feet.
DUCHESSNo, no! Sit down.
FRITZ sits on the footstool.
DUCHESSDo you
DUCHESSknow, you look awfully well with your stars
DUCHESSand medals and things. -
Indicates the decorations on his breast.
DUCHESSBy the way, at any time you feel you'd like any more,
DUCHESSyou've only to say so. Where was I? - oh, I know!
DUCHESSI was asking you about this poor woman who - cares for you.
DUCHESSYou didn't give me a definite answer.
You only said in a general sort of way -
(laughing).
A General's bound to talk in a general sort of way.
DUCHESSHow ready you are! But, seriously -
DUCHESSI must have a definite answer.
FRITZOh, I see! This lady's not only sent the message,
FRITZbut prepaid the reply, so to speak?
DUCHESSExactly. What am I to say?
(She nervously toys with the order
that FRITZ wears around his neck.)
(screams).
FRITZAh!
DUCHESSWhat's the matter?
FRITZD'you know, you're tickling me. I can't stand being tickled.
FRITZIt was just the same when I was a kiddy. I never could stand it.
FRITZAnything but that! I'd sooner have a shove in the eye
FRITZthan anybody come and tickle me, I don't care who it is.
DUCHESSI'm so sorry!
FRITZOh, that's all right! You couldn't know, you know.
DUCHESSWell, but - tell me - about this poor lady.
DUCHESSSupposing you were sitting close to her -
DUCHESSas you're sitting now - what little answer
DUCHESSwould you whisper to her?
FRITZWell - blow me pink!
DUCHESSThat's very ready, too. It's a phrase you use rather often perhaps
DUCHESS- but always with a charmingly varied inflection.
DUCHESSBut what would you say afterwards?
FRITZAfterwards? Well - I tell you - I -
FRITZI - should feel jolly puzzled.
Enter NEPOMUC at back with message.
He sees the DUCHESS, sneezes and retires behind curtain.
FRITZ and GRAND DUCHESS rise.
FRITZ goes up and takes the letter from NEPOMUC.
(coming down).
FRITZA despatch, your Highness,
FRITZfrom the Chief Superintendent of Police.
DUCHESSGive it to me.
FRITZ gives it to her.
(aside).
FRITZIt would have been all right if Wanda had never been born
FRITZ- but she has been born - and -
FRITZwell, it's jolly puzzling - that's what it is!
(reading despatch, aside).
DUCHESS"Disorderly conduct of General Fritz . . . .
DUCHESSPublic outrage . . . . Parading the town with a village wench
DUCHESS- known by the name of Wanda." I must investigate this.
To NEPOMUC.
DUCHESS- Is my Chief Superintendent there?
NEPOMUCHe is, your Highness.
(aside).
DUCHESSWanda! Oh, it can't be!
Aloud, to FRITZ.
DUCHESS- Will you excuse me for a moment?
FRITZOh, that's all right!
DUCHESSDon't go till I return.
To NEPOMUC.
DUCHESS- Captain, escort us.
Exeunt GRAND DUCHESS and NEPOMUC.
(alone).
FRITZWell, it's jolly puzzling.
FRITZSuppose this lady comes to me and says,
FRITZ"Here I am, General!" what am I to answer back? If I say,
FRITZ"Thank you, Madam, I have some - I'm not taking any,"
FRITZshe'd get wild, very likely. Mind you,
FRITZshe'd have no right to get wild.
FRITZWhen a lady writes and asks any one for
FRITZ"the pleasure of his company to dinner,"
FRITZhe writes back saying that he "regrets
FRITZthat a previous engagement prevents him
FRITZfrom giving himself the pleasure."
Well, that's my point. He don't say,
FRITZHe don't want your nasty dinner!"
FRITZand I don't say à¾I don't want your nasty company!"
FRITZAll I say is, "A previous engagement" -
FRITZby which I mean Wanda -
FRITZ"prevents me from giving myself the pleasure."
FRITZSo I shall just mention it to the Grand Duchess,
FRITZand she can pass the word on to her lady friend.
Music in orchestra. PRINCE PAUL, BOUM,
and PUCK enter mysteriously at back.
(aside).
FRITZThere's them three beauties!
(aside to his companions).
PUCKThere's our man!
(aside to PAUL).
BOUMWe can't initiate you while he's here.
Enter NEPOMUC at back.
(to FRITZ).
NEPOMUCGeneral!
FRITZHallo, Captain! How are you?
NEPOMUCHer Highness is detained by affairs of State.
NEPOMUCShe has instructed me to conduct you
NEPOMUCto your apartments in the palace - the Crimson Suite.
He goes up and remains at back of stage.
(aside to PRINCE PAUL).
PUCKThe Crimson Suite!
PRINCE PAUL does not understand.
(to NEPOMUC).
FRITZAll right.
Aside.
FRITZ- I shall just tell the Duchess that in self-defence
FRITZI've made up my mind to marry Wanda at once.
(Aloud.) -
FRITZWhere's the Crimson Suite?
NEPOMUCI will escort you there.
(salutes PRINCE PAUL, BOUM, and PUCK).
FRITZGood day, gentlemen.
FRITZPAUL, BOUM, and PUCK.
FRITZGood day, sir.
(to BOUM).
FRITZWell, he's got three somehow!
BOUMWho's got - where?
FRITZWhy, that "infernal recruit." He ain't where he was,
FRITZand you ain't where you were. It's a funny world!
Going.
(angrily).
BOUMWhat the devil do you mean, sir?
FRITZUgh! You're no General!
BOUM makes a gesture of rage. PUCK restrains him.
Exit FRITZ at back, followed by NEPOMUC.
(meaningly to PRINCE PAUL).
PUCKDid you hear? Her Highness has ordered the Crimson Suite
PUCKto be prepared for the man Fritz. The Crimson Suite!
(meaningly).
BOUMI thought it would come to that!
PUCKI knew it!
To PRINCE PAUL.
PUCK- You don't understand!
PAULNot in the least!
PUCKYou shall!
PUCKObserve that picture.
PAULOh, I can't bear it! I'm an Impressionist, you know.
