The Mikado

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The Mikado Libretto

SYSTEMOR

SYSTEMTHE TOWN OF TITIPU

MIKADOBy William S. Gilbert

MIKADOMusic by Sir Arthur Sullivan

MIKADONANKI-POO (his Son, disguised as a wandering minstrel, and in

MIKADOlove with Yum-Yum).

MIKADOKO-KO (Lord High Executioner of Titipu).

MIKADOPOOH-BAH (Lord High Everything Else).

MIKADOPISH-TISH (a Noble Lord).

MIKADOThree Sisters—Wards of Ko-Ko:

PEEP-BOKATISHA (an elderly Lady, in love with Nanki-Poo).

PEEP-BOChorus of School-girls, Nobles, Guards, and Coolies.

SYSTEMACT I.

PEEP-BO—Courtyard of Ko-Ko's Official Residence.

SYSTEMACT II.

PEEP-BO— Ko-Ko's Garden

PEEP-BOFirst produced at the Savoy Theatre on March 14, 1885.

SYSTEMACT I.

SYSTEMSCENE.

PEEP-BO—Courtyard of Ko-Ko's Palace in Titipu.

PEEP-BOJapanese nobles

PEEP-BOdiscovered standing and sitting in attitudes suggested by

PEEP-BOnative drawings.

CHORUS OF NOBLESIf you want to know who we are,

CHORUS OF NOBLESWe are gentlemen of Japan:

CHORUS OF NOBLESOn many a vase and jar—

CHORUS OF NOBLESOn many a screen and fan,

CHORUS OF NOBLESWe figure in lively paint:

CHORUS OF NOBLESOur attitude's queer and quaint—

CHORUS OF NOBLESYou're wrong if you think it ain't, oh!

CHORUS OF NOBLESIf you think we are worked by strings,

CHORUS OF NOBLESLike a Japanese marionette,

CHORUS OF NOBLESYou don't understand these things:

CHORUS OF NOBLESIt is simply Court etiquette.

CHORUS OF NOBLESPerhaps you suppose this throng

CHORUS OF NOBLESCan't keep it up all day long?

CHORUS OF NOBLESIf that's your idea, you're wrong, oh!

Enter Nanki-Poo in great excitement.

CHORUS OF NOBLESHe carries a native guitar

CHORUS OF NOBLESon his back and a bundle of ballads in his hand.

NANKI-POOGentlemen, I pray you tell me

NANKI-POOWhere a gentle maiden dwelleth,

NANKI-POONamed Yum-Yum, the ward of Ko-Ko?

NANKI-POOIn pity speak, oh speak I pray you!

A NOBLEWhy, who are you who ask this question?

NANKI-POOCome gather round me, and I'll tell you.

NANKI-POOSONG and CHORUS—NANKI-POO.

NANKI-POOA wandering minstrel I—

NANKI-POOA thing of shreds and patches,

NANKI-POOOf ballads, songs and snatches,

NANKI-POOAnd dreamy lullaby!

NANKI-POOMy catalogue is long,

NANKI-POOThrough every passion ranging,

NANKI-POOAnd to your humours changing

NANKI-POOI tune my supple song!

NANKI-POOAre you in sentimental mood?

I'll sigh with you,

NANKI-POOOh, sorrow, sorrow!

NANKI-POOOn maiden's coldness do you brood?

NANKI-POOI'll do so, too—

NANKI-POOOh, sorrow, sorrow!

NANKI-POOI'll charm your willing ears

NANKI-POOWith songs of lovers' fears,

NANKI-POOWhile sympathetic tears

NANKI-POOMy cheeks bedew—

NANKI-POOOh, sorrow, sorrow!

NANKI-POOBut if patriotic sentiment is wanted,

NANKI-POOI've patriotic ballads cut and dried;

NANKI-POOFor where'er our country's banner may be planted,

NANKI-POOAll other local banners are defied!

NANKI-POOOur warriors, in serried ranks assembled,

NANKI-POONever quail—or they conceal it if they do—

NANKI-POOAnd I shouldn't be surprised if nations trembled

NANKI-POOBefore the mighty troops of Titipu!

CHORUSWe shouldn't be surprised, etc.

NANKI-POOAnd if you call for a song of the sea,

NANKI-POOWe'll heave the capstan round,

NANKI-POOWith a yeo heave ho, for the wind is free,

NANKI-POOHer anchor's a-trip and her helm's a-lee,

NANKI-POOHurrah for the homeward bound!

CHORUSYeo-ho—heave ho—

CHORUSHurrah for the homeward bound!

CHORUSTo lay aloft in a howling breeze

CHORUSMay tickle a landsman's taste,

CHORUSBut the happiest hour a sailor sees

CHORUSIs when he's down

CHORUSAt an inland town,

CHORUSWith his Nancy on his knees, yeo ho!

CHORUSAnd his arm around her waist!

CHORUSThen man the capstan—off we go,

CHORUSAs the fiddler swings us round,

CHORUSWith a yeo heave ho,

CHORUSAnd a rum below,

CHORUSHurrah for the homeward bound!

CHORUSA wandering minstrel I, etc.

Enter Pish-Tush.

PISH-TUSHAnd what may be your business with Yum-Yum?

NANKI-POOI'll tell you.

NANKI-POOA year ago I was a member of the

NANKI-POOTitipu town band.

It was my duty to take the cap round for

NANKI-POOcontributions.

NANKI-POOWhile discharging this delicate office, I saw

YUM-YUMWe loved each other at once, but she was betrothed to

YUM-YUMher guardian Ko-Ko, a cheap tailor, and I saw that my suit was

YUM-YUMhopeless.

YUM-YUMOverwhelmed with despair, I quitted the town.

YUM-YUMJudge

YUM-YUMof my delight when I heard, a month ago, that Ko-Ko had been con-

YUM-YUMdemned to death for flirting!  I hurried back at once, in the

YUM-YUMhope of finding Yum-Yum at liberty to listen to my protestations.

PISH-TUSHIt is true that Ko-Ko was condemned to death for

PISH-TUSHflirting, but he was reprieved at the last moment, and raised to

PISH-TUSHthe exalted rank of Lord High Executioner under the following

PISH-TUSHremarkable circumstances:

PISH-TUSHSONG—PISH-TUSH and CHORUS.

PISH-TUSHOur great Mikado, virtuous man,

PISH-TUSHWhen he to rule our land began,

PISH-TUSHResolved to try

PISH-TUSHA plan whereby

PISH-TUSHYoung men might best be steadied.

PISH-TUSHSo he decreed, in words succinct,

PISH-TUSHThat all who flirted, leered or winked

PISH-TUSH(Unless connubially linked),

PISH-TUSHShould forthwith be beheaded.

PISH-TUSHAnd I expect you'll all agree

PISH-TUSHThat he was right to so decree.

PISH-TUSHAnd I am right,

PISH-TUSHAnd you are right,

PISH-TUSHAnd all is right as right can be!

CHORUSAnd you are right.

CHORUSAnd we are right, etc

CHORUSThis stem decree, you'll understand,

CHORUSCaused great dismay throughout the land!

CHORUSFor young and old

CHORUSAnd shy and bold

CHORUSWere equally affected.

CHORUSThe youth who winked a roving eye,

Or breathed a non-connubial sigh,

CHORUSWas thereupon condemned to die—

CHORUSHe usually objected.

CHORUSAnd you'll allow, as I expect,

CHORUSThat he was right to so object.

CHORUSAnd I am right,

CHORUSAnd you are right,

CHORUSAnd everything is quite correct!

CHORUSAnd you are right,

CHORUSAnd we are right, etc.

CHORUSAnd so we straight let out on bail

CHORUSA convict from the county jail,

CHORUSWhose head was next

CHORUSOn some pretext

CHORUSCondemned to be mown off,

CHORUSAnd made him Headsman, for we said,

CHORUS"Who's next to be decapited

CHORUSCannot cut off another's head

CHORUSUntil he's cut his own off.

CHORUS"

CHORUSAnd we are right, I think you'll say,

CHORUSTo argue in this kind of way;

CHORUSAnd I am right,

CHORUSAnd you are right,

CHORUSAnd all is right—too-looral-lay!

CHORUSAnd you are right,

CHORUSAnd we are right, etc.

[Exeunt

CHORUSChorus.

Enter Pooh-Bah.

NANKI-POOKo-Ko, the cheap tailor, Lord High Executioner of

NANKI-POOTitipu! Why, that's the highest rank a citizen can attain!

POOH-BAHIt is.

POOH-BAHOur logical Mikado, seeing no moral

POOH-BAHdifference between the dignified judge who condemns a criminal to

POOH-BAHdie, and the industrious mechanic who carries out the sentence,

POOH-BAHhas rolled the two offices into one, and every judge is now his

POOH-BAHown executioner.

NANKI-POOBut how good of you (for I see that you are a

NANKI-POOnobleman of the highest rank) to condescend to tell all this to

NANKI-POOme, a mere strolling minstrel!

POOH-BAHDon't mention it.

SYSTEMI am, in point of fact, a

POOH-BAHparticularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite

POOH-BAHancestral descent.

POOH-BAHYou will understand this when I tell you that

POOH-BAHI can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic

POOH-BAHglobule.

POOH-BAHConsequently, my family pride is something

POOH-BAHinconceivable.

POOH-BAHI can't help it.

POOH-BAHI was born sneering.

POOH-BAHBut I

POOH-BAHstruggle hard to overcome this defect.

POOH-BAHI mortify my pride

POOH-BAHcontinually.

POOH-BAHWhen all the great officers of State resigned in a

POOH-BAHbody because they were too proud to serve under an ex-tailor, did

POOH-BAHI not unhesitatingly accept all their posts at once?

PISH-TUSHAnd the salaries attached to them?  You did.

POOH-BAHIt is consequently my degrading duty to serve this

POOH-BAHupstart as First Lord of the Treasury, Lord Chief Justice,

POOH-BAHCommander-in-Chief, Lord High Admiral, Master of the Buckhounds,

POOH-BAHGroom of the Back Stairs, Archbishop of Titipu, and Lord Mayor,

POOH-BAHboth acting and elect, all rolled into one.

POOH-BAHAnd at a salary!  A

POOH-BAHPooh-Bah paid for his services!  I a salaried minion!  But I do

POOH-BAHit!  It revolts me, but I do it!

NANKI-POOAnd it does you credit.

POOH-BAHBut I don't stop at that.

POOH-BAHI go and dine with

POOH-BAHmiddle-class people on reasonable terms.

POOH-BAHI dance at cheap

POOH-BAHsuburban parties for a moderate fee.

POOH-BAHI accept refreshment at any

POOH-BAHhands, however lowly.

POOH-BAHI also retail State secrets at a very low

POOH-BAHfigure.

POOH-BAHFor instance, any further information about Yum-Yum

POOH-BAHwould come under the head of a State secret.

(Nanki-Poo takes his

hint, and gives him money)  (Aside)  Another insult and, I

POOH-BAHthink, a light one!

POOH-BAHSONG—POOH-BAH with NANKI-POO and PISH-TUSH.

POOH-BAHYoung man, despair,

POOH-BAHLikewise go to,

POOH-BAHYum-Yum the fair

POOH-BAHYou must not woo.

POOH-BAHIt will not do:

POOH-BAHI'm sorry for you,

POOH-BAHYou very imperfect ablutioner!

POOH-BAHThis very day

POOH-BAHFrom school Yum-Yum

POOH-BAHWill wend her way,

POOH-BAHAnd homeward come,

POOH-BAHWith beat of drum

POOH-BAHAnd a rum-tum-tum,

POOH-BAHTo wed the Lord High executioner!

POOH-BAHAnd the brass will crash,

POOH-BAHAnd the trumpets bray,

POOH-BAHAnd they'll cut a dash

POOH-BAHOn their wedding day.

POOH-BAHShe'll toddle away, as all aver,

POOH-BAHWith the Lord High Executioner '

NANKI-POOand POOH.

NANKI-POOAnd the brass will crash, etc.

NANKI-POOIt's a hopeless case,

NANKI-POOAs you may see,

NANKI-POOAnd in your place

NANKI-POOAway I'd flee;

NANKI-POOBut don't blame me—

NANKI-POOI'm sorry to be

NANKI-POOOf your pleasure a diminutioner.

