The Pirates of Penzance

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The Pirates of Penzance Libretto

SYSTEMTHE PIRATES OF PENZANCE

SYSTEMOR

SYSTEMTHE SLAVE OF DUTY

KINGSAMUEL (his Lieutenant)

SERGEANTMABEL, EDITH, KATE, and ISABEL (General Stanley's Daughters)

SERGEANTRUTH (a Pirate Maid of all Work)

SERGEANTChorus of Pirates, Police, and General Stanley's Daughters

SYSTEMACT I

SERGEANTA rocky sea-shore on the coast of Cornwall

SYSTEMACT II

SERGEANTA ruined chapel by moonlight

SERGEANTFirst produced at the Opera Comique on April 3, 1880

SYSTEMACT I

SERGEANT(Scene.

SERGEANT-A rocky seashore on the coast of Cornwall.

SERGEANTIn the

SERGEANTdistance is a calm sea, on which a schooner is lying at anchor.

SERGEANTRock L.

SERGEANTsloping down to L.

Cof stage.

CUnder these rocks is a

Ccavern, the entrance to which is seen at first entrance L.

Anatural arch of rock occupies the R.

Cof the stage.

CAs the

curtain rises groups of pirates are discovered — some drinking,

Csome playing cards.

CSAMUEL, the Pirate Lieutenant, is going from

Cone group to another, filling the cups from a flask.

CFREDERIC is

Cseated in a despondent attitude at the back of the scene.

kneels at his feet)

ALL:Pour, O pour the pirate sherry;

ALL:Fill, O fill the pirate glass;

ALL:And, to make us more than merry

ALL:Let the pirate bumper pass.

SAMUELFor today our pirate 'prentice

Rises from indentures freed;

SAMUELStrong his arm, and keen his scent is

SAMUELHe's a pirate now indeed!

ALL:Here's good luck to Fred'ric's ventures!

ALL:Fred'ric's out of his indentures.

Two and twenty, now he's rising,

SAMUELAnd alone he's fit to fly,

SAMUELWhich we're bent on signalizing

SAMUELWith unusual revelry.

ALL:Here's good luck to Fred'ric's ventures!

ALL:Fred'ric's out of his indentures.

ALL:Pour, O pour the pirate sherry;

ALL:Fill, O fill the pirate glass;

ALL:And, to make us more than merry

ALL:Let the pirate bumper pass.

FREDERIC rises and comes forward with PIRATE KING, who enters

KINGYes, Frederic, from to-day you rank as a full-blown

KINGmember of our band.

ALL:Hurrah!

FREDERICMy friends, I thank you all, from my heart, for your

FREDERICkindly wishes.

FREDERICWould that I could repay them as they

FREDERICdeserve!

KINGWhat do you mean?

To-day I am out of my indentures, and to-day I leave

FREDERICyou for ever.

KINGBut this is quite unaccountable; a keener hand at

KINGscuttling a Cunarder or cutting out a White Star never

KINGshipped a handspike.

FREDERICYes, I have done my best for you.

FREDERICAnd why?  It was my

FREDERICduty under my indentures, and I am the slave of duty.

FREDERICAs a child I was regularly apprenticed to your band.

FREDERICIt was through an error — no matter, the mistake was

FREDERICours, not yours, and I was in honour bound by it.

SAMUELAn error?  What error?  (RUTH rises and comes forward)

FREDERICI may not tell you; it would reflect upon my well-loved

FREDERICRuth.

RUTHNay, dear master, my mind has long been gnawed by the

RUTHcankering tooth of mystery.

RUTHBetter have it out at

RUTHonce.

RUTHWhen Frederic was a little lad he proved so brave and

RUTHdaring,

RUTHHis father thought he'd 'prentice him to some career

RUTHseafaring.

RUTHI was, alas! his nurs'rymaid, and so it fell to my lot

RUTHTo take and bind the promising boy apprentice to a

RUTHpilot —

RUTHA life not bad for a hardy lad, though surely not a

RUTHhigh lot,

RUTHThough I'm a nurse, you might do worse than make your

RUTHboy a pilot.

RUTHI was a stupid nurs'rymaid, on breakers always

RUTHsteering,

RUTHAnd I did not catch the word aright, through being hard

RUTHof hearing;

RUTHMistaking my instructions, which within my brain did

RUTHgyrate,

RUTHI took and bound this promising boy apprentice to a

PIRATESA sad mistake it was to make and doom him to a vile

PIRATESlot.

PIRATESI bound him to a pirate — you! — instead of to a

PIRATESpilot.

PIRATESI soon found out, beyond all doubt, the scope of this

PIRATESdisaster,

PIRATESBut I hadn't the face to return to my place, and break

PIRATESit to my master.

PIRATESA nurs'rymaid is not afraid of what you people call

PIRATESwork,

PIRATESSo I made up my mind to go as a kind of piratical maid-

PIRATESof-all-work.

PIRATESAnd that is how you find me now, a member of your shy

PIRATESlot,

PIRATESWhich you wouldn't have found, had he been bound

PIRATESapprentice to a pilot.

RUTHOh, pardon!  Frederic, pardon!  (Kneels)

Rise, sweet one, I have long pardoned you.

FREDERIC(Ruth

rises)

RUTHThe two words were so much alike!

FREDERICThey were.

FREDERICThey still are, though years have rolled

FREDERICover their heads.

FREDERICBut this afternoon my obligation

FREDERICceases.

FREDERICIndividually, I love you all with affection

FREDERICunspeakable; but, collectively, I look upon you with a

FREDERICdisgust that amounts to absolute detestation.

FREDERICOh! pity

FREDERICme, my beloved friends, for such is my sense of duty

FREDERICthat, once out of my indentures, I shall feel myself

FREDERICbound to devote myself heart and soul to your

FREDERICextermination!

ALL:Poor lad — poor lad!  (All weep)

KINGWell, Frederic, if you conscientiously feel that it is

KINGyour duty to destroy us, we cannot blame you for acting

KINGon that conviction.

KINGAlways act in accordance with the

KINGdictates of your conscience, my boy, and chance the

KINGconsequences.

SAMUELBesides, we can offer you but little temptation to

SAMUELremain with us.

SAMUELWe don't seem to make piracy pay.

SAMUELI'm

SAMUELsure I don't know why, but we don't.

FREDERICI know why, but, alas! I mustn't tell you; it wouldn't

FREDERICbe right.

KINGWhy not, my boy?  It's only half-past eleven, and you

KINGare one of us until the clock strikes twelve.

SAMUELTrue, and until then you are bound to protect our

SAMUELinterests.

ALL:Hear, hear!

FREDERICWell, then, it is my duty, as a pirate, to tell you

FREDERICthat you are too tender-hearted.

FREDERICFor instance, you

make a point of never attacking a weaker party than

FREDERICyourselves, and when you attack a stronger party you

FREDERICinvariably get thrashed.

KINGThere is some truth in that.

Then, again, you make a point of never molesting an

FREDERICorphan!

SAMUELOf course:

SAMUELwe are orphans ourselves, and know what it

SAMUELis.