PUCKNever mind. Press you finger upon that weather-
PUCKbeaten hero's left spur.
(going towards picture, then hesitating).
PAULOh - ah - I dare say.
BOUMYou have only to press it lightly.
PAULOh, yes! I know! I've been had in that sort of way before.
PAULYou go and press a spring, and something flies out
PAULand hits you on the nose. I don't think it's a bit funny.
BOUMNo - no; on my word of honour, it's nothing of the kind.
SYSTEMI shall be really angry if it turns out to be a practical joke.
Goes to picture, touches spring,
the picture ascends, and the panel slowly slides back.
An icy blast forces PRINCE PAUL to retreat.
Strange sounds - clarinet in orchestra imitates hooting of owls.
PAULWho's that giving farmyard imitations?
PUCKNo one. No human being would dare to tread those boards.
PUCKThe sound you hear is the cry of the screech-owl.
PUCKCenturies have rolled since yonder panel last yawned.
With the manner of a person beginning a long story.
PUCK- Two hundred years ago
(approaching PUCK).
PAULI have a kind of instinct that you're going to tell me a tale.
BOUMA terrible tale.
PAULOh, do! I belong to the Gerolstein Psychical Society,
PAULyou know, and this is just the kind of thing that impresses us.
PUCKI will. You must understand that that corridor has two ends.
PAULHow extraordinary! How weird!
(continuing).
PUCKAt one end, is this room; at the other end,
PUCKis the Crimson Suite -
PUCKwhere General Fritz is to be lodged.
PAULAh!
PUCKThere are two secret panels:
PUCKthis one concealed by the portrait of a warrior,
PUCKthe other by the portrait of a lady.
PUCKTo open our panel, you press the warrior's left spur.
To open the further one you press the lady's left knee.
PAULHer left knee?
PUCKYes; a little fancy of the painter's.
PUCKThe subject of this portrait was one Max,
PUCKCount Seidlitz von der Powdergestein.
PUCKThe picture at the other end represents
PUCKthe Grand Duchess Victorine,
PUCKthe ancestress of our Grand Duchess.
PAULGo on! Your story fascinates me.
BALLAD and TRIO. -
PRINCE PAUL, BOUM, and PUCK.
BOUMIt will whiten your cheek,
BOUMA legend grim and gory!
PUCKAnd if these walls could speak,
PUCKThey might repeat the story!
BOUMCounty Max in the world had to go forth,
BOUMWith but his sword;
BOUMBut his eyes and moustaches, and so forth,
BOUMWomen adored!
BOUMAnd the Duchess bestowed on the rover
BOUMHer heart complete;
BOUMAnd, for lodging, assigned to her lover
BOUMThe Crimson Suite!
BOUMAnd at midnight dark and shady,
BOUMMax, from his door,
BOUMWould hear the footsteps of his lady,
BOUMIn that corridor!
PAULThat corridor!
PUCKThat corridor!
TRIOHear, all ye new generation,
TRIOThe awful relation
TRIOAnd terrible fate of the last of his line,
TRIOOf County Max - County Max Seidlitz -
TRIOCounty Max Seidlitz von der Powdergestein!
PUCKCounty Max, as he hopefully sat there,
PUCKHeard, one dark night,
PUCKThat the footsteps, that went pit-a-pat there,
PUCKWere far from light!
PUCKIn his fright, for a way of escaping
PUCKVainly he sought;
PUCKFor he saw, through the wainscotting gaping
PUCKThose feet had brought
PUCKA dozen men in sable vizard,
PUCKWith sword and axe,
PUCKWho let the moonlight through the gizzard
PUCKOf County Max!
PAULA dozen men -
BOUMThirsting for gore -
PUCKThrough that dark door!
TRIOHear, all ye new generation, etc.
BOUM closes the secret door,
and comes back close to PRINCE PAUL.
BOUMNow, you see what we're driving at?
PAULOh yes, I see; but it's awful
PUCKWe mean to kill him like a rat!
PAULYou think we should? Perhaps it's lawful!
BOUMWe'll see him lodged, this very day,
BOUMThere, by the gloomy passage-way;
BOUMWe'll put him where we said before,
BOUMThere, at the end of the corridor!
(very gaily).
TRIOWe'll see him lodged, etc.
PAULYes, to-night, our pretty Master Fritz,
PAULListening through the midnight shady,
PAULThinks to hear, as he waiting sits,
PAULSteps of a tripping little lady.
BOUMThe step, the step, the pretty little step!
PUCKNot if I know it, there's no fear,
PUCKThat is a step he'll never hear!
(more gaily still, and with a dance movement).
TRIOWe'll see him lodged, etc.
BOUMWhen he dreams of love and of glory,
BOUMAnd says to himself, "You'll be a Grand Duke, my buck!"
BOUMWith faces masked, for murder gory,
BOUMIn come the three, Paul, Boum, and Puck!
PAULComes the gallant Paul!
BOUMComes the fearless Boum!
PUCKComes the daring Puck!
TRIOYes - Paul, Boum, Puck!
With wild gaiety and a very animated dance.
TRIOWe'll see him lodged, etc.
Music continues during the ensuing dialogue
until the last words, "As he enters the Crimson Suite!"
The GRAND DUCHESS enters.
Seeing PRINCE PAUL, BOUM, and PUCK,
she stands at back and overhears their conversation.
PAULThen, if I understand you, this is a conspiracy.
PAULBOUM and PUCK.
PAULA conspiracy!
PAULFor the extermination of the man Fritz!
PAULBOUM and PUCK.
PAULFor the extermination of the man Fritz!
PAULCome to my rooms, then, in an hour's time. I'll order tea.
PUCKBut, I suppose, as your guests,
PUCKwe can have something besides tea?
BOUMJust ourselves - or will there be any ladies?
BOUMBecause, if so, I must go home and dress.
PAULLadies! What? In a conspiracy?
(coming down between PRINCE PAUL and BOUM).
DUCHESSExcuse me, Prince, there will be one lady there.
DUCHESSPAUL, PUCK, and BOUM
(much alarmed).
DUCHESSThe Grand Duchess!
(Aside.) -
DUCHESSWe're lost!
Aloud.