NANKI-POOThey'll vow their pact

NANKI-POOExtremely soon,

In point of fact

NANKI-POOThis afternoon.

NANKI-POOHer honeymoon

NANKI-POOWith that buffoon

NANKI-POOAt seven commences, so you shun her!

ALLAnd the brass will crash, etc.

[Exit

RECIT—NANKI-POO and POOH-BAH.

NANKI-POOAnd I have journeyed for a month, or nearly,

NANKI-POOTo learn that Yum-Yum, whom I love so dearly,

NANKI-POOThis day to Ko-Ko is to be united!

POOH-BAHThe fact appears to be as you've recited:

POOH-BAHBut here he comes, equipped as suits his station;

POOH-BAHHe'll give you any further information.

[Exeunt Pooh-Bah and

Enter Chorus of Nobles.

NANKI-POOBehold the Lord High Executioner

NANKI-POOA personage of noble rank and title—

NANKI-POOA dignified and potent officer,

NANKI-POOWhose functions are particularly vital!

NANKI-POODefer, defer,

NANKI-POOTo the Lord High Executioner!

Enter Ko-Ko attended.

KO-KOTaken from the county jail

KO-KOBy a set of curious chances;

KO-KOLiberated then on bail,

KO-KOOn my own recognizances;

KO-KOWafted by a favouring gale

KO-KOAs one sometimes is in trances,

KO-KOTo a height that few can scale,

KO-KOSave by long and weary dances;

KO-KOSurely, never had a male

KO-KOUnder such like circumstances

KO-KOSo adventurous a tale,

KO-KOWhich may rank with most romances.

CHORUSDefer, defer,

CHORUSTo the Lord High Executioner, etc.

KOGentlemen, I'm much touched by this reception.

KOI can

KOonly trust that by strict attention to duty I shall ensure a

KOcontinuance of those favours which it will ever be my study to

KOdeserve.

KOIf I should ever be called upon to act professionally,

KOI am happy to think that there will be no difficulty in finding

KOplenty of people whose loss will be a distinct gain to society at

KOlarge.

KOSONG—KO-KO with CHORUS OF MEN.

KOAs some day it may happen that a victim must be found,

KOI've got a little list—I've got a little list

KOOf society offenders who might well be underground,

KOAnd who never would be missed—who never would be missed!

KOThere's the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs—

All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs—

KOAll children who are up in dates, and floor you with 'em flat—

KOAll persons who in shaking hands, shake hands with you like

KOthat—

KOAnd all third persons who on spoiling tte—ttes insist—

KOThey'd none of 'em be missed—they'd none of 'em be missed!

CHORUSHe's got 'em on the list—he's got 'em on the list;

CHORUSAnd they'll none of 'em be missed—they'll none of

CHORUS'em be missed.

CHORUSThere's the banjo serenader, and the others of his race,

CHORUSAnd the piano-organist—I've got him on the list!

CHORUSAnd the people who eat peppermint and puff it in your face,

CHORUSThey never would be missed—they never would be missed!

CHORUSThen the idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone,

CHORUSAll centuries but this, and every country but his own;

CHORUSAnd the lady from the provinces, who dresses like a guy,

CHORUSAnd who "doesn't think she waltzes, but would rather like to

CHORUStry";

CHORUSAnd that singular anomaly, the lady novelist—

CHORUSI don't think she'd be missed—I'm sure she'd not he missed!

CHORUSHe's got her on the list—he's got her on the list;

CHORUSAnd I don't think she'll be missed—I'm sure

CHORUSshe'll not be missed!

CHORUSAnd that Nisi Prius nuisance, who just now is rather rife,

CHORUSThe Judicial humorist—I've got him on the list!

CHORUSAll funny fellows, comic men, and clowns of private life—

CHORUSThey'd none of 'em be missed—they'd none of 'em be missed.

CHORUSAnd apologetic statesmen of a compromising kind,

CHORUSSuch as—What d'ye call him—Thing'em-bob, and

CHORUSlikewise—Never-mind,

CHORUSAnd 'St—'st—'st—and What's-his-name, and also You-know-who—

The task of filling up the blanks I'd rather leave to you.

CHORUSBut it really doesn't matter whom you put upon the list,

CHORUSFor they'd none of 'em be missed—they'd none of 'em be

CHORUSmissed!

CHORUSYou may put 'em on the list—you may put 'em on the

CHORUSlist;

CHORUSAnd they'll none of 'em be missed—they'll none of

CHORUS'em be missed!

Enter Pooh-Bah.

KOPooh-Bah, it seems that the festivities in connection

KOwith my approaching marriage must last a week.

KOI should like to

KOdo it handsomely, and I want to consult you as to the amount I

KOought to spend upon them.

POOH-BAHCertainly.

POOH-BAHIn which of my capacities?  As First Lord

POOH-BAHof the Treasury, Lord Chamberlain, Attorney General, Chancellor

POOH-BAHof the Exchequer, Privy Purse, or Private Secretary?

KOSuppose we say as Private Secretary.

POOH-BAHSpeaking as your Private Secretary, I should say

POOH-BAHthat, as the city will have to pay for it, don't stint yourself,

POOH-BAHdo it well.

KOExactly—as the city will have to pay for it.

KOThat is

KOyour advice.

POOH-BAHAs Private Secretary.

POOH-BAHOf course you will understand

POOH-BAHthat, as Chancellor of the Exchequer, I am bound to see that due

POOH-BAHeconomy is observed.

KOOh!  But you said just now "Don't stint yourself, do it

KOwell".

POOH-BAHAs Private Secretary.

KOAnd now you say that due economy must be observed.

POOH-BAHAs Chancellor of the Exchequer.

KOI see.

KOCome over here, where the Chancellor can't hear

KOus.

KO(They cross the stage)  Now, as my Solicitor, how do you

KOadvise me to deal with this difficulty?

POOH-BAHOh, as your Solicitor, I should have no hesitation in

POOH-BAHsaying "Chance it——"

KOThank you.

KO(Shaking his hand)  I will.

POOH-BAHIf it were not that, as Lord Chief Justice, I am

POOH-BAHbound to see that the law isn't violated.

KOI see.

KOCome over here where the Chief Justice can't

KOhear us.

KO(They cross the stage)  Now, then, as First Lord of

KOthe Treasury?

POOH-BAHOf course, as First Lord of the Treasury, I could

POOH-BAHpropose a special vote that would cover all expenses, if it were

POOH-BAHnot that, as Leader of the Opposition, it would be my duty to

POOH-BAHresist it, tooth and nail.

POOH-BAHOr, as Paymaster General, I could so

POOH-BAHcook the accounts that, as Lord High Auditor, I should never

POOH-BAHdiscover the fraud.

POOH-BAHBut then, as Archbishop of Titipu, it would

POOH-BAHbe my duty to denounce my dishonesty and give myself into my own

POOH-BAHcustody as first Commissioner of Police.

KOThat's extremely awkward.

POOH-BAHI don't say that all these distinguished people

POOH-BAHcouldn't be squared; but it is right to tell you that they

POOH-BAHwouldn't be sufficiently degraded in their own estimation unless

POOH-BAHthey were insulted with a very considerable bribe.

KOThe matter shall have my careful consideration.

KOBut my

KObride and her sisters approach, and any little compliment on your

KOpart, such as an abject grovel in a characteristic Japanese

KOattitude, would be esteemed a favour.

POOH-BAHNo money, no grovel!

[Exeunt

POOH-BAHtogether.

Enter procession of Yum-Yum's schoolfellows, heralding Yum-Yum,

POOH-BAHPeep-Bo, and Pitti-Sing.

CHORUS OF GIRLSComes a train of little ladies

CHORUS OF GIRLSFrom scholastic trammels free,

CHORUS OF GIRLSEach a little bit afraid is,

CHORUS OF GIRLSWondering what the world can be!

CHORUS OF GIRLSIs it but a world of trouble—

CHORUS OF GIRLSSadness set to song?

CHORUS OF GIRLSIs its beauty but a bubble

CHORUS OF GIRLSBound to break ere long?

CHORUS OF GIRLSAre its palaces and pleasures

CHORUS OF GIRLSFantasies that fade?

CHORUS OF GIRLSAnd the glory of its treasures

CHORUS OF GIRLSShadow of a shade?

CHORUS OF GIRLSSchoolgirls we, eighteen and under,

CHORUS OF GIRLSFrom scholastic trammels free,

CHORUS OF GIRLSAnd we wonder—how we wonder!—

CHORUS OF GIRLSWhat on earth the world can be!

TRIOYUM-YUM, PEEP-BO, and PITTI-SING, with CHORUS OF GIRLS.

THE THREEThree little maids from school are we,

THE THREEPert as a school-girl well can be,

THE THREEFilled to the brim with girlish glee,

THE THREEThree little maids from school!

YUM-YUMEverything is a source of fun.

Chuckle

PEEP-BONobody's safe, for we care for none!  (Chuckle)

PITTI-SINGLife is a joke that's just begun! (Chuckle)

THE THREEThree little maids from school!

THE THREEALL (dancing).

THE THREEThree little maids who, all unwary,

THE THREECome from a ladies' seminary,

THE THREEFreed from its genius tutelary—

THE THREETHE THREE (suddenly demure).

THE THREEThree little maids from school!

YUM-YUMOne little maid is a bride, Yum-Yum—

PEEP-BOTwo little maids in attendance come—

PITTI-SINGThree little maids is the total sum.

THE THREEThree little maids from school!

YUM-YUMFrom three little maids take one away.

PEEP-BOTwo little maids remain, and they—

PITTI-SINGWon't have to wait very long, they say—

THE THREEThree little maids from school!

THE THREEALL (dancing).

THE THREEThree little maids who, all unwary,

THE THREECome from a ladies' seminary,

THE THREEFreed from its genius tutelary—

THE THREETHE THREE (suddenly demure).

THE THREEThree little maids from school!

Enter Ko-Ko and Pooh-Bah.

KOAt last, my bride that is to be!  (About to embrace

KOher)

YUM-YUMYou're not going to kiss me before all these people?

KOWell, that was the idea.

YUM (aside to Peep-Bo).

KOIt seems odd, doesn't it?

PEEP-BOIt's rather peculiar.

PITTI-SINGOh, I expect it's all right.

PITTI-SINGMust have a beginning,

PITTI-SINGyou know.

YUM-YUMWell, of course I know nothing about these things; but

YUM-YUMI've no objection if it's usual.

KOOh, it's quite usual, I think.

KOEh, Lord Chamberlain?

Appealing to Pooh-Bah

POOH-BAHI have known it done.

Ko-Ko embraces her

YUM-YUMThank goodness that's over!  (Sees Nanki-Poo, and

YUM-YUMrushes to him)  Why, that's never you?  (The three Girls rush to

YUM-YUMhim and shake his hands, all speaking at once)

YUM-YUMOh, I'm so glad! I haven't seen you for ever so long,

YUM-YUMand I'm right at the top of the school, and I've got three

YUM-YUMprizes, and I've come home for good, and I'm not going back any

YUM-YUMmore!

PEEP-BOAnd have you got an engagement?—Yum-Yum's got one,

PEEP-BObut she doesn't like it, and she'd ever so much rather it was

PEEP-BOyou!  I've come home for good, and I'm not going back any more!

PITTI-SINGNow tell us all the news, because you go about

PITTI-SINGeverywhere, and we've been at school, but, thank goodness, that's

PITTI-SINGall over now, and we've come home for good, and we're not going

PITTI-SINGback any more!

These three speeches are spoken together in one breath

KOI beg your pardon.

KOWill you present me?

YUM-YUMOh, this is the musician who used—

PEEP-BOOh, this is the gentleman-who used—

PITTI-SINGOh, it is only Nanki-Poo who used—

KOOne at a time, if you please.

YUM-YUMOh, if you please he's the gentleman who used to play

YUM-YUMso beautifully on the—on the—

PITTI-SINGOn the Marine Parade.

YUM-YUMYes, I think that was the name of the instrument.