FREDERICYes, but it has got about, and what is the consequence?

FREDERICEvery one we capture says he's an orphan.

FREDERICThe last

FREDERICthree ships we took proved to be manned entirely by

FREDERICorphans, and so we had to let them go.

FREDERICOne would think

FREDERICthat Great Britain's mercantile navy was recruited

FREDERICsolely from her orphan asylums — which we know is not

FREDERICthe case.

SAMUELBut, hang it all!  you wouldn't have us absolutely

SAMUELmerciless?

FREDERICThere's my difficulty; until twelve o'clock I would,

FREDERICafter twelve I wouldn't.

FREDERICWas ever a man placed in so

FREDERICdelicate a situation?

RUTHAnd Ruth, your own Ruth, whom you love so well, and who

RUTHhas won her middle-aged way into your boyish heart,

RUTHwhat is to become of her?

KINGOh, he will take you with him.

FREDERICWell, Ruth, I feel some difficulty about you.

FREDERICIt is

FREDERICtrue that I admire you very much, but I have been

FREDERICconstantly at sea since I was eight years old, and

FREDERICyours is the only woman's face I have seen during that

FREDERICtime.

FREDERICI think it is a sweet face.

RUTHIt is — oh, it is!

FREDERICI say I think it is; that is my impression.

FREDERICBut as I

FREDERIChave never had an opportunity of comparing you with

FREDERICother women, it is just possible I may be mistaken.

KINGTrue.

FREDERICWhat a terrible thing it would be if I were to marry

FREDERICthis innocent person, and then find out that she is, on

FREDERICthe whole, plain!

KINGOh, Ruth is very well, very well indeed.

SAMUELYes, there are the remains of a fine woman about Ruth.

FREDERICDo you really think so?

SAMUELI do.

Then I will not be so selfish as to take her from you.

FREDERICIn justice to her, and in consideration for you, I will

leave her behind.

Hands RUTH to KING

KINGNo, Frederic, this must not be.

KINGWe are rough men, who

KINGlead a rough life, but we are not so utterly heartless

KINGas to deprive thee of thy love.

KINGI think I am right in

KINGsaying that there is not one here who would rob thee of

KINGthis inestimable treasure for all the world holds dear.

ALL:(loudly)  Not one!

KINGNo, I thought there wasn't.

KINGKeep thy love, Frederic,

KINGkeep thy love.

Hands her back to FREDERIC

FREDERICYou're very good, I'm sure.

Exit RUTH

KINGWell, it's the top of the tide, and we must be off.

KINGFarewell, Frederic.

KINGWhen your process of extermination

KINGbegins, let our deaths be as swift and painless as you

KINGcan conveniently make them.

FREDERICI will!  By the love I have for you, I swear it!  Would

FREDERICthat you could render this extermination unnecessary by

FREDERICaccompanying me back to civilization!

KINGNo, Frederic, it cannot be.

KINGI don't think much of our

KINGprofession, but, contrasted with respectability, it is

KINGcomparatively honest.

KINGNo, Frederic, I shall live and

KINGdie a Pirate King.

KINGOh, better far to live and die

KINGUnder the brave black flag I fly,

KINGThan play a sanctimonious part

KINGWith a pirate head and a pirate heart.

KINGAway to the cheating world go you,

KINGWhere pirates all are well-to-do;

KINGBut I'll be true to the song I sing,

KINGAnd live and die a Pirate King.

KINGFor I am a Pirate King!

KINGAnd it is, it is a glorious thing

KINGTo be a Pirate King!

KINGFor I am a Pirate King!

ALL:You are!

ALL:Hurrah for the Pirate King!

KINGAnd it is, it is a glorious thing

KINGTo be a Pirate King.

ALL:It is!

ALL:Hurrah for the Pirate King!

KINGWhen I sally forth to seek my prey

KINGI help myself in a royal way.

KINGI sink a few more ships, it's true,

KINGThan a well-bred monarch ought to do;

KINGBut many a king on a first-class throne,

KINGIf he wants to call his crown his own,

KINGMust manage somehow to get through

KINGMore dirty work than e'er I do,

KINGFor I am a Pirate King!

KINGAnd it is, it is a glorious thing

KINGTo be a Pirate King!

KINGFor I am a Pirate King!

ALL:You are!

ALL:Hurrah for the Pirate King!

KINGAnd it is, it is a glorious thing

KINGTo be a Pirate King.

ALL:It is!

ALL:Hurrah for the Pirate King!

(Exeunt all except FREDERIC.

Enter RUTH)

RUTHOh, take me with you! I cannot live if I am left

RUTHbehind.

FREDERICRuth, I will be quite candid with you.

FREDERICYou are very

FREDERICdear to me, as you know, but I must be circumspect.

FREDERICYou see, you are considerably older than I.

FREDERICA lad of

FREDERICtwenty-one usually looks for a wife of seventeen.

RUTHA wife of seventeen!  You will find me a wife of a

RUTHthousand!

FREDERICNo, but I shall find you a wife of forty-seven, and

FREDERICthat is quite enough.

FREDERICRuth, tell me candidly and

FREDERICwithout reserve:

FREDERICcompared with other women, how are

FREDERICyou?

RUTHI will answer you truthfully, master:

RUTHI have a slight

RUTHcold, but otherwise I am quite well.

FREDERICI am sorry for your cold, but I was referring rather to

FREDERICyour personal appearance.

FREDERICCompared with other women,

FREDERICare you beautiful?

RUTH(bashfully)    I have been told so, dear master.

FREDERICAh, but lately?

RUTHOh, no; years and years ago.

FREDERICWhat do you think of yourself?

RUTHIt is a delicate question to answer, but I think I am a

RUTHfine woman.

FREDERICThat is your candid opinion?

RUTHYes, I should be deceiving you if I told you otherwise.

FREDERICThank you, Ruth.

FREDERICI believe you, for I am sure you

FREDERICwould not practice on my inexperience.

FREDERICI wish to do

FREDERICthe right thing, and if- I say if- you are really a

FREDERICfine woman, your age shall be no obstacle to our union!

FREDERIC(Shakes hands with her.

FREDERICChorus of girls heard in the

FREDERICdistance, "climbing over rocky mountain," etc)  Hark!

FREDERICSurely I hear voices!  Who has ventured to approach our

FREDERICall but inaccessible lair? Can it be Custom House?  No,

FREDERICit does not sound like Custom House.

RUTH(aside)  Confusion!  it is the voices of young girls!

RUTHIf he should see them I am lost.

FREDERIC(looking off)  By all that's marvellous, a bevy of

FREDERICbeautiful maidens!

RUTH(aside)  Lost!  lost!  lost!

FREDERICHow lovely, how surpassingly lovely is the plainest of

FREDERICthem!  What grace- what delicacy- what refinement!  And

FREDERICRuth— Ruth told me she was beautiful!

FREDERICOh, false one, you have deceived me!

RUTHI have deceived you?

FREDERICYes, deceived me!

Denouncing her

FREDERICYou told me you were fair as gold!