DUCHESS- Your Highness --
(alarmed).
PAULI shall say I don't know anything about it!
DUCHESSDo not be alarmed, gentlemen!
DUCHESSThis league is directed,
DUCHESSas I understand, against General Fritz?
BOUMThat was, to a certain extent, our original idea -
BOUM- but it's subject to alteration, of course.
DUCHESSSay no more!
DUCHESSI instal myself as Lady President of the League.
(aside).
BOUMHallo!
(aside).
PUCKThat's better!
(aside).
PAULWhat a relief!
DUCHESSDo you know what General Fritz has done?
DUCHESSHe has had the insolence to ask
DUCHESSmy permission to marry the girl Wanda.
DUCHESSMy friends, I have sent him that permission.
DUCHESSIn a few hours' time he and this - creature -
DUCHESSwill start for the Cathedral.
DUCHESSIt will be your business to check his progress.
DUCHESSPAUL, PUCK, and BOUM.
DUCHESSAt what point?
You will strike - as he enters the Crimson Suite.
DUCHESSPAUL, PUCK, and BOUM
(with joy).
DUCHESSAs he enters the Crimson Suite!
DUCHESSWe'll see him lodged, etc.
(dancing wildly).
QUARTETWe'll see him lodged, etc.
At the end of the dance PUCK gives "a back"
to PRINCE PAUL and to BOUM,
who go over him leap frog.
The GRAND DUCHESS begins to tuck up her skirts,
and gives a little run towards PUCK,
who remains offering "a back,"
but she stops short as she gets up to him,
looking round with a shocked expression
and her finger on her lip, as if saying,
"Oh, no, I mustn't!"
SYSTEMACT III.
SCENE 1. - Ante-chamber of the Crimson Suite.
Evening. Secret door R.C. concealed by full-length portrait
of the Grand Duchess Victorine.
Enter BOUM.
(goes to picture).
BOUMHere we are! Now which is her knee?
Touches knee - the secret panel opens.
Enter mysteriously PUCK, PRINCE PAUL,
GROG, and NEPOMUC.
(counting them).
BOUMOne, two, three, four. Right!
The panel closes.
(to BOUM).
PUCKIs Baron Grog aware of the object of the league?
(with indifference).
GROGAs I understand it, it is merely
GROGto "remove" some person in authority.
BOUMHark ye, all of you!
Draws his sword.
(worried).
PUCKTut, tut, tut! What is it now?
(terrified).
PAULPut that horrid thing away!
PAULPUCK, GROG, and NEPOMUC.
PAULYes, yes! put it away!
(with energy).
BOUMWhatever dark task I take up,
BOUMI see it through! Understand, once for all,
BOUMthe man who backs out, I cut him in two!
PUCKBut nobody dreams of backing out.
(threatening PRINCE PAUL).
BOUMIf you want to back up, I cut you in two!
PAULNow please oblige me by putting that back in its sheath.
PAULIt's most dangerous, especially when you're excited.
PUCKDo, for goodness' sake, quiet down.
PUCKWhen you get into one of your moods you're hopeless.
(putting back his sword in its sheath).
BOUMI've said my say. If anybody doesn't like it,
BOUMthey can do the other thing.
PAULThere, there! That's quite enough.
BOUMAnd now, are you sure of your weapons?
PUCKAbsolutely!
PUCKEvery blade is branded in large type, "Sheffield."
PAULAnd in smaller letters, "Made in Gerolstein."
Enter GRAND DUCHESS .
She comes between BOUM and PUCK.
DUCHESSGentlemen, if your hears are
DUCHESSas true as your blades, I have no fear!
PUCKHer Highness!
All bow.
BOUMI shall cut him in two!
DUCHESSSh! sh! I have a boon to ask of you.
PUCKYour Highness has but to ask.
DUCHESS'Tis but a woman's whim.
DUCHESSWhen you strike, spare his face.
(in the corner L., masked by PRINCE PAUL, ironically).
GROGIt would never do to spoil his beauty!
DUCHESSWho spoke?
DUCHESSWho is this? I do not know him.
PAULThis is Baron Grog; Papa's envoy,
PAULyou know, whom you always refused to see.
(crossing to PRINCE PAUL,
and scrutinizing GROG with interest).
DUCHESSI perceive that I was gravely in error.
(To PRINCE PAUL, BOUM, and PUCK).
DUCHESS- Go, and post your men.
DUCHESSYou, Baron Grog, will remain.
(as surprised as his imperturbability allows).
GROGYour Highness!
DUCHESSYou have frequently, I believe, sought an audience.
DUCHESSI grant it to you now.
(aside to GROG).
PAULNow's your chance, old friend.
PAULFind out what's really in her mind.
PAULGet into her head, Grog - get into her head!
Repeated melodrame music in orchestra.
Exeunt PRINCE PAUL, BOUM, PUCK,
and NEPOMUC R.C. The GRAND DUCHESS goes up stage
with them a little way. GROG crosses L.
(to GROG).
DUCHESSBaron, your frank face pleases me.
GROGYour Highness -
DUCHESSFrank faces are rare. Yours is absolutely frank.
GROGWe will talk, if you please, of his Highness the Prince.
DUCHESSPresently. Do you know I've never talked with any one
DUCHESSwho interested me in the way you do?
DUCHESSIt isn't so much what you say,
DUCHESSas your unique method of saying it.
DUCHESSYou say the most startling things,
DUCHESSand your face never moves a muscle!
GROGThe result of education.
DUCHESSIndeed?
GROGWhen I was yet in my cradle, my father
GROGand mother decided that I was destined for diplomacy.
GROGIn consequence my face had assumed an icy mask
GROGof Sphinx-like ambiguity even when I was a baby.
(smiling).
DUCHESSYears ago, I suppose?
GROGYears ago. If my baby face lost even for an instant
GROGits statesmanlike expression of bland inscrutability,
GROGI was - saving your presence - spanked by my sainted mother.
DUCHESSPoor little dear! Will you do me a favour?
GROGWhat its it?
DUCHESSLet the others go in front of you.
GROG makes a slight movement of the lip.