NANKI-POOSir, I have the misfortune to love your ward,

NANKI-POOYum-Yum—oh, I know I deserve your anger!

KOAnger! not a bit, my boy.

KOWhy, I love her myself.

KOCharming little girl, isn't she?  Pretty eyes, nice hair.

KOTaking

KOlittle thing, altogether.

KOVery glad to hear my opinion backed by

KOa competent authority.

KOThank you very much.

KOGood-bye.

KO(To

KOPish-Tush)  Take him away.

Pish-Tush removes him

KOPITTI (who has been examining Pooh-Bah).

KOI beg your pardon,

KObut what is this?  Customer come to try on?

KOThat is a Tremendous Swell.

PITTI-SINGOh, it's alive.

She starts back in alarm

POOH-BAHGo away, little girls.

POOH-BAHCan't talk to little girls

POOH-BAHlike you.

POOH-BAHGo away, there's dears.

KOAllow me to present you, Pooh-Bah.

KOThese are my three

KOwards.

KOThe one in the middle is my bride elect.

POOH-BAHWhat do you want me to do to them?  Mind, I will not

POOH-BAHkiss them.

KONo, no, you shan't kiss them; a little bow—a mere

KOnothing—you needn't mean it, you know.

POOH-BAHIt goes against the grain.

POOH-BAHThey are not young

POOH-BAHladies, they are young persons.

KOCome, come, make an effort, there's a good nobleman.

(aside to Ko-Ko).

POOH-BAHWell, I shan't mean it.

POOH-BAH(with a

POOH-BAHgreat effort)  How de do, little girls, how de do?  (Aside)

POOH-BAHOh, my protoplasmal ancestor!

KOThat's very good.

KO(Girls indulge in suppressed

KOlaughter)

I see nothing to laugh at.

POOH-BAHIt is very painful to me

POOH-BAHto have to say "How de do, little girls, how de do?" to young

POOH-BAHpersons.

POOH-BAHI'm not in the habit of saying "How de do, little

POOH-BAHgirls, how de do?" to anybody under the rank of a Stockbroker.

(aside to girls).

Don't laugh at him, he can't help

KOit—he's under treatment for it.

(Aside to Pooh-Bah)  Never mind

KOthem, they don't understand the delicacy of your position.

POOH-BAHWe know how delicate it is, don't we?

KOI should think we did!  How a nobleman of your

KOimportance can do it at all is a thing I never can, never shall

KOunderstand.

KO[Ko-Ko retires and

KOgoes off.

CHORUSYUM-YUM, PEEP-BO, PITTI-SING, and POOH-BAH.

YUM, PEEPSo please you, Sir, we much regret

YUM, PEEPand PITTI.

YUM, PEEPIf we have failed in etiquette

YUM, PEEPTowards a man of rank so high—

YUM, PEEPWe shall know better by and by.

YUM-YUMBut youth, of course, must have its fling,

YUM-YUMSo pardon us,

PITTI-SINGAnd don't, in girlhood's happy spring,

PITTI-SINGBe hard on us,

PITTI-SINGIf we're inclined to dance and sing.

PITTI-SINGTra la la, etc.

Dancing

CHORUS OF GIRLSBut youth, of course, etc.

POOH-BAHI think you ought to recollect

POOH-BAHYou cannot show too much respect

POOH-BAHTowards the highly titled few;

POOH-BAHBut nobody does, and why should you?

POOH-BAHThat youth at us should have its fling,

POOH-BAHIs hard on us,

POOH-BAHIs hard on us;

POOH-BAHTo our prerogative we cling—

POOH-BAHSo pardon us,

POOH-BAHIf we decline to dance and sing.

POOH-BAHTra la la, etc.

Dancing

CHORUS OF GIRLSBut youth, of course, must have its fling, etc.

[Exeunt all but

Enter Nanki-Poo.

NANKI-POOYum-Yum, at last we are alone!  I have sought you

NANKI-POOnight and day for three weeks, in the belief that your guardian

NANKI-POOwas beheaded, and I find that you are about to be married to him

NANKI-POOthis afternoon!

YUM-YUMAlas, yes!

NANKI-POOBut you do not love him?

YUM-YUMAlas, no!

NANKI-POOModified rapture!  But why do you not refuse him?

YUM-YUMWhat good would that do?  He's my guardian, and he

YUM-YUMwouldn't let me marry you!

NANKI-POOBut I would wait until you were of age!

YUM-YUMYou forget that in Japan girls do not arrive at years

YUM-YUMof discretion until they are fifty.

NANKI-POOTrue; from seventeen to forty-nine are considered

NANKI-POOyears of indiscretion.

YUM-YUMBesides—a wandering minstrel, who plays a wind

YUM-YUMinstrument outside tea-houses, is hardly a fitting husband for

YUM-YUMthe ward of a Lord High Executioner.

NANKI-POOBut—— (Aside)  Shall I tell her?  Yes!  She will

NANKI-POOnot betray me!  (Aloud)  What if it should prove that, after

NANKI-POOall, I am no musician?

YUM-YUMThere!  I was certain of it, directly I heard you

YUM-YUMplay!

NANKI-POOWhat if it should prove that I am no other than the

NANKI-POOson of his Majesty the Mikado?

YUM-YUMThe son of the Mikado!  But why is your Highness

YUM-YUMdisguised?  And what has your Highness done?  And will your

YUM-YUMHighness promise never to do it again?

NANKI-POOSome years ago I had the misfortune to captivate

NANKI-POOKatisha, an elderly lady of my father's Court.

NANKI-POOShe misconstrued

NANKI-POOmy customary affability into expressions of affection, and

NANKI-POOclaimed me in marriage, under my father's law.

NANKI-POOMy father, the

NANKI-POOLucius Junius Brutus of his race, ordered me to marry her within

NANKI-POOa week, or perish ignominiously on the scaffold.

NANKI-POOThat night I

NANKI-POOfled his Court, and, assuming the disguise of a Second Trombone,

NANKI-POOI joined the band in which you found me when I had the happiness

NANKI-POOof seeing you!  (Approaching her)

YUM-YUM(retreating).

YUM-YUMIf you please, I think your Highness

YUM-YUMhad better not come too near.

YUM-YUMThe laws against flirting are

YUM-YUMexcessively severe.

NANKI-POOBut we are quite alone, and nobody can see us.

YUM-YUMStill, that don't make it right.

YUM-YUMTo flirt is capital.

NANKI-POOIt is capital!

YUM-YUMAnd we must obey the law.

NANKI-POODeuce take the law!

YUM-YUMI wish it would, but it won't!

NANKI-POOIf it were not for that, how happy we might be!

YUM-YUMHappy indeed!

NANKI-POOIf it were not for the law, we should now be sitting

NANKI-POOside by side, like that.

Sits by her

YUM-YUMInstead of being obliged to sit half a mile off, like

YUM-YUMthat.

Crosses and sits at other side of stage

NANKI-POOWe should be gazing into each other's eyes, like

NANKI-POOthat.

Gazing at her sentimentally

Breathing sighs of unutterable love—like that.

Sighing and gazing lovingly at him

NANKI-POOWith our arms round each other's waists, like that.

Embracing her

YUM-YUMYes, if it wasn't for the law.

NANKI-POOIf it wasn't for the law.

YUM-YUMAs it is, of course we couldn't do anything of the

YUM-YUMkind.

NANKI-POONot for worlds!

YUM-YUMBeing engaged to Ko-Ko, you know!

NANKI-POOBeing engaged to Ko-Ko!

NANKI-POODUET—YUM-YUM and NANKI-POO.

NANKI-POOWere you not to Ko-Ko plighted,

NANKI-POOI would say in tender tone,

NANKI-POO"Loved one, let us be united—

NANKI-POOLet us be each other's own!"

NANKI-POOI would merge all rank and station,

NANKI-POOWorldly sneers are nought to us,

NANKI-POOAnd, to mark my admiration,

I would kiss you fondly thus— (Kisses her)

BOTHI/He would kiss you/me fondly thus— (Kiss)

YUM-YUMBut as I'm engaged to Ko-Ko,

To embrace you thus, con fuoco,

YUM-YUMWould distinctly be no giuoco,

YUM-YUMAnd for yam I should get toko—

BOTHToko, toko, toko, toko!

NANKI-POOSo, In spite of all temptation,

NANKI-POOSuch a theme I'll not discuss,

NANKI-POOAnd on no consideration

Will I kiss you fondly thus— (Kissing her)

NANKI-POOLet me make it clear to you,

NANKI-POOThis is what I'll never do!

This, oh, this, oh, this, oh, this,—(Kissing

NANKI-POOher)

TOGETHERThis, oh, this, etc.

[Exeunt in opposite

TOGETHERdirections.

Enter Ko-Ko.

KO(looking after Yum-Yum).

KOThere she goes!  To think how

KOentirely my future happiness is wrapped up in that little parcel!

KOReally, it hardly seems worth while!  Oh, matrimony!— (Enter

KOPooh-Bah and Pish-Tush)  Now then, what is it?  Can't you see I'm

KOsoliloquizing?  You have interrupted an apostrophe, sir!

PISH-TUSHI am the bearer of a letter from his Majesty the

KO(taking it from him reverentially).

KOA letter from the

KOMikado!  What in the world can he have to say to me?  (Reads

KOletter)  Ah, here it is at last!  I thought it would come sooner

KOor later!  The Mikado is struck by the fact that no executions

KOhave taken place in Titipu for a year, and decrees that unless

KOsomebody is beheaded within one month the post of Lord High

KOExecutioner shall be abolished, and the city reduced to the rank

KOof a village!

PISH-TUSHBut that will involve us all in irretrievable ruin!

KOYes.

KOThere is no help for it, I shall have to execute

KOsomebody at once.

KOThe only question is, who shall it be?

POOH-BAHWell, it seems unkind to say so, but as you're

POOH-BAHalready under sentence of death for flirting, everything seems to

point to you.

KOTo me?  What are you talking about?  I can't execute

KOmyself.

POOH-BAHWhy not?

KOWhy not?   Because, in the first place, self

KOdecapitation is an extremely difficult, not to say dangerous,

KOthing to attempt; and, in the second, it's suicide, and suicide

KOis a capital offence.

POOH-BAHThat is so, no doubt.

We might reserve that point.

POOH-BAHTrue, it could be argued six months hence, before the

POOH-BAHfull Court.

KOBesides, I don't see how a man can cut off his own

KOhead.

POOH-BAHA man might try.

PISH-TUSHEven if you only succeeded in cutting it half off,

PISH-TUSHthat would be something.

POOH-BAHIt would be taken as an earnest of your desire to

POOH-BAHcomply with the Imperial will.

KONo.

KOPardon me, but there I am adamant.

KOAs official

KOHeadsman, my reputation is at stake, and I can't consent to

KOembark on a professional operation unless I see my way to a

KOsuccessful result.

POOH-BAHThis professional conscientiousness is highly

POOH-BAHcreditable to you, but it places us in a very awkward position.

KOMy good sir, the awkwardness of your position is grace

KOitself compared with that of a man engaged in the act of cutting

KOoff his own head.

PISH-TUSHI am afraid that, unless you can obtain a substitute

KOA substitute?  Oh, certainly—nothing easier.

KO(To

KOPooh-Bah)  Pooh-Bah, I appoint you Lord High Substitute.

POOH-BAHI should be delighted.

POOH-BAHSuch an appointment would

POOH-BAHrealize my fondest dreams.

POOH-BAHBut no, at any sacrifice, I must set

POOH-BAHbounds to my insatiable ambition!

TRIOKo-Ko                     Pooh-Bah                Pish-Tush

TRIOMy brain it teams          I am so proud,            I heard one

TRIOday

TRIOWith endless schemes       If I allowed              A gentleman

TRIOsay

TRIOBoth good and new          My family pride           That criminals

TRIOwho

TRIOFor Titipu;                To be my guide,           Are cut in two

TRIOBut if I flit,             I'd volunteer             Can hardly

TRIOfeel

TRIOThe benefit                To quit this sphere       The fatal

TRIOsteel,

TRIOThat I'd diffuse           Instead of you            And so are

TRIOslain

TRIOThe town would lose!       In a minute or two,       Without much

TRIOpain.