RUTH(wildly)  And, master, am I not so?

FREDERICAnd now I see you're plain and old.

RUTHI'm sure I'm not a jot so.

FREDERICUpon my innocence you play.

RUTHI'm not the one to plot so.

FREDERICYour face is lined, your hair is grey.

RUTHIt's gradually got so.

FREDERICFaithless woman, to deceive me,

FREDERICI who trusted so!

RUTHMaster, master, do not leave me!

RUTHHear me, ere you go!

RUTHMy love without reflecting,

RUTHOh, do not be rejecting!

Take a maiden tender, her affection raw and green,

RUTHAt very highest rating,

RUTHHas been accumulating

RUTHSummers seventeen, summers seventeen.

RUTHDon't, beloved master,

RUTHCrush me with disaster.

RUTHWhat is such a dower to the dower I have here?

RUTHMy love unabating

RUTHHas been accumulating

RUTHForty-seven year—forty-seven year!

SYSTEMRUTH                            FREDERIC

ENSEMBLEDon't, beloved master,         Yes, your former master

ENSEMBLECrush me with disaster.

ENSEMBLESaves you from disaster.

ENSEMBLEWhat is such a dower to the     Your love would be uncomfortably

ENSEMBLEdower I have here              fervid, it is clear

ENSEMBLEMy love unabating              If, as you are stating

ENSEMBLEHas been accumulating          It's been accumulating

ENSEMBLEForty-seven year, forty-seven   Forty-seven year—forty-seven year!

ENSEMBLEyear!                      Faithless woman to deceive me, I

ENSEMBLEwho trusted so!

Master, master, do not leave    Faithless woman to deceive me, I

ENSEMBLEme, hear me, ere I go!         who trusted so!

FREDERICWhat shall I do?  Before these gentle maidens

FREDERICI dare not show in this alarming costume!

FREDERICNo, no, I must remain in close concealment

FREDERICUntil I can appear in decent clothing!

(Hides in cave as they enter climbing over the rocks and through

FREDERICarched rock)

GIRLSClimbing over rocky mountain,

GIRLSSkipping rivulet and fountain,

GIRLSPassing where the willows quiver,

GIRLSPassing where the willows quiver

GIRLSBy the ever-rolling river,

GIRLSSwollen with the summer rain, the summer rain

GIRLSThreading long and leafy mazes

GIRLSDotted with unnumbered daisies,

GIRLSDotted, dotted with unnumbered daisies,

GIRLSScaling rough and rugged passes,

GIRLSClimb the hardy little lasses,

GIRLSTill the bright sea-shore they gain;

GIRLSScaling rough and rugged passes,

GIRLSClimb the hardy little lasses,

GIRLSTill the bright sea-shore they gain!

EDITHLet us gaily tread the measure,

EDITHMake the most of fleeting leisure,

EDITHHail it as a true ally,

EDITHThough it perish by-and-by.

GIRLSHail it as a true ally,

GIRLSThough it perish by-and-by.

EDITHEvery moment brings a treasure

EDITHOf its own especial pleasure;

EDITHThough the moments quickly die,

EDITHGreet them gaily as they fly,

EDITHGreet them gaily as they fly.

GIRLSThough the moments quickly die,

GIRLSGreet them gaily as they fly.

KATEFar away from toil and care,

KATERevelling in fresh sea-air,

KATEHere we live and reign alone

KATEIn a world that's all our own.

KATEHere, in this our rocky den,

KATEFar away from mortal men,

KATEWe'll be queens, and make decrees—

KATEThey may honour them who please.

GIRLSWe'll be queens, and make decrees—

GIRLSThey may honour them who please.

GIRLSLet us gaily tread the measure, etc.

KATEWhat a picturesque spot! I wonder where we are!

EDITHAnd I wonder where Papa is.

EDITHWe have left him ever so

EDITHfar behind.

ISABELOh, he will be here presently! Remember poor Papa is

ISABELnot as young as we are, and we came over a rather

ISABELdifficult country.

KATEBut how thoroughly delightful it is to be so entirely

KATEalone! Why, in all probability we are the first human

KATEbeings who ever set foot on this enchanting spot.

ISABELExcept the mermaids—it's the very place for mermaids.

KATEWho are only human beings down to the waist—

EDITHAnd who can't be said strictly to set foot anywhere.

EDITHTails they may, but feet they cannot.

KATEBut what shall we do until Papa and the servants arrive

KATEwith the luncheon?

EDITHWe are quite alone, and the sea is as smooth as glass.

EDITHSuppose we take off our shoes and stockings and paddle?

ALL:Yes, yes!  The very thing!  (They prepare to carry, out

ALL:the suggestion.

ALL:They have all taken off one shoe, when

ALL:FREDERIC comes forward from cave)

FREDERIC(recitative).

FREDERICStop, ladies, pray!

GIRLS(Hopping on one foot)    A man!

FREDERICI had intended

FREDERICNot to intrude myself upon your notice

FREDERICIn this effective but alarming costume;

FREDERICBut under these peculiar circumstances,

FREDERICIt is my bounden duty to inform you

FREDERICThat your proceedings will not be unwitnessed!

EDITHBut who are you, sir?  Speak!  (All hopping)

FREDERICI am a pirate!

GIRLS(recoiling, hopping)     A pirate!  Horror!

FREDERICLadies, do not shun me!

FREDERICThis evening I renounce my vile profession;

FREDERICAnd, to that end, O pure and peerless maidens!

FREDERICOh, blushing buds of ever-blooming beauty!

FREDERICI, sore at heart, implore your kind assistance.

EDITHHow pitiful his tale!

KATEHow rare his beauty

GIRLSHow pitiful his tale!  How rare his beauty!

FREDERICOh, is there not one maiden breast

FREDERICWhich does not feel the moral beauty

FREDERICOf making worldly interest

FREDERICSubordinate to sense of duty?

FREDERICWho would not give up willingly

FREDERICAll matrimonial ambition,

FREDERICTo rescue such a one as I

FREDERICFrom his unfortunate position?

FREDERICFrom his position,

FREDERICTo rescue such an one as I

FREDERICFrom his unfortunate position?

GIRLSAlas!  there's not one maiden breast

GIRLSWhich seems to feel the moral beauty

GIRLSOf making worldly interest

GIRLSSubordinate to sense of duty!

FREDERICOh, is there not one maiden here

FREDERICWhose homely face and bad complexion

FREDERICHave caused all hope to disappear

FREDERICOf ever winning man's affection?

FREDERICOf such a one, if such there be,

FREDERICI swear by Heaven's arch above you,

FREDERICIf you will cast your eyes on me,

FREDERICHowever plain you be, I'll love you,

FREDERICHowever plain you be,

FREDERICIf you will cast your eyes on me,

FREDERICHowever plain you be I'll love you,

FREDERICI'll love you, I'll love, I'll love you!

GIRLSAlas! there's not one maiden here

GIRLSWhose homely face and bad complexion

GIRLSHave caused all hope to disappear

GIRLSOf ever winning man's affection!

FREDERIC(in despair)  Not one?

GIRLSNo, no— not one!