DUCHESSNow what are you doing? What does that mean? -
Imitates his grimace.
GROGWhat does what mean?
DUCHESSThat little grimace, that hardly perceptible movement
DUCHESSof the lips - like this. -
Imitates him again.
DUCHESSWith any one else it would mean nothing,
DUCHESSbut with you it must be a roar of laughter.
GROGPerfectly true!
DUCHESSYou see how well I know you already!
DUCHESSTell me, what was it made you -
DUCHESSsplit your sides with mirth - in that way?
GROGI had rather not.
DUCHESSWell, what was it?
GROGA few minutes ago you were anxious about Fritz's beauty.
GROGNow you are anxious about mine.
(smiling, aside).
DUCHESSHow absurd! But it's perfectly true.
If I wanted to draw conclusions -
DUCHESSSh! - sh! You mustn't draw conclusions!
GROGNo!
DUCHESSLet's talk of something else. Talk to me about yourself.
DUCHESSWhat is your position at the Elector's Court?
GROGChamberlain.
DUCHESSIs that all? A man of your power and abilities!
Now, if you would leave the Elector's Court
DUCHESSand accept office here, I could offer you
sighs
DUCHESSa far softer billet.
GROGOut of the question, I regret to say.
DUCHESSHow so?
GROGUnless your Highness consents to marry Prince Paul.
DUCHESSTo marry Prince Paul! Why come back to that?
GROGI thought, madam, that we had been talking of nothing else.
DUCHESSMy dear Baron, you're a diplomatist!
GROGI wish I could persuade your Highness to take my Prince.
GROGHe is really a most harmless young man.
DUCHESSAn ideal diplomatist!
Re-enter PRINCE PAUL, BOUM, and PUCK.
(annoyed).
DUCHESSWho's there? Oh! it's you, gentlemen.
(aside to GROG).
PAULWell?
(aside to PRINCE PAUL).
GROGWe're getting on!
(aside, with joy).
PAULFaithful old friend!
(to BOUM).
DUCHESSHave you located your men?
BOUMI have, your Highness.
DUCHESSWell, them dislocate them - I mean, disperse them -
glancing significantly at GROG
DUCHESS- there will be no assassination to-night.
(stupefied with anger).
BOUMNonsense!
DUCHESSI have spoken.
DUCHESSThere will be no assassination to-night.
BOUMWhy not?
Fiercely.
BOUM- The enemy! Where is the enemy?
BOUMLet me get at him!
(Business with sword).
DUCHESSI do nothing without a reason.
DUCHESSOn this occasion, my reason is -
DUCHESSthat I've changed my mind.
PUCKBut half an hour ago -
DUCHESSHalf an hour ago I was in a bad temper.
DUCHESSSince then something or other -
looking at GROG, with meaning
DUCHESSthe Baron's eloquence, perhaps -
DUCHESShas put me in a sweeter mood.
GROG bows.
(to GROG).
PAULDear old friend!
(working himself into a passion).
BOUMYour Highness, this fellow Fritz has fooled me.
BOUMHe stole the heart of little Wanda,
BOUMa wench to whom I had shown some favour.
BOUMHe stole my General's feather,
BOUMthe oriflamme that many a time has waved
BOUMwhere the fight was thickest. I demand his blood!
BOUMI shall cut him in quarters!
With great energy.
BOUM- I challenge him to single combat to-night!
PUCKThat will oblige him to put
PUCKoff his wedding till to-morrow.
BOUMPut off his wedding till to-morrow!
BOUMPut off his wedding for ever!
BOUMAnnihilate his wedding! Let me get at him!
Business with sword.
DUCHESSOh, for that, as you please! I don't object to a duel.
(slightly disconcerted).
BOUMWhat?
GROGCut him in six!
(aside to PRINCE PAUL).
PUCKWe shall still have our fun!
PUCKWe must keep old Boum up to this!
(with less energy).
BOUMI've a - I've a perfect right to kill him!
(aloud to BOUM).
PUCKHonour demands it!
DUCHESSGeneral Boum - or any one who values my favour -
DUCHESScan challenge the upstart.
DUCHESSLet the duel take place at once. And -
with meaning, looking at GROG
DUCHESS- when General Fritz is vanquished,
DUCHESSlet the victor comes to me for his reward.
Bows to all, but with marked graciousness to GROG, and exit.
(who is beginning to look very uncomfortable).
BOUMLook here, I say, I don't see
BOUMhow I can fight with a promoted private.
PUCKNonsense!
BOUMIt's all very well for you to say "nonsense"!
Aside.
BOUM- Old fool! I'll flog that sentry who missed him!
Aloud.
BOUM- After all, I can't help pitying the poor wretch -
BOUMhe didn't know any better.
BOUMPerhaps a reprimand might meet the case.
PAULHardly!
GROGCut him in eight!
BOUMHow can I ask any friends of mine to wait on any friends of his?
PUCKNepomuc's the man. He'll do it.
(aside).
BOUMOld idiot! I'll give that sentry penal servitude!
PAULI shall be happy to represent General Fritz.
GROGWell said!
(who is trying to get towards door).
BOUMI must just go and have a look
BOUMat the Grand Duchess's regulations to see whether -
PUCKNo, no. Let's find Nepomuc,
PUCKand arrange preliminaries. Come along!
(aside, as he goes off).
BOUMI'll hang that sentry!
Exeunt PRINCE PAUL, GROG,
and PUCK R.I.E. BOUM following unwillingly.
Enter FRITZ and WANDA
FRITZCome along, Wanda.
FRITZWhat do you want to be nervous about?
WANDADon't talk silly! Anybody would be nervous!
FRITZI could understand it if you were going to marry a stranger.
FRITZBut it's only me you're going to marry!
WANDAQuite enough too!
FRITZPerhaps you're nervous at marrying a Commander-in-Chief?
FRITZWell, that I can understand.
FRITZStill, there's many a girl's done it before.
WANDAWhat! You don't mean to say you've been -
FRITZNo, no! I mean, many a girl's had to marry Generals,
FRITZand Admirals, and Commanders, and all such things as that.
FRITZIt's only the uniform what dazzles 'em.