TRIONow every man              But family pride          If this is

TRIOtrue,

TRIOTo aid his clan            Must be denied,           It's jolly for

TRIOyou;

Should plot and plan       And set aside,            Your courage

TRIOscrew

TRIOAs best he can,            And mortified.

TRIOTo bid us

TRIOadieu,

TRIOAnd so,                     And so,                  And go

TRIOAlthough                    Although                 And show

TRIOI'm ready to go,           I wish to go,              Both friend

TRIOand foe

TRIOYet recollect              And greatly pine           How much you

TRIOdare.

TRIO'Twere disrespect          To brightly shine,         I'm quite

TRIOaware

Did I neglect              And take the line          It's your

TRIOaffair,

TRIOTo thus effect             Of a hero fine,            Yet I declare

TRIOThis aim direct,           With grief condign         I'd take your

TRIOshare,

TRIOSo I object—              I must decline—           But I don't

TRIOmuch care—

TRIOSo I object—              I must decline—           I don't much

TRIOcare—

TRIOSo I object—              I must decline—           I don't much

TRIOcare—

ALLTo sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock,

ALLIn a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock,

ALLAwaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock,

ALLFrom a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!

[Exeunt Pooh.

ALLand Pish.

KOThis is simply appalling!  I, who allowed myself to be

KOrespited at the last moment, simply in order to benefit my native

KOtown, am now required to die within a month, and that by a man

KOwhom I have loaded with honours!  Is this public gratitude?  Is

this—-  (Enter Nanki-Poo, with a rope in his hands)  Go away,

KOsir!  How dare you?  Am I never to be permitted to soliloquize?

NANKI-POOOh, go on—don't mind me.

KOWhat are you going to do with that rope?

NANKI-POOI am about to terminate an unendurabIe existence.

KOTerminate your existence?  Oh, nonsense!  What for?

NANKI-POOBecause you are going to marry the girl I adore.

KONonsense, sir.

KOI won't permit it.

KOI am a humane man,

KOand if you attempt anything of the kind I shall order your

KOinstant arrest.

KOCome, sir, desist at once or I summon my guard.

NANKI-POOThat's absurd.

NANKI-POOIf you attempt to raise an alarm, I

NANKI-POOinstantly perform the Happy Despatch with this dagger.

KONo, no, don't do that.

KOThis is horrible!  (Suddenly)

KOWhy, you cold-blooded scoundrel, are you aware that, in taking

KOyour life, you are committing a crime which—which—which is——

KOOh!  (Struck by an idea)  Substitute!

NANKI-POOWhat's the matter?

KOIs it absolutely certain that you are resolved to die?

NANKI-POOAbsolutely!

KOWill nothing shake your resolution?

NANKI-POONothing.

KOThreats, entreaties, prayers—all useless?

NANKI-POOAll!  My mind is made up.

KOThen, if you really mean what you say, and if you are

KOabsolutely resolved to die, and if nothing whatever will shake

KOyour determination—don't spoil yourself by committing suicide,

KObut be beheaded handsomely at the hands of the Public

KOExecutioner!

NANKI-POOI don't see how that would benefit me.

KOYou don't?  Observe:

KOyou'll have a month to live, and

KOyou'll live like a fighting-cock at my expense.

KOWhen the day

KOcomes there'll be a grand public ceremonial—you'll be the

KOcentral figure—no one will attempt to deprive you of that

KOdistinction.

KOThere'll be a procession—bands—dead march—bells

KOtolling—all the girls in tears—Yum-Yum distracted—then, when

KOit's all over, general rejoicings, and a display of fireworks in

KOthe evening.

KOYou won't see them, but they'll be there all the

KOsame.

NANKI-POODo you think Yum-Yum would really be distracted at my

NANKI-POOdeath?

KOI am convinced of it.

KOBless you, she's the most

KOtender-hearted little creature alive.

NANKI-POOI should be sorry to cause her pain.

NANKI-POOPerhaps, after

NANKI-POOall, if I were to withdraw from Japan, and travel in Europe for a

NANKI-POOcouple of years, I might contrive to forget her.

KOOh, I don't think you could forget Yum-Yum so easily;

KOand, after all, what is more miserable than a love-blighted life?

NANKI-POOTrue.

KOLife without Yum-Yum—why, it seems absurd!

NANKI-POOAnd yet there are a good many people in the world who

NANKI-POOhave to endure it.

KOPoor devils, yes!  You are quite right not to be of

KOtheir number.

NANKI-POO(suddenly).

NANKI-POOI won't be of their number!

KONoble fellow!

NANKI-POOI'll tell you how we'll manage it.

NANKI-POOLet me marry

NANKI-POOYum-Yum to-morrow, and in a month you may behead me.

KONo, no.

I draw the line at Yum-Yum.

NANKI-POOVery good.

If you can draw the line, so can I.

Preparing rope

KOStop, stop—listen one moment—be reasonable.

KOHow can

KOI consent to your marrying Yum-Yum if I'm going to marry her

KOmyself?

NANKI-POOMy good friend, she'll be a widow in a month, and you

NANKI-POOcan marry her then.

KOThat's true, of course.

KOI quite see that.

KOBut, dear

KOme! my position during the next month will be most

KOunpleasant—most unpleasant.

NANKI-POONot half so unpleasant as my position at the end of

NANKI-POOit.

KOBut—dear me!—well—I agree—after all, it's only

KOputting off my wedding for a month.

KOBut you won't prejudice her

KOagainst me, will you?  You see, I've educated her to be my wife;

KOshe's been taught to regard me as a wise and good man.

KONow I

shouldn't like her views on that point disturbed.

NANKI-POOTrust me, she shall never learn the truth from me.

Enter Chorus, Pooh-Bah, and Pish-Tush.

CHORUSWith aspect stern

CHORUSAnd gloomy stride,

CHORUSWe come to learn

CHORUSHow you decide.

CHORUSDon't hesitate

CHORUSYour choice to name,

CHORUSA dreadful fate

CHORUSYou'll suffer all the same.

POOH-BAHTo ask you what you mean to do we punctually appear.

KOCongratulate me, gentlemen, I've found a Volunteer!

ALLThe Japanese equivalent for Hear, Hear, Hear!

KO(presenting him).

KO'Tis Nanki-Poo!

ALLHail, Nanki-Poo!

KOI think he'll do?

ALLYes, yes, he'll do!

KOHe yields his life if I'll Yum-Yum surrender.

KONow I adore that girl with passion tender,

KOAnd could not yield her with a ready will,

KOOr her allot,

KOIf I did not

KOAdore myself with passion tenderer still!

Enter Yum-Yum, Peep-Bo, and Pitti-Sing.

ALLAh, yes!

ALLHe loves himself with passion tenderer still!

KO(to Nanki-Poo).

KOTake her—she's yours!

[Exit Ko-Ko

NANKI-POOThe threatened cloud has passed away,

YUM-YUMAnd brightly shines the dawning day;

NANKI-POOWhat though the night may come too soon,

YUM-YUMThere's yet a month of afternoon!

SYSTEMNANKI-POO, POOH-BAH, YUM-YUM, PITTI-SING,

YUM-YUMand PEEP-BO.

YUM-YUMThen let the throng

YUM-YUMOur joy advance,

With laughing song

YUM-YUMAnd merry dance,

With joyous shout and ringing cheer,

CHORUSInaugurate our brief career!

PITTI-SINGA day, a week, a month, a year—

YUM-YUMOr far or near, or far or near,

POOH-BAHLife's eventime comes much too soon,

PITTI-SINGYou'll live at least a honeymoon!

ALLThen let the throng, etc.

With joyous shout, etc.

POOH-BAHAs in a month you've got to die,

POOH-BAHIf Ko-Ko tells us true,

POOH-BAH'Twere empty compliment to cry

POOH-BAH"Long life to Nanki-Poo!"

POOH-BAHBut as one month you have to live

POOH-BAHAs fellow-citizen,

POOH-BAHThis toast with three times three we'll give—

POOH-BAH"Long life to you—till then!"

[Exit

CHORUSMay all good fortune prosper you,

CHORUSMay you have health and riches too,

CHORUSMay you succeed in all you do!

CHORUSLong life to you—till then!

Dance

Enter Katisha melodramatically

KATISHAYour revels cease!  Assist me, all of you!

CHORUSWhy, who is this whose evil eyes

CHORUSRain blight on our festivities?

KATISHAI claim my perjured lover, Nanki-Poo!

KATISHAOh, fool! to shun delights that never cloy!

CHORUSGo, leave thy deadly work undone!

KATISHACome back, oh, shallow fool! come back to joy!

CHORUSAway, away! ill-favoured one!

(aside to Yum-Yum).

NANKI-POOAh!

NANKI-POO'Tis Katisha!

NANKI-POOThe maid of whom I told you.

About to go

KATISHA(detaining him).

KATISHANo!

KATISHAYou shall not go,

KATISHAThese arms shall thus enfold you!

KATISHA(addressing Nanki-Poo).

KATISHAOh fool, that fleest

KATISHAMy hallowed joys!

KATISHAOh blind, that seest

KATISHANo equipoise!

KATISHAOh rash, that judgest

KATISHAFrom half, the whole!

KATISHAOh base, that grudgest

KATISHALove's lightest dole!

KATISHAThy heart unbind,

KATISHAOh fool, oh blind!

KATISHAGive me my place,

KATISHAOh rash, oh base!

CHORUSIf she's thy bride, restore her place,

CHORUSOh fool, oh blind, oh rash, oh base!

KATISHA(addressing Yum-Yum).

KATISHAPink cheek, that rulest

KATISHAWhere wisdom serves!

KATISHABright eye, that foolest

KATISHAHeroic nerves!

KATISHARose lip, that scornest

KATISHALore-laden years!

KATISHASmooth tongue, that warnest

KATISHAWho rightly hears!

KATISHAThy doom is nigh.

KATISHAPink cheek, bright eye!

KATISHAThy knell is rung,

KATISHARose lip, smooth tongue!

CHORUSIf true her tale, thy knell is rung,

CHORUSPink cheek, bright eye, rose lip, smooth tongue!

PITTI-SINGAway, nor prosecute your quest—

PITTI-SINGFrom our intention, well expressed,

PITTI-SINGYou cannot turn us!

PITTI-SINGThe state of your connubial views

PITTI-SINGTowards the person you accuse

PITTI-SINGDoes not concern us!

PITTI-SINGFor he's going to marry Yum-Yum—

ALLYum-Yum!

PITTI-SINGYour anger pray bury,

PITTI-SINGFor all will be merry,

PITTI-SINGI think you had better succumb—

ALLCumb—cumb!

PITTI-SINGAnd join our expressions of glee.

PITTI-SINGOn this subject I pray you be dumb—

ALLDumb—dumb.

PITTI-SINGYou'll find there are many

PITTI-SINGWho'll wed for a penny—

PITTI-SINGThe word for your guidance is "Mum"—

ALLMum—mum!

PITTI-SINGThere's lots of good fish in the sea!

ALLOn this subject we pray you be dumb, etc.

KATISHAThe hour of gladness

KATISHAIs dead and gone;

KATISHAIn silent sadness

KATISHAI live alone!

KATISHAThe hope I cherished

KATISHAAll lifeless lies,

KATISHAAnd all has perished

KATISHASave love, which never dies!

KATISHAOh, faithless one, this insult you shall rue!

KATISHAIn vain for mercy on your knees you'll sue.

KATISHAI'll tear the mask from your disguising!

(aside).

NANKI-POONow comes the blow!

KATISHAPrepare yourselves for news surprising!

(aside).

NANKI-POOHow foil my foe?

KATISHANo minstrel he, despite bravado!

(aside, struck by an idea).

YUM-YUMHa! ha! I know!

KATISHAHe is the son of your——

KATISHA(Nanki-Poo, Yum-Yum, and Chorus, interrupting, sing Japanese words,

KATISHAto drown her voice)

KATISHAO ni! bikkuri shakkuri to!

KATISHAIn vain you interrupt with this tornado!

KATISHAHe is the only son of your——

ALLO ni! bikkuri shakkuri to!