FREDERICNot one?

GIRLSNo, no!

MABEL(enters through arch)         Yes, one!

MABELYes, one!

GIRLS'Tis Mabel!

MABELYes, 'tis Mabel!

MABELOh, sisters, deaf to pity's name,

MABELFor shame!

MABELIt's true that he has gone astray,

MABELBut pray

MABELIs that a reason good and true

MABELWhy you

MABELShould all be deaf to pity's name?

(aside):

GIRLSThe question is, had he not been

GIRLSA thing of beauty,

GIRLSWould she be swayed by quite as keen

GIRLSA sense of duty?

MABELFor shame, for shame, for shame!

MABELPoor wand'ring one!

MABELThough thou hast surely strayed,

MABELTake heart of grace,

MABELThy steps retrace,

MABELPoor wand'ring one!

MABELIf such poor love as mine

MABELCan help thee find

MABELTrue peace of mind-

MABELWhy, take it, it is thine!

GIRLSTake heart, no danger low'rs;

GIRLSTake any heart but ours!

MABELTake heart, fair days will shine;

MABELTake any heart—take mine!

GIRLSTake heart; no danger low'rs;

GIRLSTake any heart-but ours!

MABELTake heart, fair days will shine;

MABELTake any heart—take mine!

MABELPoor wand'ring one!, etc.

MABEL(MABEL and FREDERIC go to mouth of cave and converse.

EDITHbeckons her sisters, who form a semicircle around her)

EDITHWhat ought we to do,

EDITHGentle sisters, say?

EDITHPropriety, we know,

EDITHSays we ought to stay;

EDITHWhile sympathy exclaims,

EDITH"Free them from your tether—

EDITHPlay at other games—

Leave them here together.

EDITH"

KATEHer case may, any day,

KATEBe yours, my dear, or mine.

KATELet her make her hay

KATEWhile the sun doth shine.

KATELet us compromise

KATE(Our hearts are not of leather):

KATELet us shut our eyes

KATEAnd talk about the weather.

GIRLSYes, yes, let's talk about the weather.

GIRLSChattering chorus

GIRLSHow beautifully blue the sky,

The glass is rising very high,

GIRLSContinue fine I hope it may,

GIRLSAnd yet it rained but yesterday.

GIRLSTo-morrow it may pour again

GIRLS(I hear the country wants some rain),

GIRLSYet people say, I know not why,

GIRLSThat we shall have a warm July.

GIRLSTo-morrow it may pour again

GIRLS(I hear the country wants some rain),

GIRLSYet people say, I know not why,

GIRLSThat we shall have a warm July.

Enter MABEL and FREDERIC

GIRLSDuring MABEL's solo the GIRLS continue chatter pianissimo, but

GIRLSlistening eagerly all the time.

MABELDid ever maiden wake

MABELFrom dream of homely duty,

MABELTo find her daylight break

MABELWith such exceeding beauty?

MABELDid ever maiden close

MABELHer eyes on waking sadness,

MABELTo dream of such exceeding gladness?

FREDERICAh, yes!  ah, yes! this is exceeding gladness

GIRLSHow beautifully blue the sky, etc.

FREDERICDuring this, GIRLS continue their chatter pianissimo as before,

FREDERICbut listening intently all the time.

FREDERICDid ever pirate roll

FREDERICHis soul in guilty dreaming,

FREDERICAnd wake to find that soul

FREDERICWith peace and virtue beaming?

SYSTEMFREDERIC                MABEL                  GIRLS

ENSEMBLEDid ever pirate       Did ever maiden wake   How beautifully blue

ENSEMBLEloathed          From dream of homely        the sky, etc.

ENSEMBLEForsake his hideous        duty,

ENSEMBLEmission          To find her daylight

ENSEMBLETo find himself            break

ENSEMBLEbetrothed        With such exceeding

ENSEMBLETo lady of position?       beauty?

FREDERICStay, we must not lose our senses;

FREDERICMen who stick at no offences

FREDERICWill anon be here!

FREDERICPiracy their dreadful trade is;

FREDERICPray you, get you hence, young ladies,

FREDERICWhile the coast is clear

FREDERIC and MABEL retire

GIRLSNo, we must not lose our senses,

GIRLSIf they stick at no offences

GIRLSWe should not be here!

GIRLSPiracy their dreadful trade is—

GIRLSNice companions for young ladies!

GIRLSLet us disap—.

GIRLS(During this chorus the PIRATES have entered stealthily, and

GIRLSformed in a semicircle behind the GIRLS.

GIRLSAs the GIRLS move

GIRLSto go off, each PIRATE seizes a GIRL.

GIRLSKING seizes EDITH and

GIRLSISABEL, SAMUEL seizes KATE)

GIRLSToo late!

PIRATESHa, ha!

GIRLSToo late!

PIRATESHo, ho!

PIRATESHa, ha, ha, ha!  Ho, ho, ho, ho!

ENSEMBLE(Pirates pass in front of        (Girls pass in front of

ENSEMBLEGirls)                          Pirates)

SYSTEMPIRATES                            GIRLS

ENSEMBLEHere's a first-rate opportunity  We have missed our opportunity

ENSEMBLETo get married with impunity,    Of escaping with impunity;

ENSEMBLEAnd indulge in the felicity      So farewell to the felicity

ENSEMBLEOf unbounded domesticity.

ENSEMBLEOf our maiden domesticity!

ENSEMBLEYou shall quickly be             We shall quickly be

ENSEMBLEparsonified,                     parsonified,

ENSEMBLEConjugally matrimonified,        Conjugally matrimonified,

ENSEMBLEBy a doctor of divinity          By a doctor of divinity,

ENSEMBLEWho is located in this           Who is located in this

ENSEMBLEvicinity.

ENSEMBLEBy a doctor of divinity,         By a doctor of divinity,

ENSEMBLEWho resides in this vicinity,    Who resides in this vicinity,

ENSEMBLEBy a doctor, a doctor, a doctor  By a doctor, a doctor, a doctor

ENSEMBLEof divinity, of divinity.

MABEL(coming forward)  Hold, monsters!  Ere your pirate

MABELcaravanserai

MABELProceed, against our will, to wed us all,

MABELJust bear in mind that we are Wards in Chancery,

MABELAnd father is a Major-General!

SAMUEL(cowed)  We'd better pause, or danger may befall,

SAMUELTheir father is a Major-General.

GIRLSYes, yes; he is a Major-General!

The MAJOR-GENERAL has entered unnoticed, on the rock

GENERALYes, yes, I am a Major-General!

SAMUELFor he is a Major-General!

ALL:He is!  Hurrah for the Major-General!

GENERALAnd it is, it is a glorious thing

GENERALTo be a Major-General!

ALL:It is!  Hurrah for the Major-General!

ALL:Hurrah for the Major-General!

GENERALI am the very model of a modern Major-General,

GENERALI've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,

GENERALI know the kings of England, and I quote the fights

GENERALhistorical

GENERALFrom Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;

GENERALI'm very well acquainted, too, with matters

GENERALmathematical,

GENERALI understand equations, both the simple and

GENERALquadratical,

GENERALAbout binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,

GENERALWith many cheerful facts about the square of the

GENERALhypotenuse.