FRITZBut, bless you, a uniform's only skin deep.
FRITZWe Commanders- in-Chief, we're only men.
WANDADon't keep talking about your rank and your uniform.
FRITZHow do you want me to talk?
WANDAYou know - at least you do sometimes - when you're nice.
WANDAI want you to talk - more loving.
FRITZOh! that's all right!
DUET. - WANDA and FRITZ.
WANDAIt seems so strange to be together,
WANDAIn such a grand and splendid place.
WANDAWith Fritz's coat all golden lace,
WANDAAnd then that monster of a feather!
WANDAIt seems so strange to be together!
WANDABut why on earth should that annoy?
WANDAFor he's my boy!
FRITZWith feathers waving proud above you,
FRITZI am a hero, I confess;
FRITZBut underneath this awfulness,
FRITZYou'll find a husband fond to love you!
FRITZYes, there's a husband fond to love you!
FRITZSo why should fear your peace destroy?
FRITZFor I'm your boy!
Enter HOCHHEIM, NIERSTEIN,
FRITZSoldiers, Peasants, and Vivandieres
SOLO and CHORUS. ("COME TO CHURCH").
NIERSTEINCome to church, noble lord, come to church!
ALLCome to church!
NIERSTEINAnd when the ceremony's o'er,
ALLAt the church!
NIERSTEINYou will not care to rove any more,
ALLCome to church!
Or leave your lady in the lurch.
ALLCome to church!
HOCHHEIMYou, my lady, we bid you to church!
ALLCome to church!
HOCHHEIMAnd when the ceremony's o'er,
ALLAt the church!
HOCHHEIMYou will live happy evermore,
ALLOut of church!
HOCHHEIMTwo little love-birds on one perch.
ALLCome to church!
They prepare to escort FRITZ and WANDA to the Cathedral.
Enter quickly PRINCE PAUL, GROG, NEPOMUC,
and PUCK. (Music continues during the ensuing dialogue.)
PUCKStop!
Soldiers and Peasants express surprise and annoyance.
(to FRITZ).
PAULGeneral, I have the honour to represent you.
FRITZIt's very kind of you, but I don't see the likeness.
Aside.
FRITZ- I should be jolly sorry if I did!
PAULIt's an affair of honour.
FRITZHonour? You've come to the wrong shop.
FRITZWe're quite out of it. Come on, Wanda.
Preparing to go.
PAULGeneral Boum has sent you a challenge.
FRITZHas he? It's the first wedding present I've had.
NEPOMUCI had the honour to be the bearer of the General's message.
Bows.
PAULI had the honour to receive it.
Bows to NEPOMUC.
FRITZThen you can have the honour to accept it.
Bows.
FRITZCome on, Wanda!
PAULI have accepted it -
FRITZGood luck to you. Sorry I have to go.
PAULOn your behalf.
FRITZOn my behalf? Well, I call that jolly impertinence,
FRITZif you ask me. I don't want to fight General Boum.
FRITZI'll attend to the matter in a week or two.
Going.
NEPOMUCPardon me, General. You must attend to it now.
PAULThe duel is to take place at once - in the market-place.
HOCHHEIMA duel! How exciting!
NIERSTEINMay we come and see it?
PUCKCertainly not.
Soldiers, etc., express disappointment.
PUCKThis is a private duel.
PUCKYou can all wait in the Cathedral.
WANDAFritz, promise you won't fight?
FRITZI promise I won't, if I can help it.
CHORUS and SCENE.
CHORUSNow, to the fight you must proceed,
CHORUSIt is no use for you to tarry!
CHORUSThen, in the church, should you succeed,
CHORUSAll of us soon will see you marry!
CHORUSAway! away! away!
(to FRITZ).
WANDADo not go, don't, my dear!
(to WANDA).
FRITZNever fear, never fear!
WANDADon't go, don't go, my dear,
WANDAI am shaking with fear!
WANDAPUCK and PAUL.
WANDACome along! Don't delay!
WANDAWe really cannot stay.
(to WANDA).
FRITZWhat do you think I ought to do?
WANDAStay with me, dearest, do not go!
PUCK separates FRITZ and WANDA.
PAULCome outside, come outside,
PAULYou'll have to go and leave your bride!
CHORUSCome outside, come outside,
CHORUSYou'll have to go and leave your bride!
(to FRITZ).
PUCKI'll back you up and see you through,
PUCKI'll bet my ruffled shirt on you!
And if in combat you should fall,
PUCKI'll see about your funeral!
CHORUSWe'll back you up and see you through,
CHORUSAnd put our latest cent on you!
And if in combat you should fall,
CHORUSWe'll all attend the funeral!
(to FRITZ).
HOCHHEIMYou robbed him of his honour bright,
HOCHHEIMYou stepped into his martial shoes!
HOCHHEIMHe's challenged you to single fight,
HOCHHEIMTo end in death - no matter whose!
CHORUSYou robbed him of his honour bright, etc.
(to PUCK).
FRITZLook here, you know, I much prefer
FRITZTo marry her to-night -
FRITZSo we'll adjourn the fight!
PUCKYou'll have to fight ere dawn of day,
PUCKAnd only one will go away!
(to WANDA).
FRITZMy dear, I fear I've got to go.
(to WANDA).
NIERSTEINIt's all right! We'll take care of you!
(to FRITZ).
PUCKSo now prepare your foe to face!
CHORUSYes, now prepare your foe to face!
Exit NEPOMUC
(worried and annoyed).
FRITZWhere have I put my leather belt?
CHORUSWhere has he put my leather belt?
As FRITZ asks for a thing,
MACROBRUNNER passes it to PUCK,
who gives it to FRITZ and helps him put it on
. These movements must be very rapid and without confusion.
FRITZOh, you must find my belt of leather,
FRITZI cannot fight without my belt!
(while PUCK, gives FRITZ the belt).
CHORUSSee, here it is, your leather belt!
FRITZMy sabretache! They go together!
CHORUSThey go together!
PUCK gives it to him.
FRITZAnd now, my feather - yes, my feather!
FRITZPray bring it here, my lofty plume.
PUCK puts the helmet on.
FRITZNow I'm in full costume!