KATISHAI'll spoil——

ALLO ni! bikkuri shakkuri to!

KATISHAYour gay gambado!

KATISHAHe is the son——

ALLO ni! bikkuri shakkuri to!

KATISHAOf your——

ALLO ni! bikkuri shakkuri to!

KATISHAThe son of your——

ALLO ni! bikkuri shakkuri to! oya! oya!

THE OTHERSYe torrents roar!                       We'll hear no more,

THE OTHERSYe tempests howl!                       Ill-omened owl.

THE OTHERSYour wrath outpour                      To joy we soar,

THE OTHERSWith angry growl!                       Despite your

THE OTHERSscowl!

THE OTHERSDo ye your worst, my vengeance           The echoes of our festival

THE OTHERScall

THE OTHERSShall rise triumphant over all!          Shall rise triumphant over

THE OTHERSall!

THE OTHERSPrepare for woe,                         Away you go,

THE OTHERSYe haughty lords,                        Collect your

THE OTHERShordes;

THE OTHERSAt once I go                             Proclaim your woe

THE OTHERSMikado-wards,                             In dismal

THE OTHERSchords

THE OTHERSMy wrongs with vengeance shall           We do not heed their

THE OTHERSdismal

THE OTHERSbe crowned!                              sound

THE OTHERSMy wrongs with vengeance shall           For joy reigns everywhere

THE OTHERSbe crowned!                              around.

(Katisha rushes furiously up stage, clearing the crowd away right

THE OTHERSand left, finishing on steps at the back of stage)

SYSTEMACT II.

SYSTEMSCENE.

END OF ACT I—Ko-Ko's Garden.

END OF ACT IYum-Yum discovered seated at her bridal toilet, surrounded by

END OF ACT Imaidens, who are dressing her hair and painting her face and

END OF ACT Ilips, as she judges of the effect in a mirror.

END OF ACT ISOLO—PITTI-SING and CHORUS OF GIRLS.

CHORUSBraid the raven hair—

CHORUSWeave the supple tress—

CHORUSDeck the maiden fair

CHORUSIn her loveliness—

CHORUSPaint the pretty face—

CHORUSDye the coral lip—

CHORUSEmphasize the grace

CHORUSOf her ladyship!

CHORUSArt and nature, thus allied,

CHORUSGo to make a pretty bride.

PITTI-SINGSit with downcast eye

PITTI-SINGLet it brim with dew—

PITTI-SINGTry if you can cry—

PITTI-SINGWe will do so, too.

PITTI-SINGWhen you're summoned, start

PITTI-SINGLike a frightened roe—

PITTI-SINGFlutter, little heart,

PITTI-SINGColour, come and go!

PITTI-SINGModesty at marriage-tide

PITTI-SINGWell becomes a pretty bride!

CHORUSBraid the raven hair, etc.

[Exeunt Pitti-Sing, Peep-Bo, and

CHORUSChorus.

YUM-YUMYes, I am indeed beautiful!  Sometimes I sit and

YUM-YUMwonder, in my artless Japanese way, why it is that I am so much

YUM-YUMmore attractive than anybody else in the whole world.

YUM-YUMCan this

YUM-YUMbe vanity?  No!  Nature is lovely and rejoices in her loveliness.

YUM-YUMI am a child of Nature, and take after my mother.

YUM-YUMThe sun, whose rays

YUM-YUMAre all ablaze

YUM-YUMWith ever-living glory,

YUM-YUMDoes not deny

YUM-YUMHis majesty—

YUM-YUMHe scorns to tell a story!

YUM-YUMHe don't exclaim,

YUM-YUM"I blush for shame,

YUM-YUMSo kindly be indulgent.

YUM-YUM"

YUM-YUMBut, fierce and bold,

YUM-YUMIn fiery gold,

YUM-YUMHe glories effulgent!

YUM-YUMI mean to rule the earth,

YUM-YUMAs he the sky—

YUM-YUMWe really know our worth,

YUM-YUMThe sun and I!

YUM-YUMObserve his flame,

YUM-YUMThat placid dame,

YUM-YUMThe moon's Celestial Highness;

YUM-YUMThere's not a trace

YUM-YUMUpon her face

YUM-YUMOf diffidence or shyness:

YUM-YUMShe borrows light

YUM-YUMThat, through the night,

YUM-YUMMankind may all acclaim her!

YUM-YUMAnd, truth to tell,

YUM-YUMShe lights up well,

YUM-YUMSo I, for one, don't blame her!

YUM-YUMAh, pray make no mistake,

YUM-YUMWe are not shy;

YUM-YUMWe're very wide awake,

YUM-YUMThe moon and I!

Enter Pitti-Sing and Peep-Bo.

YUM-YUMYes, everything seems to smile upon me.

YUM-YUMI am to be

YUM-YUMmarried to-day to the man I love best and I believe I am the very

YUM-YUMhappiest girl in Japan!

PEEP-BOThe happiest girl indeed, for she is indeed to be

PEEP-BOenvied who has attained happiness in all but perfection.

YUM-YUMIn "all but" perfection?

PEEP-BOWell, dear, it can't be denied that the fact that

PEEP-BOyour husband is to be beheaded in a month is, in its way, a

PEEP-BOdrawback.

It does seem to take the top off it, you know.

PITTI-SINGI don't know about that.

PITTI-SINGIt all depends!

PEEP-BOAt all events, he will find it a drawback.

PITTI-SINGNot necessarily.

PITTI-SINGBless you, it all depends!

YUM-YUM(in tears).

YUM-YUMI think it very indelicate of you to

YUM-YUMrefer to such a subject on such a day.

YUM-YUMIf my married happiness

YUM-YUMis to be—to be—

PEEP-BOCut short.

YUM-YUMWell, cut short—in a month, can't you let me forget

YUM-YUMit?  (Weeping)

Enter Nanki-Poo, followed by Go-To.

NANKI-POOYum-Yum in tears—and on her wedding morn!

YUM-YUM(sobbing).

YUM-YUMThey've been reminding me that in a month

YUM-YUMyou're to be beheaded!  (Bursts into tears)

PITTI-SINGYes, we've been reminding her that you're to be

PITTI-SINGbeheaded.

Bursts into tears

PEEP-BOIt's quite true, you know, you are to be beheaded!

Bursts into tears

(aside).

NANKI-POOHumph!  Now, some bridegrooms would be

NANKI-POOdepressed by this sort of thing!  (Aloud)  A month?  Well,

NANKI-POOwhat's a month?  Bah!  These divisions of time are purely

NANKI-POOarbitrary.

NANKI-POOWho says twenty-four hours make a day?

PITTI-SINGThere's a popular impression to that effect.

NANKI-POOThen we'll efface it.

NANKI-POOWe'll call each second a

NANKI-POOminute—each minute an hour—each hour a day—and each day a

NANKI-POOyear.

NANKI-POOAt that rate we've about thirty years of married happiness

NANKI-POObefore us!

PEEP-BOAnd, at that rate, this interview has already lasted

PEEP-BOfour hours and three-quarters!

[Exit

PEEP-BOPeep-Bo.

YUM-YUM(still sobbing).

YUM-YUMYes.

YUM-YUMHow time flies when one is

YUM-YUMthoroughly enjoying oneself!

NANKI-POOThat's the way to look at it!  Don't let's be

NANKI-POOdownhearted!  There's a silver lining to every cloud.

YUM-YUMCertainly.

YUM-YUMLet's—let's be perfectly happy!  (Almost

YUM-YUMin tears)

GO-TOBy all means.

GO-TOLet's—let's thoroughly enjoy

GO-TOourselves.

PITTI-SINGIt's—it's absurd to cry!  (Trying to force a

laugh)

YUM-YUMQuite ridiculous!  (Trying to laugh)

All break into a forced and melancholy laugh

MADRIGALYUM-YUM, PITTI-SING, NANKI-POO, and PISH-TUSH

MADRIGALBrightly dawns our wedding day;

MADRIGALJoyous hour, we give thee greeting!

MADRIGALWhither, whither art thou fleeting?

MADRIGALFickle moment, prithee stay!

MADRIGALWhat though mortal joys be hollow?

MADRIGALPleasures come, if sorrows follow:

MADRIGALThough the tocsin sound, ere long,

MADRIGALDing dong!  Ding dong!

Yet until the shadows fall

MADRIGALOver one and over all,

MADRIGALSing a merry madrigal—

MADRIGALA madrigal!

MADRIGALFal-la—fal-la! etc.

Ending in tears

MADRIGALLet us dry the ready tear,

MADRIGALThough the hours are surely creeping

Little need for woeful weeping,

MADRIGALTill the sad sundown is near.

MADRIGALAll must sip the cup of sorrow—

MADRIGALI to-day and thou to-morrow;

MADRIGALThis the close of every song—

MADRIGALDing dong!  Ding dong!

What, though solemn shadows fall,

MADRIGALSooner, later, over all?

MADRIGALSing a merry madrigal—

MADRIGALA madrigal!

MADRIGALFal-la—fal-la! etc.

Ending in tears

[Exeunt Pitti-Sing and

(Nanki-Poo embraces Yum-Yum.

Enter Ko-Ko.

PISH-TUSHNanki-Poo releases

PISH-TUSHYum-Yum)

KOGo on—don't mind me.

NANKI-POOI'm afraid we're distressing you.

KONever mind, I must get used to it.

KOOnly please do it

KOby degrees.

KOBegin by putting your arm round her waist.

KO(Nanki-Poo does so)  There; let me get used to that first.

YUM-YUMOh, wouldn't you like to retire?  It must pain you to

YUM-YUMsee us so affectionate together!

KONo, I must learn to bear it!  Now oblige me by allowing

KOher head to rest on your shoulder.

NANKI-POOLike that?  (He does so.

NANKI-POOKo-Ko much affected)

KOI am much obliged to you.

KONow—kiss her!  (He does so.

KOKo-Ko writhes with anguish)  Thank you—it's simple torture!

YUM-YUMCome, come, bear up.

YUM-YUMAfter all, it's only for a

YUM-YUMmonth.

KONo.

KOIt's no use deluding oneself with false hopes.

NANKI-POOand YUM.

NANKI-POOWhat do you mean?

KO(to Yum-Yum).

KOMy child—my poor child!  (Aside)  How

KOshall I break it to her?  (Aloud)  My little bride that was to

KOhave been?

YUM-YUM(delighted).

YUM-YUMWas to have been?

KOYes, you never can be mine!

NANKI-POOand YUM.

NANKI-POO(simultaneously, in ecstacy)  What!/I'm so

NANKI-POOglad!

KOI've just ascertained that, by the Mikado's law, when a

KOmarried man is beheaded his wife is buried alive.

NANKI-POOand YUM.

NANKI-POOBuried alive!

KOBuried alive.

KOIt's a most unpleasant death.

NANKI-POOBut whom did you get that from?

KOOh, from Pooh-Bah.

KOHe's my Solicitor.

YUM-YUMBut he may be mistaken!

KOSo I thought; so I consulted the Attorney General, the

KOLord Chief Justice, the Master of the Rolls, the Judge Ordinary,

KOand the Lord Chancellor.

KOThey're all of the same opinion.

KONever

KOknew such unanimity on a point of law in my life!

NANKI-POOBut stop a bit!  This law has never been put in

NANKI-POOforce.

KONot yet.

KOYou see, flirting is the only crime

KOpunishable with decapitation, and married men never flirt.

NANKI-POOOf course, they don't.

NANKI-POOI quite forgot that!  Well, I

NANKI-POOsuppose I may take it that my dream of happiness is at an end!

YUM-YUMDarling—I don't want to appear selfish, and I love

YUM-YUMyou with all my heart—I don't suppose I shall ever love anybody

YUM-YUMelse half as much—but when I agreed to marry you—my own—I had

YUM-YUMno idea—pet—that I should have to be buried alive in a month!

NANKI-POONor I!  It's the very first I've heard of it!

YUM-YUMIt—it makes a difference, doesn't it?

NANKI-POOIt does make a difference, of course.

YUM-YUMYou see—burial alive—it's such a stuffy death!

NANKI-POOI call it a beast of a death.

YUM-YUMYou see my difficulty, don't you?