ALL:With many cheerful facts, etc.

GENERALI'm very good at integral and differential calculus;

GENERALI know the scientific names of beings animalculous:

GENERALIn short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,

GENERALI am the very model of a modern Major-General.

ALL:In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,

ALL:He is the very model of a modern Major-General.

GENERALI know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir

GENERALCaradoc's;

GENERALI answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for

GENERALparadox,

GENERALI quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,

GENERALIn conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous;

GENERALI can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and

GENERALZoffanies,

GENERALI know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of

GENERALAristophanes!

GENERALThen I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's

GENERALdin afore,

GENERALAnd whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense

GENERALPinafore.

ALL:And whistle all the airs, etc.

GENERALThen I can write a washing bill in

GENERALBabylonic cuneiform,

GENERALAnd tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform:

GENERALIn short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,

GENERALI am the very model of a modern Major-General.

ALL:In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,

ALL:He is the very model of a modern Major-General.

GENERALIn fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and

GENERAL"ravelin",

GENERALWhen I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin,

GENERALWhen such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more

GENERALwary at,

GENERALAnd when I know precisely what is meant by

GENERAL"commissariat",

GENERALWhen I have learnt what progress has been made in

GENERALmodern gunnery,

GENERALWhen I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery-

GENERALIn short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy,

GENERALYou'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee.

ALL:You'll say a better Major-General, etc.

GENERALFor my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and

GENERALadventury,

GENERALHas only been brought down to the beginning of the

GENERALcentury;

GENERALBut still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,

GENERALI am the very model of a modern Major-General.

ALL:But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,

ALL:He is the very model of a modern Major-General.

GENERALAnd now that I've introduced myself, I should like to

GENERALhave some idea of what's going on.

KATEOh, Papa—  we—-

SAMUELPermit me, I'll explain in two words:

SAMUELwe propose to

SAMUELmarry your daughters.

GENERALDear me!

GIRLSAgainst our wills, Papa—against our wills!

GENERALOh, but you mustn't do that!  May I ask—  this is a

GENERALpicturesque uniform, but I'm not familiar with it.

GENERALWhat are you?

KINGWe are all single gentlemen.

GENERALYes, I gathered that.

GENERALAnything else?

KINGNo, nothing else.

EDITHPapa, don't believe them; they are pirates—  the

EDITHfamous Pirates of Penzance!

GENERALThe Pirates of Penzance!  I have often heard of them.

MABELAll except this gentleman (indicating FREDERIC), who

MABELwas a pirate once, but who is out of his indentures to-

MABELday, and who means to lead a blameless life evermore.

GENERALBut wait a bit.

GENERALI object to pirates as sons-in-law.

KINGWe object to major-generals as fathers-in-law.

KINGBut we

waive that point.

KINGWe do not press it.

KINGWe look over it.

GENERAL(aside)  Hah! an idea!  (aloud)  And do you mean to say

GENERALthat you would deliberately rob me of these, the sole

remaining props of my old age, and leave me to go

GENERALthrough the remainder of my life unfriended,

GENERALunprotected, and alone?

KINGWell, yes, that's the idea.

GENERALTell me, have you ever known what it is to be an

GENERALorphan?

PIRATES(disgusted)  Oh, dash it all!

KINGHere we are again!

GENERALI ask you, have you ever known what it is to be an

GENERALorphan?

KINGOften!

GENERALYes, orphan.

GENERALHave you ever known what it is to be one?

KINGI say, often.

ALL:(disgusted)  Often, often, often.

Turning away

GENERALI don't think we quite understand one another.

GENERALI ask

GENERALyou, have you ever known what it is to be an orphan,

GENERALand you say "orphan".

GENERALAs I understand you, you are

GENERALmerely repeating the word "orphan" to show that you

GENERALunderstand me.

KINGI didn't repeat the word often.

GENERALPardon me, you did indeed.

KINGI only repeated it once.

GENERALTrue, but you repeated it.

KINGBut not often.

GENERALStop!  I think I see where we are getting confused.

GENERALWhen you said "orphan", did you mean "orphan", a person

GENERALwho has lost his parents, or "often", frequently?

KINGAh! I beg pardon—  I see what you mean — frequently.

GENERALAh! you said "often", frequently.

KINGNo, only once.

GENERAL(irritated)  Exactly—  you said "often", frequently,

GENERALonly once.

SYSTEMFINALE OF ACT I

GENERALOh, men of dark and dismal fate,

GENERALForgo your cruel employ,

GENERALHave pity on my lonely state,

GENERALI am an orphan boy!

KINGAn orphan boy?

GENERALAn orphan boy!

PIRATESHow sad, an orphan boy.

GENERALThese children whom you see

GENERALAre all that I can call my own!

PIRATESPoor fellow!

GENERALTake them away from me,

GENERALAnd I shall be indeed alone.

PIRATESPoor fellow!

GENERALIf pity you can feel,

GENERALLeave me my sole remaining joy—

See, at your feet they kneel;

GENERALYour hearts you cannot steel

GENERALAgainst the sad, sad tale of the lonely orphan boy!

PIRATES(sobbing)      Poor fellow!

See at our feet they kneel;

PIRATESOur hearts we cannot steel

PIRATESAgainst the sad, sad tale of the lonely orphan boy!

SAMUELThe orphan boy!

SAMUELadd KING:

SAMUELThe orphan boy!

See at our feet they kneel;

SAMUELOur hearts we cannot steel

SAMUELAgainst the tale of the lonely orphan boy!

PIRATESPoor fellow!

GENERAL (aside)           GIRLS (aside)           PIRATES

aside

ENSEMBLEI'm telling a terrible   He is telling a terrible If he's telling

ENSEMBLEa

ENSEMBLEstory                    story,                   terrible

ENSEMBLEstory

ENSEMBLEBut it doesn't diminish  Which will tend to       He shall die by

ENSEMBLEa death

ENSEMBLEmy glory;                diminish his             that is gory

ENSEMBLEFor they would have           glory;              Yes, one of the

ENSEMBLEtaken my daughters  Though they would have        cruellest

ENSEMBLEOver the billowy waters,      taken his                slaughters

ENSEMBLEdaughters           That ever were

ENSEMBLEknown in

ENSEMBLEOver the billowy waters,      these

ENSEMBLEwaters;

ENSEMBLEIf I hadn't, in elegant  It is easy, in elegant   It is easy, in

ENSEMBLEelegant

ENSEMBLEdiction,                 diction.

ENSEMBLEdiction,

ENSEMBLEIndulged in an innocent  To call it an innocent   To call it an

ENSEMBLEinnocent

ENSEMBLEfiction,                 fiction,                 fiction

ENSEMBLEWhich is not in the same But it comes in the same But it comes in

ENSEMBLEthe same

ENSEMBLEcategory                 category                 category

ENSEMBLEAs a regular terrible    As telling a regular     As telling a

ENSEMBLEregular

ENSEMBLEstory.