CHORUSNow he has his plume,
CHORUSHe's in full costume!
(entering carrying the sword).
NEPOMUCWait a bit, my lord, do not go,
NEPOMUCI've got it here for you - you know!
(speaking).
FRITZOh! it's her blessed father's sword again!
Takes it and angrily addresses it.
FRITZYou wretched sword, if you but knew
FRITZThe rage I feel at seeing you!
CHORUSForth to the fray, forth to the strife!
FRITZOh, ain't it gay, a soldier's life!
ALLTo the field! to the field!
ALLAnd vow to die before you yield!
ALLTo the field!
NEPOMUC has gone a little up stage.
During the final chorus PUCK has tried to lead FRITZ away.
PRINCE PAUL holds WANDA,
who tries to escape and throw herself in FRITZ's arms.
GROG separates them, and, just as FRITZ is being
led off by PUCK, the Curtain falls.
Scene 2.
A Market Place with Cathedral. Dawn.
Entrance to Cathedral L.C. R. and L. are drinking-booths, etc.
Entrances The Officers, Soldiers, and Villagers are supposed
to be inside the Cathedral awaiting the arrival of FRITZ
and the wedding party. PUCK, PRINCE PAUL,
and NEPOMUC are awaiting the arrival of BOUM
and FRITZ. PUCK is looking off.
PRINCE PAUL and NEPOMUC pacing up and down.
The music continues during opening dialogue.
(to PUCK).
PAULAny sign of him?
PUCKNo.
PAULI do hate people who don't keep appointments.
PAULIt's just as easy to be punctual as to be late.
NEPOMUCDid you thoroughly explain where he was to come?
PAULCertainly. We said "the Market Place."
NEPOMUCHe must be under some misapprehension.
PUCKHe's much more likely under the bed.
NEPOMUCWhere's Fritz?
PAULOur man was here at the time appointed.
PAULHe's hunting for Boum.
Enter FRITZ. Music stops.
PUCKWell?
FRITZWell, I've done all I can to find him.
FRITZI suppose his honour's satisfied. I know mine is!
PUCKHardly.
FRITZWell, I don't care! Boum hasn't turned up.
FRITZI sha'n't wait any longer;
FRITZI'll find Wanda and get married at once.
Goes towards The others draw him back.
PUCKNo, no! You must get the fight over before you marry.
FRITZHow can I fight when Boum's not here?
NEPOMUCI'll run and see if I can find him.
FRITZWell! I'll give you five minutes and that's all.
FRITZIn five minutes I marry; fight or no fight.
Exit NEPOMUC
FRITZWould it do if I fought somebody else?
PAULSilly.
PUCKStop! That's given me an idea.
PAULWhat's that?
(to PRINCE PAUL).
PUCKWhy shouldn't Fritz fight you?
PAULFight me? For the very good reason
PAULthat it takes two to make a fight,
PAULand I'm certainly not going to be one of them.
FRITZI shouldn't get any credit for fighting a little chap like that!
PUCKBut you would get cash, which is much better than credit.
FRITZAh! now you're talking!
PAULBut I don't understand; what shall I gain?
PUCKUnless I'm very much mistaken,
PUCKyou'll gain the hand of the Grand Duchess.
PAULNo! How?
(to PRINCE PAUL).
PUCKI'll explain to you in one moment.
To FRITZ.
PUCK- Three thousand thalers wouldn't make
PUCKa bad little dowry for Wanda.
(eagerly).
FRITZI should think it would!
Recollecting himself.
FRITZWhat should I have to do?
PAULYes, what would he have to do?
PAULI'm concerned in this.
PUCKListen and I'll tell you my plan.
PUCKI propose that it shall appear that,
PUCKin your pursuit of General Boum,
PUCKyou have met with a masked adversary,
PUCKwho challenged you in single combat and defeated you.
PAULWhy masked?
PUCKTo conceal your identity,
PUCKand appeal to her Highness' romantic fancy.
To FRITZ.
PUCK- You shall present yourself before her wounded and disgraced.
FRITZHere - I shall want a bit more for that!
PUCKHow much? I don't want to quarrel over terms.
(aside).
PAULThat's very liberal of him.
FRITZWell, shall we say five hundred thalers
FRITZfor the "wounded" and twenty thalers for the "disgraced"?
PUCKVery well, that's settled. First of all you have your bogus duel -
FRITZThree thousand thalers!
(aside to PRINCE PAUL).
PUCKThree thousand thalers, please!
(aside to PUCK).
PAULHave I to pay that?
(aside to PRINCE PAUL).
PUCKWho else?
PRINCE PAUL fumbles in his pockets.
PUCKI'll hold the stakes.
PAULHere you are.
Gives it to PUCK.
(continuing, to FRITZ).
PUCKIn which duel you are wounded and disgraced -
FRITZThree thousand five hundred and twenty!
PUCK signs to PRINCE PAUL.
(fumbling in another pocket).
PAULOh dear! There!
Gives money to PUCK.
PUCKHer Highness will probably dismiss you from her presence
PUCKwith an imperious glance of concentrated scorn.
FRITZThat's worth another twenty!
FRITZThree thousand five hundred and forty -
FRITZto include the concentrated scorn.
(fumbling in a third pocket, and handing money to PUCK, aside).
PAULThis is the silliest game I ever played!
PUCKHer Highness will ask for the masked hero,
PUCKwho will turn out to be none other than his Highness Prince Paul!
PAULWhat a capital idea!
FRITZWell, when I come to think it over,
FRITZI shall want extra money if I'm to be beaten by that!
PUCKShall we say four thousand thalers inclusive?
FRITZH'm! Well, I suppose I must say, yes.
PUCKBut you must do thoroughly well for that.
FRITZOh! that'll be all right!
(to PRINCE PAUL).
PUCKAnd you must be waiting round the corner,
PUCKready to appear the moment I signal you.
(to FRITZ).
PAULBut you must promise not to hurt me!
FRITZOh! that's all right!
Exeunt PUCK, FRITZ, and PRINCE PAUL, R.2.E.