NANKI-POOYes, and I see my own.

NANKI-POOIf I insist on your carrying

NANKI-POOout your promise, I doom you to a hideous death; if I release

NANKI-POOyou, you marry Ko-Ko at once!

TRIO—YUM-YUM, NANKI-POO, and KO-KO.

YUM-YUMHere's a how-de-do!

YUM-YUMIf I marry you,

YUM-YUMWhen your time has come to perish,

YUM-YUMThen the maiden whom you cherish

YUM-YUMMust be slaughtered, too!

YUM-YUMHere's a how-de-do!

NANKI-POOHere's a pretty mess!

NANKI-POOIn a month, or less,

NANKI-POOI must die without a wedding!

NANKI-POOLet the bitter tears I'm shedding

NANKI-POOWitness my distress,

NANKI-POOHere's a pretty mess!

KOHere's a state of things

KOTo her life she clings!

KOMatrimonial devotion

KODoesn't seem to suit her notion—

KOBurial it brings!

KOHere's a state of things!

ENSEMBLEYUM-YUM and NANKI-POO.

KO-KOWith a passion that's intense           With a passion that's

KO-KOintense

KO-KOI worship and adore,                    You worship and adore,

KO-KOBut the laws of common sense            But the laws of common

KO-KOsense

KO-KOWe oughtn't to ignore.

KO-KOYou oughtn't to

KO-KOignore.

KO-KOIf what he says is true,                If what I say is true,

KO-KO'Tis death to marry you!                'Tis death to marry

KO-KOyou!

KO-KOHere's a pretty state of things!        Here's a pretty state of

KO-KOthings!

KO-KOHere's a pretty how-de-do!              Here's a pretty

KO-KOhow-de-do!

[Exit

KO(going up to Nanki-Poo).

KOMy poor  boy, I'm really very

KOsorry for you.

NANKI-POOThanks, old fellow.

NANKI-POOI'm sure you are.

KOYou see I'm quite helpless.

NANKI-POOI quite see that.

KOI can't conceive anything more distressing than to have

KOone's marriage broken off at the last moment.

KOBut you shan't be

KOdisappointed of a wedding—you shall come to mine.

NANKI-POOIt's awfully kind of you, but that's impossible.

KOWhy so?

NANKI-POOTo-day I die.

KOWhat do you mean?

NANKI-POOI can't live without Yum-Yum.

NANKI-POOThis afternoon I

NANKI-POOperform the Happy Despatch.

KONo, no—pardon me—I can't allow that.

NANKI-POOWhy not?

KOWhy, hang it all, you're under contract to die by the

KOhand of the Public Executioner in a month's time!  If you kill

KOyourself, what's to become of me?  Why, I shall have to be

KOexecuted in your place!

NANKI-POOIt would certainly seem so!

Enter Pooh-Bah.

KONow then, Lord Mayor, what is it?

POOH-BAHThe Mikado and his suite are approaching the city,

POOH-BAHand will be here in ten minutes.

KOThe Mikado!  He's coming to see whether his orders have

KObeen carried out! (To Nanki-Poo)  Now look here, you know—this

KOis getting serious—a bargain's a bargain, and you really mustn't

KOfrustrate the ends of justice by committing suicide.

KOAs a man of

KOhonour and a gentleman, you are bound to die ignominiously by the

KOhands of the Public Executioner.

NANKI-POOVery well, then—behead me.

KOWhat, now?

NANKI-POOCertainly; at once.

POOH-BAHChop it off!  Chop it off!

KOMy good sir, I don't go about prepared to execute

KOgentlemen at a moment's notice.

KOWhy, I never even killed a

KOblue-bottle!

POOH-BAHStill, as Lord High Executioner——

KOMy good sir, as Lord High Executioner, I've got to

KObehead him in a month.

KOI'm not ready yet.

KOI don't know how it's

KOdone.

KOI'm going to take lessons.

KOI mean to begin with a guinea

KOpig, and work my way through the animal kingdom till I come to a

KOSecond Trombone.

KOWhy, you don't suppose that, as a humane man,

KOI'd have accepted the post of Lord High Executioner if I hadn't

KOthought the duties were purely nominal?  I can't kill you—I

KOcan't kill anything! I can't kill anybody!  (Weeps)

NANKI-POOCome, my poor fellow, we all have unpleasant duties

NANKI-POOto discharge at times; after all, what is it?  If I don't mind,

NANKI-POOwhy should you?  Remember, sooner or later it must be done.

KO(springing up suddenly).

KOMust it?  I'm not so sure

KOabout that!

NANKI-POOWhat do you mean?

KOWhy should I kill you when making an affidavit that

KOyou've been executed will do just as well?  Here are plenty of

KOwitnesses—the Lord Chief Justice, Lord High Admiral,

KOCommander-in-Chief, Secretary of State for the Home Department,

KOFirst Lord of the Treasury, and Chief Commissioner of Police.

NANKI-POOBut where are they?

KOThere they are.

KOThey'll all swear to it—won't you?

To Pooh-Bah

POOH-BAHAm I to understand that all of us high Officers of

POOH-BAHState are required to perjure ourselves to ensure your safety?

KOWhy not!  You'll be grossly insulted, as usual.

POOH-BAHWill the insult be cash down, or at a date?

KOIt will be a ready-money transaction.

(Aside) Well, it will be a useful discipline.

POOH-BAH(Aloud)  Very good.

POOH-BAHChoose your fiction, and I'll endorse it!

POOH-BAH(Aside)  Ha! ha!  Family Pride, how do you like that, my buck?

NANKI-POOBut I tell you that life without Yum-Yum——

KOOh, Yum-Yum, Yum-Yum! Bother Yum-Yum!  Here,

KOCommissionaire (to Pooh-Bah), go and fetch Yum-Yum.

(Exit

KOPooh-Bah)  Take Yum-Yum and marry Yum-Yum, only go away and never

KOcome back again.

(Enter Pooh-Bah with Yum-Yum)  Here she is.

KOYum-Yum, are you particularly busy?

YUM-YUMNot particularly.

KOYou've five minutes to spare?

YUM-YUMYes.

KOThen go along with his Grace the Archbishop of Titipu;

KOhe'll marry you at once.

YUM-YUMBut if I'm to be buried alive?

KONow, don't ask any questions, but do as I tell you, and

KONanki-Poo will explain all.

NANKI-POOBut one moment——

KONot for worlds.

KOHere comes the Mikado, no doubt to

KOascertain whether I've obeyed his decree, and if he finds you

KOalive I shall have the greatest difficulty in persuading him that

KOI've beheaded you.

(Exeunt Nanki-Poo and Yum-Yum, followed by

KOPooh-Bah)  Close thing that, for here he comes!

[Exit Ko-Ko.

KOMarch.

—Enter procession, heralding Mikado, with Katisha.

KOEntrance of Mikado and Katisha.

KO("March of the Mikado's troops.

KO")

CHORUSMiya sama, miya sama,

CHORUSOn n'm-ma no maye ni

CHORUSPira-Pira suru no wa

CHORUSNan gia na

CHORUSToko tonyare tonyare na?

CHORUSDUET—MIKADO and KATISHA.

MIKADOFrom every kind of man

MIKADOObedience I expect;

MIKADOI'm the Emperor of Japan—

KATISHAAnd I'm his daughter-in-law elect!

KATISHAHe'll marry his son

He's only got one

KATISHATo his daughter-in-law elect!

MIKADOMy morals have been declared

MIKADOParticularly correct;

KATISHABut they're nothing at all, compared

KATISHAWith those of his daughter-in-law elect!

KATISHABow—Bow—

KATISHATo his daughter-in-law elect!

ALLBow—Bow—

ALLTo his daughter-in-law elect.

MIKADOIn a fatherly kind of way

MIKADOI govern each tribe and sect,

MIKADOAll cheerfully own my sway—

KATISHAExcept his daughter-in-law elect!

KATISHAAs tough as a bone,

KATISHAWith a will of her own,

KATISHAIs his daughter-in-law elect!

MIKADOMy nature is love and light—

MIKADOMy freedom from all defect—

KATISHAIs insignificant quite,

KATISHACompared with his daughter-in-law elect!

KATISHABow—Bow—

KATISHATo his daughter-in-law elect!

ALLBow—Bow—

ALLTo his daughter-in-law elect!

ALLSONG—MIKADO and CHORUS.

ALLA more humane Mikado never

ALLDid in Japan exist,

ALLTo nobody second,

ALLI'm certainly reckoned

ALLA true philanthropist.

ALLIt is my very humane endeavour

ALLTo make, to some extent,

ALLEach evil liver

ALLA running river

ALLOf harmless merriment.

ALLMy object all sublime

ALLI shall achieve in time—

ALLTo let the punishment fit the crime—

ALLThe punishment fit the crime;

ALLAnd make each prisoner pent

ALLUnwillingly represent

ALLA source of innocent merriment!

ALLOf innocent merriment!

ALLAll prosy dull society sinners,

ALLWho chatter and bleat and bore,

ALLAre sent to hear sermons

ALLFrom mystical Germans

ALLWho preach from ten till four.

ALLThe amateur tenor, whose vocal villainies

ALLAll desire to shirk,

ALLShall, during off-hours,

ALLExhibit his powers

ALLTo Madame Tussaud's waxwork.

ALLThe lady who dyes a chemical yellow

ALLOr stains her grey hair puce,

ALLOr pinches her figure,

ALLIs painted with vigour

ALLWith permanent walnut juice.

ALLThe idiot who, in railway carriages,

ALLScribbles on window-panes,

ALLWe only suffer

ALLTo ride on a buffer

ALLIn Parliamentary trains.

ALLMy object all sublime, etc.

CHORUSHis object all sublime, etc.

CHORUSThe advertising quack who wearies

CHORUSWith tales of countless cures,

CHORUSHis teeth, I've enacted,

CHORUSShall all be extracted

CHORUSBy terrified amateurs.

CHORUSThe music-hall singer attends a series

CHORUSOf masses and fugues and "ops"

CHORUSBy Bach, interwoven

CHORUSWith Spohr and Beethoven,

CHORUSAt classical Monday Pops.

CHORUSThe billiard sharp who any one catches,

CHORUSHis doom's extremely hard—

CHORUSHe's made to dwell—

CHORUSIn a dungeon cell

CHORUSOn a spot that's always barred.

CHORUSAnd there he plays extravagant matches

CHORUSIn fitless finger-stalls

CHORUSOn a cloth untrue

CHORUSWith a twisted cue

CHORUSAnd elliptical billiard balls!

CHORUSMy object all sublime, etc.

CHORUSHis object all sublime, etc.

Enter Pooh-Bah, Ko-Ko, and Pitti-Sing.

All kneel

Pooh-Bah hands a paper to Ko-Ko

KOI am honoured in being permitted to welcome your

KOMajesty.

KOI guess the object of your Majesty's visit—your wishes

KOhave been attended to.

KOThe execution has taken place.

MIKADOOh, you've had an execution, have you?

KOYes.

KOThe Coroner has just handed me his certificate.

POOH-BAHI am the Coroner.

POOH-BAH(Ko-Ko hands certificate to

POOH-BAHMikado)

MIKADOAnd this is the certificate of his death.

Reads

MIKADO"At Titipu, in the presence of the Lord Chancellor, Lord Chief

MIKADOJustice, Attorney-General, Secretary of State for the Home

MIKADODepartment, Lord Mayor, and Groom of the Second Floor Front——"

POOH-BAHThey were all present, your Majesty.

POOH-BAHI counted them

POOH-BAHmyself.

MIKADOVery good house.

MIKADOI wish I'd been in time for the

MIKADOperformance.

KOA tough fellow he was, too—a man of gigantic strength.

KOHis struggles were terrific.

KOIt was a remarkable scene.

MIKADODescribe it.

MIKADOTRIO and CHORUS.

MIKADOKO-KO, PITTI-SING, POOH-BAH and CHORUS.

KOThe criminal cried, as he dropped him down,

KOIn a state of wild alarm—

KOWith a frightful, frantic, fearful frown,

KOI bared my big right arm.

KOI seized him by his little pig-tail,

KOAnd on his knees fell he,

KOAs he squirmed and struggled,

KOAnd gurgled and guggled,

KOI drew my snickersnee!