ENSEMBLEterrible story.

ENSEMBLEterrible

ENSEMBLEstory.

KINGAlthough our dark career

KINGSometimes involves the crime of stealing,

KINGWe rather think that we're

KINGNot altogether void of feeling.

KINGAlthough we live by strife,

KINGWe're always sorry to begin it,

KINGFor what, we ask, is life

KINGWithout a touch of Poetry in it?

all kneel

ALL:Hail, Poetry, thou heav'n-born maid!

ALL:Thou gildest e'en the pirate's trade.

ALL:Hail, flowing fount of sentiment!

ALL:All hail, all hail, divine emollient!

all rise

KINGYou may go, for you're at liberty, our pirate rules

KINGprotect you,

KINGAnd honorary members of our band we do elect you!

SAMUELFor he is an orphan boy!

CHORUSHe is!  Hurrah for the orphan boy!

GENERALAnd it sometimes is a useful thing

GENERALTo be an orphan boy.

CHORUSIt is!  Hurrah for the orphan boy!

CHORUSHurrah for the orphan boy!

ENSEMBLE:Oh, happy day, with joyous glee

ENSEMBLE:They will away and married be!

ENSEMBLE:Should it befall auspiciously,

ENSEMBLE:Her (Our) sisters all will bridesmaids be!

RUTH enters and comes down to FREDERIC

RUTHOh, master, hear one word, I do implore you!

RUTHRemember Ruth, your Ruth, who kneels before you!

PIRATESYes, yes, remember Ruth, who kneels before you!

FREDERICAway, you did deceive me!

PIRATES(Threatening RUTH)  Away, you did deceive him!

RUTHOh, do not leave me!

PIRATESOh, do not leave her!

FREDERICAway, you grieve me!

PIRATESAway, you grieve him!

FREDERICI wish you'd leave me!  (FREDERIC casts RUTH from him)

PIRATESWe wish you'd leave him!

MEN                           WOMENPray observe the magnanimity     Pray observe the magnanimity

MEN                           WOMENWe display to lace and dimity!   They display to lace and

MEN                           WOMENdimity!

MEN                           WOMENNever was such opportunity       Never was such opportunity

MEN                           WOMENTo get married with impunity,    To get married with impunity,

MEN                           WOMENBut we give up the felicity      But they give up the felicity

MEN                           WOMENOf unbounded domesticity,        Of unbounded domesticity,

MEN                           WOMENThough a doctor of divinity      Though a doctor of divinity

MEN                           WOMENIs located in this vicinity.

MEN                           WOMEN(GIRLS and MAJOR-GENERAL go up rocks, while PIRATES indulge in a

MEN                           WOMENwild dance of delight on stage.

MEN                           WOMENThe MAJOR-GENERAL produces

MEN                           WOMENa British flag, and the PIRATE KING, in arched rock,

MEN                           WOMENproduces a black flag with skull and crossbones.

Enter

MEN                           WOMENRUTH, who makes a final appeal to FREDERIC, who casts her

MEN                           WOMENfrom him)

SYSTEMACT II

END OF ACT I(Scene.

END OF ACT I-A ruined chapel by moonlight.

END OF ACT IAisles C.

Rand L.

Rdivided by pillars and arches, ruined Gothic windows at

Rback.

RMAJOR-GENERAL STANLEY discovered seated R.

Cpensively, surrounded by his daughters)

CHORUSOh, dry the glist'ning tear

CHORUSThat dews that martial cheek,

CHORUSThy loving children hear,

CHORUSIn them thy comfort seek.

CHORUSWith sympathetic care

CHORUSTheir arms around thee creep,

CHORUSFor oh, they cannot bear

CHORUSTo see their father weep!

Enter MABEL

Dear father, why leave your bed

MABELAt this untimely hour,

MABELWhen happy daylight is dead,

MABELAnd darksome dangers low'r?

MABELSee, heav'n has lit her lamp,

MABELThe midnight hour is past,

MABELAnd the chilly night-air is damp,

MABELAnd the dews are falling fast!

Dear father, why leave your bed

MABELWhen happy daylight is dead?

GIRLSOh, dry the glist'ning tear, etc.

FREDERIC enters

MABELOh, Frederic, cannot you, in the calm excellence of

MABELyour wisdom, reconcile it with your conscience to say

MABELsomething that will relieve my father's sorrow?

FREDERICI will try, dear Mabel.

FREDERICBut why does he sit, night

FREDERICafter night, in this draughty old ruin?

GENERALWhy do I sit here?  To escape from the pirates'

GENERALclutches, I described myself as an orphan; and, heaven

GENERALhelp me, I am no orphan!  I come here to humble myself

GENERALbefore the tombs of my ancestors, and to implore their

GENERALpardon for having brought dishonour on the family

GENERALescutcheon.

FREDERICBut you forget, sir, you only bought the property a

FREDERICyear ago, and the stucco on your baronial castle is

FREDERICscarcely dry.

GENERALFrederic, in this chapel are ancestors:

GENERALyou cannot deny

GENERALthat.

GENERALWith the estate, I bought the chapel and its

GENERALcontents.

GENERALI don't know whose ancestors they were, but

GENERALI know whose ancestors they are, and I shudder to think

GENERALthat their descendant by purchase (if I may so describe

GENERALmyself) should have brought disgrace upon what, I have

GENERALno doubt, was an unstained escutcheon.

FREDERICBe comforted.

FREDERICHad you not acted as you did, these

FREDERICreckless men would assuredly have called in the nearest

FREDERICclergyman, and have married your large family on the

FREDERICspot.

GENERALI thank you for your proffered solace, but it is

GENERALunavailing.

GENERALI assure you, Frederic, that such is the

GENERALanguish and remorse I feel at the abominable falsehood

GENERALby which I escaped these easily deluded pirates, that I

GENERALwould go to their simple-minded chief this very night

GENERALand confess all, did I not fear that the consequences

GENERALwould be most disastrous to myself.

GENERALAt what time does

GENERALyour expedition march against these scoundrels?

FREDERICAt eleven, and before midnight I hope to have atoned

FREDERICfor my involuntary association with the pestilent

FREDERICscourges by sweeping them from the face of the earth—

FREDERICand then, dear Mabel, you will be mine!

GENERALAre your devoted followers at hand?

FREDERICThey are, they only wait my orders.

GENERALThen, Frederic, let your escort lion-hearted

GENERALBe summoned to receive a gen'ral's blessing,

GENERALEre they depart upon their dread adventure.

FREDERICDear, sir, they come.

(Enter POLICE, marching in single file.

FREDERICThey form in line, facing

FREDERICaudience)

SERGEANTWhen the foeman bares his steel,

SERGEANTTarantara!  tarantara!

SERGEANTWe uncomfortable feel,

SERGEANTTarantara!

SERGEANTAnd we find the wisest thing,

SERGEANTTarantara!  tarantara!

SERGEANTIs to slap our chests and sing,

SERGEANTTarantara!

SERGEANTFor when threatened with -meutes,

SERGEANTTarantara! tarantara!