Enter MACROBRUNNER, HOCHHEIM, NIERSTEIN, Soldiers, Peasants, and Vivandieres from Cathedral L.C., weary of waiting for the wedding party.
DRINKING CHORUS.
FRITZTo remain in cushionless pews,
FRITZIn these purlieus,
FRITZWe must refuse;
FRITZNought can excuse
FRITZSuch an unus-
FRITZ-ual delay in giving the news!
FRITZBe the winning man who he may,
FRITZHere we will stay,
FRITZTry to be gay,
FRITZDrinking away,
FRITZTill it is day,
FRITZSinging a Bacchanalian lay!
NIERSTEINIt is very provoking, Fritz and Boum are lost, I think!
CHORUSWe are all of us choking,
CHORUSCome what may, we want a drink!
HOCHHEIMOf who'll conquer I'm not a predictor,
HOCHHEIMBut, never mind which it may be,
HOCHHEIMWe'll all of us drink to the victor,
HOCHHEIMSo you shall drain a glass with me!
The Vivandieres have got glasses from the drinking booths,
filled them and handed them round.
(with glass).
HOCHHEIMHere's his health!
ALLHere's his health!
ALLHere's a health to Fritz and his foe!
ALLLet the wine flow
ALLGolden in glow!
ALLDrink to the way the fight will go,
ALLDrink to the victor that time will show!
Enter the GRAND DUCHESS , attended by IZA.
DUCHESSI hope the duel's done?
(re-entering).
PUCKGeneral Boum is not there!
NIERSTEINHow vexing! Boum is not there!
HOCHHEIMWe're almost in despair,
HOCHHEIMGeneral Boum is not there!
CHORUSWe drink to drown our care,
CHORUSGeneral Boum is not there!
DUCHESSTo make the minutes pass,
DUCHESSI'll join you in a glass!
DUCHESSPUCK offers her a goblet.
SONG of the GLASS. - GRAND DUCHESS.
DUCHESSI had a good old ancestor,
DUCHESSA man, if I remember rightly,
DUCHESSWho everywhere was famous for
DUCHESSThe liquor he could toss off nightly!
DUCHESSHe had a mighty glass, they say,
DUCHESSAnd you could pour a hogshead in it;
DUCHESSHis servants filled it night and day,
DUCHESSAnd never let it stand a minute!
ALLNot he! Not he!
DUCHESSAh! good old man, how he could drink,
DUCHESSAnd drain his glass without a wink!
DUCHESSOh, what a glass! Oh, what a glass!
DUCHESSAnd how he filled it to the brink!
ALLOh, good old days, when men could drink,
ALLAnd drain their glass without a wink!
ALLAnd what a glass a man could drain,
ALLAnd fill again!
DUCHESSOne day, not long before he died
DUCHESS(Perhaps his hand was growing weaker),
DUCHESSHe dropped his glass, and sadly sighed,
DUCHESSà¾I've gone and broke my blessed beaker!"
DUCHESSThey made another like the first,
DUCHESSA remarkable green and gold glass;
DUCHESSBut he preferred to die of thirst,
DUCHESSBecause he could not have his old glass!
ALLHis own! His own!
DUCHESSAh, good old man, how he could drink,
DUCHESSAnd drain his glass without a wink!
DUCHESSOh, what a glass! Oh, what a glass!
DUCHESSAnd how he filled it to the brink!
ALLOh, good old days, when men could drink,
ALLAnd drain their glass without a wink!
ALLAnd what a glass a man could drain,
ALLAnd fill again!
Noise without.
PUCKWho's this? Why, it's Boum!
(feebly, without).
BOUMWhere is he? Let me get at him!
(Enter BOUM, dragged on by NEPOMUC.
BOUM is looking dishevelled and frightened.)
BOUMWhere is he? I will cut him in quarters!
DUCHESSSo, General, you have defeated your adversary?
BOUMHe wasn't there!
PUCKThis was the rendezvous.
BOUMPardon me; he said the Market.
BOUMAs the aggrieved party I have choice of markets;
SYSTEMI chose the other one. I adopted my usual tactics.
BOUMI approached it by three routes.
PUCKNone of which led to the meeting place.
BOUMNone of which led to the - no, no, I don't mean that!
BOUMThere wasn't a meeting place, because he wasn't there.
PUCKNo, he was here!
BOUMAh, well, that accounts for it.
BOUMAt all events, it was a glorious victory.
PUCKBloodless -
NEPOMUCBut glorious!
DUCHESSThat's not my idea of victory!
Derisive shouts without. Some of the soldiers
and peasants go off to see what it is.
(looking off).
HOCHHEIMIt's Wanda: what's the matter with her.
NIERSTEINAnd who is that wretched creature following her?
WANDA runs on and comes down C.
SCENA. - WANDA, FRITZ, and CHORUS.
WANDAOh, see my poor Fritz how he's battered
WANDAHis uniform all torn and tattered!
WANDAIt's because his warlike brags,
WANDAThey have gone and torn his clothes to rags!
CHORUSThey have gone and torn his clothes to rags!
FRITZ has entered during above.
He is surrounded by the peasants, etc.,
who are jeering at him.
He is in a pitiable state, dishevelled,
no epaulettes, his plume broken, the broadsword twisted up.
SONG. - FRITZ.
CHORUSYour Highness, I came at your call,
My fortune has met with a fall;
CHORUSIt's really too cruel,
CHORUSTo force such a duel,
CHORUSOn one who's not practised at all!
CHORUSThe broadsword your father once wore
CHORUSIs a corkscrew, and nothing more!
CHORUSNothing more!
(laughing at him).
DUCHESSNothing more!
FRITZBlow me pink! I've come to grief,
FRITZBy playing Commander-in-Chief!
(laughing at him).
ALLBlow him pink! He's come to grief,
ALLBy playing Commander-in-Chief!
FRITZI went to the Market to fight,
FRITZMy foeman has taken to flight,
FRITZA chap with a mask on,
Said he'd take the task on;
FRITZOf course I made answer, "All right!"
FRITZIt wasn't all right; but all wrong -
FRITZThough he was small, he was beastly strong,
FRITZBeastly strong!
(laughing at him).
DUCHESSBeastly strong!