KOOh, never shall I

KOForget the cry,

KOOr the shriek that shrieked he,

KOAs I gnashed my teeth,

KOWhen from its sheath

KOI drew my snickersnee!

CHORUSWe know him well,

CHORUSHe cannot tell

CHORUSUntrue or groundless tales—

CHORUSHe always tries

CHORUSTo utter lies,

CHORUSAnd every time he fails.

PITTI-SINGHe shivered and shook as he gave the sign

PITTI-SINGFor the stroke he didn't deserve;

PITTI-SINGWhen all of a sudden his eye met mine,

PITTI-SINGAnd it seemed to brace his nerve;

PITTI-SINGFor he nodded his head and kissed his hand,

PITTI-SINGAnd he whistled an air, did he,

PITTI-SINGAs the sabre true

PITTI-SINGCut cleanly through

PITTI-SINGHis cervical vertebrae!

PITTI-SINGWhen a man's afraid,

PITTI-SINGA beautiful maid

PITTI-SINGIs a cheering sight to see;

PITTI-SINGAnd it's oh, I'm glad

PITTI-SINGThat moment sad

PITTI-SINGWas soothed by sight of me!

CHORUSHer terrible tale

CHORUSYou can't assail,

CHORUSWith truth it quite agrees:

CHORUSHer taste exact

CHORUSFor faultless fact

CHORUSAmounts to a disease.

POOH-BAHNow though you'd have said that head was dead

POOH-BAH(For its owner dead was he),

POOH-BAHIt stood on its neck, with a smile well-bred,

POOH-BAHAnd bowed three times to me!

POOH-BAHIt was none of your impudent off-hand nods,

POOH-BAHBut as humble as could be;

POOH-BAHFor it clearly knew

POOH-BAHThe deference due

POOH-BAHTo a man of pedigree!

POOH-BAHAnd it's oh, I vow,

POOH-BAHThis deathly bow

POOH-BAHWas a touching sight to see;

POOH-BAHThough trunkless, yet

POOH-BAHIt couldn't forget

POOH-BAHThe deference due to me!

CHORUSThis haughty youth,

CHORUSHe speaks the truth

CHORUSWhenever he finds it pays:

CHORUSAnd in this case

CHORUSIt all took place

CHORUSExactly as he says!

[Exeunt

CHORUSChorus.

MIKADOAll this is very interesting, and I should like to

MIKADOhave seen it.

MIKADOBut we came about a totally different matter.

Ayear ago my son, the heir to the throne of Japan, bolted from our

AImperial Court.

KOIndeed!  Had he any reason to be dissatisfied with his

KOposition?

KATISHANone whatever.

KATISHAOn the contrary, I was going to marry

KATISHAhim—yet he fled!

POOH-BAHI am surprised that he should have fled from one so

POOH-BAHlovely!

KATISHAThat's not true.

POOH-BAHNo!

KATISHAYou hold that I am not beautiful because my face is

KATISHAplain.

KATISHABut you know nothing; you are still unenlightened.

KATISHALearn, then, that it is not in the face alone that beauty is to

KATISHAbe sought.

KATISHAMy face is unattractive!

POOH-BAHIt is.

KATISHABut I have a left shoulder-blade that is a miracle of

KATISHAloveliness.

KATISHAPeople come miles to see it.

KATISHAMy right elbow has a

KATISHAfascination that few can resist.

POOH-BAHAllow me!

KATISHAIt is on view Tuesdays and Fridays, on presentation of

KATISHAvisiting card.

KATISHAAs for my circulation, it is the largest in the

KATISHAworld.

KOAnd yet he fled!

MIKADOAnd is now masquerading in this town, disguised as a

MIKADOSecond Trombone.

POOH-BAH, and PITTI.

POOH-BAHA Second Trombone!

MIKADOYes; would it be troubling you too much if I asked you

MIKADOto produce him?  He goes by the name of——

KOIt's quite easy.

KOThat is, it's rather difficult.

KOIn

KOpoint of fact, he's gone abroad!

MIKADOGone abroad!  His address.

KOKnightsbridge!

KATISHA(who is reading certificate of death).

KATISHAHa!

MIKADOWhat's the matter?

KATISHASee here—his name—Nanki-Poo—beheaded this morning.

KATISHAOh, where shall I find another?  Where shall I find another?

[Ko-Ko, Pooh-Bah, and Pitti-Sing fall on

KATISHAtheir knees.

MIKADO(looking at paper).

MIKADODear, dear, dear!  this is very

MIKADOtiresome.

MIKADO(To Ko-Ko)  My poor fellow, in your anxiety to carry

MIKADOout my wishes you have beheaded the heir to the throne of Japan!

KOI beg to offer an unqualified apology.

POOH-BAHI desire to associate myself with that expression of

POOH-BAHregret.

PITTI-SINGWe really hadn't the least notion—

MIKADOOf course you hadn't.

MIKADOHow could you?  Come, come, my

MIKADOgood fellow, don't distress yourself—it was no fault of yours.

MIKADOIf a man of exalted rank chooses to disguise himself as a Second

Trombone, he must take the consequences.

MIKADOIt really distresses me

MIKADOto see you take on so.

MIKADOI've no doubt he thoroughly deserved all

MIKADOhe got.

They rise

KOWe are infinitely obliged to your Majesty——

PITTI-SINGMuch obliged, your Majesty.

POOH-BAHVery much obliged, your Majesty.

MIKADOObliged? not a bit.

MIKADODon't mention it.

MIKADOHow could you

MIKADOtell?

POOH-BAHNo, of course we couldn't tell who the gentleman

POOH-BAHreally was.

PITTI-SINGIt wasn't written on his forehead, you know.

KOIt might have been on his pocket-handkerchief, but

KOJapanese don't use pocket-handkerchiefs!  Ha! ha! ha!

MIKADOHa! ha! ha! (To Katisha)  I forget the punishment for

MIKADOcompassing the death of the Heir Apparent.

KO, POOH, and PITTI.

KOPunishment.

KO(They drop down on their

KOknees again)

MIKADOYes.

MIKADOSomething lingering, with boiling oil in it, I

MIKADOfancy.

Something of that sort.

MIKADOI think boiling oil occurs in

MIKADOit, but I'm not sure.

MIKADOI know it's something humorous, but

MIKADOlingering, with either boiling oil or melted lead.

MIKADOCome, come,

MIKADOdon't fret—I'm not a bit angry.

KO(in abject terror).

KOIf your Majesty  will accept  our

KOassurance, we had no idea——

MIKADOOf course——

PITTI-SINGI knew nothing about it.

POOH-BAHI wasn't there.

MIKADOThat's the pathetic part of it.

MIKADOUnfortunately, the

MIKADOfool of an Act says "compassing the death of the Heir Apparent.

MIKADO"

MIKADOThere's not a word about a mistake——

PITTI-SING, and POOH.

PITTI-SINGNo!

MIKADOOr not knowing——

KONo!

MIKADOOr having no notion——

PITTI-SINGNo!

MIKADOOr not being there——

POOH-BAHNo!

MIKADOThere should be, of course—-

PITTI-SING, and POOH.

PITTI-SINGYes!

MIKADOBut there isn't.

PITTI-SING, and POOH.

PITTI-SINGOh!

MIKADOThat's the slovenly way in which these Acts are always

MIKADOdrawn.

MIKADOHowever, cheer up, it'll be all right.

MIKADOI'll have it

MIKADOaltered next session.

MIKADONow, let's see about your execution—will

MIKADOafter luncheon suit you?  Can you wait till then?

PITTI-SING, and POOH.

PITTI-SINGOh, yes—we can wait till then!

MIKADOThen we'll make it after luncheon.

POOH-BAHI don't want any lunch.

MIKADOI'm really very sorry for you all, but it's an unjust

MIKADOworld, and virtue is triumphant only in theatrical performances.

GLEEPITTI-SING, KATISHA, KO-KO, POOH-BAH, and MIKADO,

MIKADOSee how the Fates their gifts allot,

MIKADOFor A is happy—B is not.

MIKADOYet B is worthy, I dare say,

MIKADOOf more prosperity than A!

POOH-BAH, and PITTI.

POOH-BAHIs B more worthy?

KATISHAI should say

KATISHAHe's worth a great deal more than A.

ENSEMBLE:Yet A is happy!

ENSEMBLE:Oh, so happy!

ENSEMBLE:Laughing, Ha! ha!

ENSEMBLE:Chaffing, Ha! ha!

ENSEMBLE:Nectar quaffing, Ha! ha! ha!

ENSEMBLE:Ever joyous, ever gay,

ENSEMBLE:Happy, undeserving A!

POOH-BAH, and PITTI.

POOH-BAHIf I were Fortune—which I'm not—

POOH-BAHB should enjoy A's happy lot,

POOH-BAHAnd A should die in miserie—

POOH-BAHThat is, assuming I am B.

MIKADOand KAT.

MIKADOBut should A perish?

POOH-BAH, and PITTI.

POOH-BAHThat should be

POOH-BAH(Of course, assuming I am B).

POOH-BAHB should be happy!

POOH-BAHOh, so happy!

POOH-BAHLaughing, Ha! ha!

POOH-BAHChaffing, Ha! ha!

POOH-BAHNectar quaffing, Ha! ha! ha!

POOH-BAHBut condemned to die is he,

POOH-BAHWretched meritorious B!

[Exeunt Mikado and

POOH-BAHKatisha.

KOWell, a nice mess you've got us into, with your nodding

KOhead and the deference due to a man of pedigree!

POOH-BAHMerely corroborative detail, intended to give

POOH-BAHartistic verisimilitude to an otherwise bald and unconvincing

POOH-BAHnarrative.

PITTI-SINGCorroborative detail indeed!  Corroborative

PITTI-SINGfiddlestick!

KOAnd you're just as bad as he is with your cock—

KOand-a-bull stories about catching his eye and his whistling an

KOair.

KOBut that's so like you!  You must put in your oar!

POOH-BAHBut how about your big right arm?

PITTI-SINGYes, and your snickersnee!

KOWell, well, never mind that now.

KOThere's only one

KOthing to be done.

KONanki-Poo hasn't started yet—he must come to

KOlife again at once.

(Enter Nanki-Poo and Yum-Yum prepared for

KOjourney)  Here he comes.

KOHere, Nanki-Poo, I've good news for

KOyou—you're reprieved.

NANKI-POOOh, but it's too late.

NANKI-POOI'm a dead man, and I'm off

NANKI-POOfor my honeymoon.

KONonsense!  A terrible thing has just happened.

KOIt

KOseems you're the son of the Mikado.

NANKI-POOYes, but that happened some time ago.

KOIs this a time for airy persiflage?  Your father is

KOhere, and with Katisha!

NANKI-POOMy father!  And with Katisha!

KOYes, he wants you particularly.

POOH-BAHSo does she.

YUM-YUMOh, but he's married now.

KOBut, bless my heart! what has that to do with it?

NANKI-POOKatisha claims me in marriage, but I can't marry her

NANKI-POObecause I'm married already—consequently she will insist on my

NANKI-POOexecution, and if I'm executed, my wife will have to be buried

NANKI-POOalive.

YUM-YUMYou see our difficulty.

KOYes.

KOI don't know what's to be done.

NANKI-POOThere's one chance for you.

NANKI-POOIf you could persuade

NANKI-POOKatisha to marry you, she would have no further claim on me, and

NANKI-POOin that case I could come to life without any fear of being put

NANKI-POOto death.

KOI marry Katisha!

YUM-YUMI really think it's the only course.

KOBut, my good girl, have you seen her?  She's something

KOappalling!

PITTI-SINGAh! that's only her face.

PITTI-SINGShe has a left elbow

PITTI-SINGwhich people come miles to see!

POOH-BAHI am told that her right heel is much admired by

POOH-BAHconnoisseurs.

KOMy good sir, I decline to pin my heart upon any lady's

KOright heel.

NANKI-POOIt comes to this:

NANKI-POOWhile Katisha is single, I prefer

NANKI-POOto be a disembodied spirit.