SERGEANTAnd your heart is in your boots,

SERGEANTTarantara!

SERGEANTThere is nothing brings it round

SERGEANTLike the trumpet's martial sound,

SERGEANTLike the trumpet's martial sound

SERGEANTTarantara! tarantara!, etc.

MABELGo, ye heroes, go to glory,

MABELThough you die in combat gory,

MABELYe shall live in song and story.

MABELGo to immortality!

MABELGo to death, and go to slaughter;

MABELDie, and every Cornish daughter

MABELWith her tears your grave shall water.

MABELGo, ye heroes, go and die!

GIRLSGo, ye heroes, go and die!  Go, ye heroes, go and die!

POLICEThough to us it's evident,

POLICETarantara!  tarantara!

POLICEThese attentions are well meant,

POLICETarantara!

POLICESuch expressions don't appear,

POLICETarantara!  tarantara!

POLICECalculated men to cheer

POLICETarantara!

POLICEWho are going to meet their fate

POLICEIn a highly nervous state.

POLICETarantara! tarantara! tarantara!

POLICEStill to us it's evident

POLICEThese attentions are well meant.

POLICETarantara! tarantara! tarantara!

EDITHGo and do your best endeavour,

EDITHAnd before all links we sever,

EDITHWe will say farewell for-ever.

EDITHGo to glory and the grave!

GIRLSFor your foes are fierce and ruthless,

GIRLSFalse, unmerciful, and truthless;

GIRLSYoung and tender, old and toothless,

GIRLSAll in vain their mercy crave.

SERGEANTWe observe too great a stress,

SERGEANTOn the risks that on us press,

SERGEANTAnd of reference a lack

SERGEANTTo our chance of coming back.

SERGEANTStill, perhaps it would be wise

SERGEANTNot to carp or criticise,

SERGEANTFor it's very evident

SERGEANTThese attentions are well meant.

POLICEYes, it's very evident

POLICEThese attentions are well meant,

POLICEEvident, yes, well meant, evident

POLICEAh, yes, well meant!

ENSEMBLEChorus of all but Police                  Chorus of Police

ENSEMBLEGo and do your best endeavour,        Such expressions don't

ENSEMBLEappear,

ENSEMBLEAnd before all links we sever                    Tarantara,

ENSEMBLEtarantara!

ENSEMBLEWe will say farewell for ever.

ENSEMBLECalculated men to cheer,

ENSEMBLEGo to glory and the grave!                  Tarantara!

ENSEMBLEFor your foes and fierce and          Who are going to their fate,

ENSEMBLEruthless,                                   Tarantara,

ENSEMBLEtarantara!

ENSEMBLEFalse, unmerciful, and                In a highly nervous state—

ENSEMBLEtruthless.

ENSEMBLETarantara!

ENSEMBLEYoung and tender, old and             We observe too great a

ENSEMBLEstress,

ENSEMBLEtoothless,                                  Tarantara,

ENSEMBLEtarantara!

ENSEMBLEAll in vain their mercy crave.

ENSEMBLEOn the risks that on us

ENSEMBLEpress,

ENSEMBLETarantara!

ENSEMBLEAnd of reference a lack,

ENSEMBLETarantara,

ENSEMBLEtarantara!

ENSEMBLETo our chance of coming back,

ENSEMBLETarantara!

GENERALAway, away!

POLICE(without moving)    Yes, yes, we go.

GENERALThese pirates slay.

POLICETarantara!

GENERALThen do not stay.

POLICETarantara!

GENERALThen why this delay?

POLICEAll right, we go.

ALL:Yes, forward on the foe!

GENERALYes, but you don't go!

POLICEWe go, we go

ALL:Yes, forward on the foe!

GENERALYes, but you don't go!

POLICEWe go, we go

ALL:At last they go!

ALL:At last they really go!

(Exeunt POLICE.

MABEL tears herself from FREDERIC and exits,

ALL:followed by her sisters, consoling her.

ALL:The MAJOR-GENERAL

ALL:and others follow the POLICE off.

ALL:FREDERIC remains alone)

FREDERICNow for the pirates' lair!  Oh, joy unbounded!

FREDERICOh, sweet relief!  Oh, rapture unexampled!

FREDERICAt last I may atone, in some slight measure,

FREDERICFor the repeated acts of theft and pillage

FREDERICWhich, at a sense of duty's stern dictation,

FREDERICI, circumstance's victim, have been guilty!

PIRATE KING and RUTH appear at the window, armed

KINGYoung Frederic!  (Covering him with pistol)

FREDERICWho calls?

KINGYour late commander!

RUTHAnd I, your little Ruth!  (Covering him with pistol)

FREDERICOh, mad intruders,

FREDERICHow dare ye face me?  Know ye not, oh rash ones,

FREDERICThat I have doomed you to extermination?

KING and RUTH hold a pistol to each ear

KINGHave mercy on us!  hear us, ere you slaughter!

FREDERICI do not think I ought to listen to you.

FREDERICYet, mercy should alloy our stern resentment,

FREDERICAnd so I will be merciful—  say on!

FREDERICTRIO—RUTH, KING, and FREDERIC

RUTHWhen you had left our pirate fold,

RUTHWe tried to raise our spirits faint,

RUTHAccording to our custom old,

RUTHWith quips and quibbles quaint.

RUTHBut all in vain the quips we heard,

RUTHWe lay and sobbed upon the rocks,

RUTHUntil to somebody occurred

RUTHA startling paradox.

FREDERICA paradox?

KING(laughing)     A paradox!

RUTHA most ingenious paradox!

RUTHWe've quips and quibbles heard in flocks,

RUTHBut none to beat this paradox!

RUTHA paradox, a paradox,

RUTHA most ingenious paradox!

RUTHHa! ha! ha! ha!  Ha! ha! ha! ha!

KINGWe knew your taste for curious quips,

KINGFor cranks and contradictions queer;

KINGAnd with the laughter on our lips,

KINGWe wished you there to hear.

KINGWe said, "If we could tell it him,

KINGHow Frederic would the joke enjoy!"

KINGAnd so we've risked both life and limb

KINGTo tell it to our boy.

FREDERIC(interested).

FREDERICThat paradox?  That paradox?

FREDERICKING and RUTH:

FREDERIC(laughing)     That most ingenious paradox!

FREDERICWe've quips and quibbles heard in flocks,

FREDERICBut none to beat this paradox!

FREDERICA paradox, a paradox,

FREDERICA most ingenious paradox!

FREDERICHa! ha! ha! ha!  Ho! ho! ho! ho!

KINGFor some ridiculous reason, to which, however, I've no desire to

KINGbe disloyal,

KINGSome person in authority, I don't know who, very likely the

KINGAstronomer Royal,

KINGHas decided that, although for such a beastly month as February,

KINGtwenty-eight days as a rule are plenty,

KINGOne year in every four his days shall be reckoned as nine and-

KINGtwenty.