FRITZBlow me pink! I've come to grief,
FRITZBy playing Commander-in-Chief!
(laughing at him).
ALLBlow him pink! He's come to grief,
ALLBy playing Commander-in-Chief!
PUCK gives some instructions
to NEPOMUC, who goes off.
(to FRITZ).
DUCHESSI am displeased with you!
FRITZWell, I'm not particularly gone on myself.
DUCHESSWho was your antagonist?
FRITZI can't tell you. He wore a mask; a little man, he was.
DUCHESSAnd my blessed father's sword! How did it get like that?
FRITZThat's all through resisting. If I hadn't resisted -
DUCHESSI beg your pardon, Colonel?
FRITZI beg yours. I fancied I was General.
DUCHESSDid I say Colonel? I meant Captain.
FRITZWhy not Lieutenant?
DUCHESSOr, Sergeant!
FRITZWe're getting on! We're getting on!
FRITZThere's only one more step to common soldier.
DUCHESSThat's the word I couldn't think of!
DUCHESSCommon soldier - of course! That's what you are!
(to FRITZ).
BOUMUgh! Common soldier!
(Aside.) -
BOUMAt last I shall be back again in the dear old War Office!
Enter GROG
(seeing GROG).
DUCHESSAh, Baron!
GROGYour Highness!
(taking the plume from FRITZ's hat).
DUCHESSAccept the plume of Commander-in-Chief.
She gives it to GROG.
DUCHESS- Take it!
(aside).
BOUMThunder and furies!
DUCHESSAccept my blessed father's sword - take it!
(aside).
BOUMRage and despair!
DUCHESSAccept, Baron, the Freedom of the City! Accept -
GROGI thank your Highness.
GROGThe Baroness Grog will bless you!
DUCHESSThe Baroness Grog!
(delighted).
PUCKOh, yes, your Highness. Didn't you know?
PUCKHe has a wife and four children!
GROGSix, General.
GROGI had a message from home this morning.
DUCHESSBut how -
GROGThank you. As well as can be expected.
GROGA boy and a girl. My wife's a marvel.
GROGI remember, last time -
DUCHESSA wife and six children! Baron!
GROGYour Highness?
DUCHESSGive back the plume! -
He gives it back.
DUCHESSNow the sword! -
He gives it to her.
DUCHESSGeneral Boum, the plume is yours again.
(BOUM approaches with empressement
and takes the plume from the GRAND DUCHESS.)
(aside, going back to his place).
BOUMThis time I'll have it nailed on!
(to PUCK).
DUCHESSBaron Puck -
(PUCK approaches) -
DUCHESStake this corkscrew.
She gives him the sword.
DUCHESSI institute you Lord High Keeper
DUCHESSof my blessed father's sword!
(aside, taking the sword).
PUCKNow for the masked hero!
(Goes up and beckons off Shouts heard without.
Some of the Soldiers and Peasants run off )
DUCHESSWhat is that?
Re-enter NEPOMUC, followed by Peasants, etc.,
walking backwards and cheering loudly.
Then enter PRINCE PAUL, in cloak and masked.
PUCKYour Highness, the hero of the day!
(much interested).
DUCHESSOh, the masked conqueror!
(pointing to PRINCE PAUL).
FRITZThat's him, right enough!
DUCHESSAh!
Looks with great interest at PRINCE PAUL, aside.
DUCHESS- Who can it be?
Aloud.
DUCHESS- Brave Sir Knight, what reward do you ask?
(in a deep melodramatic voice).
PAULMay I be bold in my request, your Highness?
DUCHESSAs bold as you have proved yourself on the field!
PAULThen I crave the right to protect your honour - always!
DUCHESSTo marry me? Really, this is so sudden!
DUCHESSBut - after all, you have proved yourself worthy;
DUCHESSand a girl's heart is really her best guide!
PUCKWouldn't you like to know who it is?
DUCHESSI never thought of that! Certainly, I shall be most happy.
(PRINCE PAUL throws off his mask and cloak.
He is in wedding clothes.)
(in his ordinary voice).
PAULIt's only me!
DUCHESSPrince Paul!
PAULDear lady!
DUCHESSThis is too ridiculous! Very well!
Gives her hand to PRINCE PAUL.
(preparing to lead the GRAND DUCHESS to the Cathedral).
PAULThis is quite too sweet of you!
The DUCHESS pinches his arm.
PAUL- Aie! aie!
(glancing at FRITZ and GROG,
and shrugging her shoulders).
DUCHESSWhen you can't get what you like,
DUCHESSyou must like what you get!
FINALE OF ACT III.
(aside).
BOUMAt last I recover my plume!
(aside).
PUCKAt last I recover my place!
(to GRAND DUCHESS).
PAULAt last to your hand I presume!
GROGAt last I'll see my latest Groglet's face!
(to WANDA).
FRITZNow, my dear, our wedding day we'll make it!
(to FRITZ).
WANDAThen, at home, our cottage we'll share!
(aside, looking at PRINCE PAUL).
DUCHESSFor, what fate gives, we've got to take it,
DUCHESSAnd, who knows? happiness perhaps is there!
(to the air of "The Song of the Glass").
FRITZLet other men to battle go,
FRITZI much prefer a humbler station;
FRITZWe'll train our sons to face the foe,
FRITZAnd so we'll serve the nation!
ALLHe'll train his sons to face the foe,
ALLAnd so he'll serve the nation!
DUCHESSI've played my part - with some mistakes,
DUCHESSBut they've ended in a wedding day!
DUCHESSIt's unexpected, but it makes
DUCHESSThe proper ending to the play!
ALLIt's unexpected, but it makes
ALLThe proper ending to the play!
DUCHESSMy ancestor, how glad he'd be,
DUCHESSIf he could only look at me!
ALLHer ancestor, if he could see,
ALLHow very, very glad he'd be!
ALLHow glad he'd be!
ALLGladly we'll celebrate this happy wedding day,
ALLWe'll make the merry cannons roar, we'll wave the banners gay!
ALLHail we the bridegroom who at last has won his bride!
ALLAnd loudly hail our country's Queen, our glory and our pride!
ALLThe end