NANKI-POOWhen Katisha is married, existence

NANKI-POOwill be as welcome as the flowers in spring.

NANKI-POODUET—NANKI-POO and KO-KO.

With YUM-YUM, PITTI-SING, and POOH-BAH

NANKI-POOThe flowers that bloom in the spring,

NANKI-POOTra la,

NANKI-POOBreathe promise of merry sunshine—

NANKI-POOAs we merrily dance and we sing,

NANKI-POOTra la,

NANKI-POOWe welcome the hope that they bring,

NANKI-POOTra la,

NANKI-POOOf a summer of roses and wine.

NANKI-POOAnd that's what we mean when we say that a

NANKI-POOthing

NANKI-POOIs welcome as flowers that bloom in the

NANKI-POOspring.

NANKI-POOTra la la la la la, etc.

ALLTra la la la, etc.

KOThe flowers that bloom in the spring,

KOTra la,

KOHave nothing to do with the case.

KOI've got to take under my wing,

KOTra la,

KOA most unattractive old thing,

KOTra la,

KOWith a caricature of a face

KOAnd that's what I mean when I say, or I sing,

KO"Oh, bother the flowers that bloom in the spring.

KO"

KOTra la la la la la, etc.

ALLTra la la la, Tra la la la, etc.

[Dance and exeunt Nanki-Poo, Yum-Yum, Pooh-Bah, Pitti-Sing, and

Enter Katisha.

KO-KORECITATIVE and SONG.

KATISHAAlone, and yet alive!  Oh, sepulchre!

KATISHAMy soul is still my body's prisoner!

KATISHARemote the peace that Death alone can give—

KATISHAMy doom, to wait! my punishment, to live!

SONGHearts do not break!

SONGThey sting and ache

SONGFor old love's sake,

SONGBut do not die,

SONGThough with each breath

SONGThey long for death

SONGAs witnesseth

SONGThe living I!

SONGOh, living I!

SONGCome, tell me why,

SONGWhen hope is gone,

SONGDost thou stay on?

SONGWhy linger here,

SONGWhere all is drear?

SONGOh, living I!

SONGCome, tell me why,

SONGWhen hope is gone,

SONGDost thou stay on?

SONGMay not a cheated maiden die?

(entering and approaching her timidly).

KOKatisha!

KATISHAThe miscreant who robbed me of my love!  But vengeance

KATISHApursues—they are heating the cauldron!

KOKatisha—behold a suppliant at your feet!

KOKatisha—mercy!

KATISHAMercy?  Had you mercy on him?  See here, you!  You

KATISHAhave slain my love.

KATISHAHe did not love me, but he would have loved

KATISHAme in time.

KATISHAI am an acquired taste—only the educated palate can

KATISHAappreciate me.

KATISHAI was educating his palate when he left me.

KATISHAWell, he is dead, and where shall I find another?  It takes years

KATISHAto train a man to love me.

KATISHAAm I to go through the weary round

KATISHAagain, and, at the same time, implore mercy for you who robbed me

KATISHAof my prey—I mean my pupil—just as his education was on the

KATISHApoint of completion?  Oh, where shall I find another?

KO(suddenly, and with great vehemence).

KOHere!—Here!

KATISHAWhat!!!

KO(with intense passion).

KOKatisha, for years I have

KOloved you with a white-hot passion that is slowly but surely

KOconsuming my very vitals!  Ah, shrink not from me!  If there is

aught of woman's mercy in your heart, turn not away from a

KOlove-sick suppliant whose every fibre thrills at your tiniest

KOtouch!  True it is that, under a poor mask of disgust, I have

KOendeavoured to conceal a passion whose inner fires are broiling

KOthe soul within me!  But the fire will not be smothered—it

KOdefies all attempts at extinction, and, breaking forth, all the

KOmore eagerly for its long restraint, it declares itself in words

KOthat will not be weighed—that cannot be schooled—that should

KOnot be too severely criticised.

KOKatisha, I dare not hope for

KOyour love—but I will not live without it!  Darling!

KATISHAYou, whose hands still reek with the blood of my

KATISHAbetrothed, dare to address words of passion to the woman you have

KATISHAso foully wronged!

KOI do—accept my love, or I perish on the spot!

KATISHAGo to!  Who knows so well as I that no one ever yet

KATISHAdied of a broken heart!

KOYou know not what you say.

KOListen!

KO-KOOn a tree by a river a little tom-tit

KO-KOSang "Willow, titwillow, titwillow!"

KO-KOAnd I said to him, "Dicky-bird, why do you sit

KO-KOSinging  Willow, titwillow, titwillow'?"

KO-KO"Is it weakness of intellect, birdie?" I cried,

KO-KO"Or a rather tough worm in your little inside?"

KO-KOWith a shake of his poor little head, he replied,

KO-KO"Oh, willow, titwillow, titwillow!"

KO-KOHe slapped at his chest, as he sat on that bough,

KO-KOSinging "Willow, titwillow, titwillow!"

KO-KOAnd a cold perspiration bespangled his brow,

KO-KOOh, willow, titwillow, titwillow!

KO-KOHe sobbed and he sighed, and a gurgle he gave,

KO-KOThen he plunged himself into the billowy wave,

KO-KOAnd an echo arose from the suicide's grave—

KO-KO"Oh, willow, titwillow, titwillow!"

KO-KONow I feel just as sure as I'm sure that my name

KO-KOIsn't Willow, titwillow, titwillow,

KO-KOThat 'twas blighted affection that made him exclaim

KO-KO"Oh, willow, titwillow, titwillow!"

KO-KOAnd if you remain callous and obdurate, I

KO-KOShall perish as he did, and you will know why,

KO-KOThough I probably shall not exclaim as I die,

KO-KO"Oh, willow, titwillow, titwillow!"

KO-KO(During this song Katisha has been greatly affected, and at the

KO-KOend is almost in tears)

KATISHA(whimpering).

KATISHADid he really die of love?

KOHe really did.

KATISHAAll on account of a cruel little hen?

KOYes.

KATISHAPoor little chap!

KOIt's an affecting tale, and quite true.

KOI knew the

KObird intimately.

KATISHADid you?  He must have been very fond of her.

KOHis devotion was something extraordinary.

KATISHA(still whimpering).

KATISHAPoor little chap!  And—and if I

KATISHArefuse you, will you go and do the same?

KOAt once.

KATISHANo, no—you mustn't!  Anything but that!  (Falls on

KATISHAhis breast)  Oh, I'm a silly little goose!

KO(making a wry face).

KOYou are!

KATISHAAnd you won't hate me because I'm just a little teeny

KATISHAweeny wee bit bloodthirsty, will you?

KOHate you?  Oh, Katisha! is there not beauty even in

KObloodthirstiness?

KATISHAMy idea exactly.

KATISHADUET—KATISHA and KO-KO.

KATISHAThere is beauty in the bellow of the blast,

KATISHAThere is grandeur in the growling of the gale,

KATISHAThere is eloquent outpouring

KATISHAWhen the lion is a-roaring,

KATISHAAnd the tiger is a-lashing of his tail!

KOYes, I like to see a tiger

KOFrom the Congo or the Niger,

KOAnd especially when lashing of his tail!

KATISHAVolcanoes have a splendor that is grim,

KATISHAAnd earthquakes only terrify the dolts,

KATISHABut to him who's scientific

KATISHAThere's nothing that's terrific

KATISHAIn the falling of a flight of thunderbolts!

KOYes, in spite of all my meekness,

KOIf I have a little weakness,

KOIt's a passion for a flight of thunderbolts!

BOTHIf that is so,

BOTHSing derry down derry!

BOTHIt's evident, very,

BOTHOur tastes are one.

BOTHAway we'll go,

BOTHAnd merrily marry,

BOTHNor tardily tarry

BOTHTill day is done!

KOThere is beauty in extreme old age—

KODo you fancy you are elderly enough?

KOInformation I'm requesting

KOOn a subject interesting:

KOIs a maiden all the better when she's tough?

KATISHAThroughout this wide dominion

KATISHAIt's the general opinion

KATISHAThat she'll last a good deal longer when she's

KATISHAtough.

KOAre you old enough to marry, do you think?

KOWon't you wait till you are eighty in the shade?

KOThere's a fascination frantic

KOIn a ruin that's romantic;

KODo you think you are sufficiently decayed?

KATISHATo the matter that you mention

KATISHAI have given some attention,

KATISHAAnd I think I am sufficiently decayed.

BOTHIf that is so,

BOTHSing derry down derry!

BOTHIt's evident, very,

BOTHOur tastes are one!

BOTHAway we'll go,

BOTHAnd merrily marry,

BOTHNor tardily tarry

BOTHTill day is done!

[Exeunt

BOTHtogether.

BOTHFlourish.

Enter the Mikado, attended by Pish-Tush and Court.

MIKADONow then, we've had a capital lunch, and we're quite

MIKADOready.

MIKADOHave all the painful preparations been made?

PISH-TUSHYour Majesty, all is prepared.

MIKADOThen produce the unfortunate gentleman and his two

MIKADOwell-meaning but misguided accomplices.

Enter Ko-Ko, Katisha, Pooh-Bah, and Pitti-Sing.

They throw

MIKADOthemselves

MIKADOat the Mikado's feet

KATISHAMercy!  Mercy for Ko-Ko!  Mercy for Pitti-Sing!  Mercy

KATISHAeven for Pooh-Bah!

MIKADOI beg your pardon, I don't think I quite caught that

MIKADOremark.

POOH-BAHMercy even for Pooh-Bah.

KATISHAMercy!  My husband that was to have been is dead, and

KATISHAI have just married this miserable object.

MIKADOOh!  You've not been long about it!

KOWe were married before the Registrar.

POOH-BAHI am the Registrar.

MIKADOI see.

MIKADOBut my difficulty is that, as you have slain

MIKADOthe Heir Apparent——

Enter Nanki-Poo and Yum-Yum.

They kneel.

NANKI-POOThe Heir Apparent is not slain.

MIKADOBless my heart, my son!

YUM-YUMAnd your daughter-in-law elected!

KATISHA(seizing Ko-Ko).

KATISHATraitor, you have deceived me!

MIKADOYes, you are entitled to a little explanation, but I

MIKADOthink he will give it better whole than in pieces.

KOYour Majesty, it's like this:

KOIt is true that I stated

KOthat I had killed Nanki-Poo——

MIKADOYes, with most affecting particulars.

POOH-BAHMerely corroborative detail intended to give artistic

POOH-BAHverisimilitude to a bald and——

KOWill you refrain from putting in your oar?  (To

KOMikado)  It's like this:

KOWhen your Majesty says, "Let a thing be

KOdone," it's as good as done—practically, it is done—because

KOyour Majesty's will is law.

KOYour Majesty says, "Kill a

KOgentleman," and a gentleman is told off to be killed.

KOConsequently, that gentleman is as good as dead—practically, he

KOis dead—and if he is dead, why not say so?

MIKADOI see.

MIKADONothing could possibly be more satisfactory!

PITTI-SINGFor he's gone and married Yum-Yum—

ALLYum-Yum!

PITTI-SINGYour anger pray bury,

PITTI-SINGFor all will be merry,

PITTI-SINGI think you had better succumb—

ALLCumb—cumb.

PITTI-SINGAnd join our expressions of glee!

KOOn this subject I pray you be dumb—

ALLDumb—dumb!

KOYour notions, though many,

KOAre not worth a penny,

KOThe word for your guidance is "Mum"—

ALLMum—Mum!

KOYou've a very good bargain in me.

ALLOn this subject we pray you be dumb—

ALLDumb—dumb!

ALLWe think you had better succumb—

ALLCumb—cumb!

ALLYou'll find there are many

ALLWho'll wed for a penny,

ALLThere are lots of good fish in the sea.

YUM-YUMand NANK.

YUM-YUMThe threatened cloud has passed away,

YUM-YUMAnd brightly shines the dawning day;

YUM-YUMWhat though the night may come too soon,

YUM-YUMWe've years and years of afternoon!

ALLThen let the throng

ALLOur joy advance,

With laughing song

ALLAnd merry dance,

With joyous shout and ringing cheer,

ALLInaugurate our new career!

ALLThen let the throng, etc.