KINGThrough some singular coincidence— I shouldn't be surprised if

KINGit were owing to the agency of an ill-natured fairy—

KINGYou are the victim of this clumsy arrangement, having been born

KINGin leap-year, on the twenty-ninth of February;

KINGAnd so, by a simple arithmetical process, you'll easily discover,

KINGThat though you've lived twenty-one years, yet, if we go by

KINGbirthdays, you're only five and a little bit over!

RUTHHa! ha! ha! ha!

KINGHo! ho! ho! ho!

FREDERICDear me!

FREDERICLet's see!  (counting on fingers)

FREDERICYes, yes; with yours my figures do agree!

ALL:Ha! ha! ha! ho! ho! ho! ho!

FREDERIC(more amused than any)  How quaint the ways of Paradox!

FREDERICAt common sense she gaily mocks!

FREDERICThough counting in the usual way,

FREDERICYears twenty-one I've been alive,

FREDERICYet, reck'ning by my natal day,

FREDERICI am a little boy of five!

KINGHe is a little boy of five!

KINGHa! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!

ALL:A paradox, a paradox,

ALL:A most ingenious paradox!

ALL:Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!, etc.

(RUTH and KING throw themselves back on seats, exhausted with

ALL:laughter)

FREDERICUpon my word, this is most curious—  most absurdly

FREDERICwhimsical.

FREDERICFive-and-a-quarter!  No one would think it

FREDERICto look at me!

RUTHYou are glad now, I'll be bound, that you spared us.

RUTHYou would never have forgiven yourself when you

RUTHdiscovered that you had killed two of your comrades.

FREDERICMy comrades?

(rises)  I'm afraid you don't appreciate the delicacy

KINGof your position:

KINGYou were apprenticed to us—

FREDERICUntil I reached my twenty-first year.

KINGNo, until you reached your twenty-first birthday

KING(producing document), and, going by birthdays, you are

KINGas yet only five-and-a-quarter.

FREDERICYou don't mean to say you are going to hold me to that?

No, we merely remind you of the fact, and leave the

KINGrest to your sense of duty.

RUTHYour sense of duty!

FREDERIC(wildly)  Don't put it on that footing!  As I was

FREDERICmerciful to you just now, be merciful to me!  I implore

FREDERICyou not to insist on the letter of your bond just as

FREDERICthe cup of happiness is at my lips!

RUTHWe insist on nothing; we content ourselves with

pointing out to you your duty.

KINGYour duty!

FREDERIC(after a pause)  Well, you have appealed to my sense of

FREDERICduty, and my duty is only too clear.

FREDERICI abhor your

FREDERICinfamous calling; I shudder at the thought that I have

FREDERICever been mixed up with it; but duty is before all —

FREDERICat any price I will do my duty.

KINGBravely spoken!  Come, you are one of us once more.

FREDERICLead on, I follow.

FREDERIC(Suddenly)  Oh, horror!

KINGWhat is the matter?

FREDERICOught I to tell you?  No, no, I cannot do it; and yet,

FREDERICas one of your band—

KINGSpeak out, I charge you by that sense of

KINGconscientiousness to which we have never yet appealed

KINGin vain.

FREDERICGeneral Stanley, the father of my Mabel—

KINGYes, yes!

FREDERICHe escaped from you on the plea that he was an orphan?

KINGHe did.

FREDERICIt breaks my heart to betray the honoured father of the

FREDERICgirl I adore, but as your apprentice I have no

FREDERICalternative.

FREDERICIt is my duty to tell you that General

FREDERICStanley is no orphan!

KINGWhat!

FREDERICMore than that, he never was one!

KINGAm I to understand that, to save his contemptible life,

KINGhe dared to practice on our credulous simplicity?

(FREDERIC nods as he weeps)  Our revenge shall be swift

KINGand terrible.

KINGWe will go and collect our band and

KINGattack Tremorden Castle this very night.

FREDERICBut stay—

KINGNot a word!  He is doomed!

TRIOKING and RUTH:

FREDERICAway, away! my heart's on fire;       Away, away! ere I expire—

FREDERICI burn, this base deception to        I find my duty hard to

FREDERICdo to-

FREDERICrepay.

FREDERICday!

FREDERICThis very night my vengeance dire     My heart is filled with

FREDERICanguish dire,

FREDERICShall glut itself in gore.

FREDERICIt strikes me to the

FREDERICcore.

FREDERICAway, away!                           Away, away!

KINGWith falsehood foul

KINGHe tricked us of our brides.

KINGLet vengeance howl;

KINGThe Pirate so decides.

KINGOur nature stern

KINGHe softened with his lies,

KINGAnd, in return,

KINGTo-night the traitor dies.

ALL:Yes, yes!  to-night the traitor dies!

RUTHTo-night he dies!

KINGYes, or early to-morrow.

FREDERICHis girls likewise?

RUTHThey will welter in sorrow.

KINGThe one soft spot

RUTHIn their natures they cherish—

FREDERICAnd all who plot

KINGTo abuse it shall perish!

ALL:To-night he dies, etc.

(Exeunt KING and RUTH.

FREDERIC throws himself on a stone in

ALL:blank despair.

Enter MABEL)

MABELAll is prepared, your gallant crew await you.

MABELMy Frederic in tears?  It cannot be

MABELThat lion-heart quails at the coming conflict?

FREDERICNo, Mabel, no.

FREDERICA terrible disclosure

FREDERICHas just been made.

FREDERICMabel, my dearly-loved one,

FREDERICI bound myself to serve the pirate captain

FREDERICUntil I reached my one-and-twentieth birthday—

MABELBut you are twenty-one?

FREDERICI've just discovered

FREDERICThat I was born in leap-year, and that birthday

FREDERICWill not be reached by me till nineteen forty!

MABELOh, horrible!  catastrophe appalling!

FREDERICAnd so, farewell!

MABELNo, no!

MABELAh, Frederic, hear me.

MABELDUET—MABEL and FREDERIC

MABELStay, Fred'ric, stay!

MABELThey have no legal claim,

MABELNo shadow of a shame

Will fall upon thy name.

MABELStay, Frederic, stay!

FREDERICNay, Mabel, nay!

FREDERICTo-night I quit these walls,

FREDERICThe thought my soul appalls,

FREDERICBut when stern Duty calls,

FREDERICI must obey.

MABELStay, Fred'ric, stay!

FREDERICNay, Mabel, nay!

MABELThey have no claim—

FREDERICBut Duty's name.

FREDERICThe thought my soul appalls,

FREDERICBut when stern Duty calls,

MABELStay, Fred'ric, stay!

FREDERICI must obey.

Ah, leave me not to pine

MABELAlone and desolate;

MABELNo fate seemed fair as mine,

MABELNo happiness so great!

MABELAnd Nature, day by day,

MABELHas sung in accents clear

MABELThis joyous roundelay,

MABEL"He loves thee— he is here.

MABELFa-la, la-la,

MABELFa-la, la-la.

MABELHe loves thee— he is here.

MABELFa-la, la-la, Fa-la.

MABEL"

Ah, must I leave thee here

FREDERICIn endless night to dream,

FREDERICWhere joy is dark and drear,

FREDERICAnd sorrow all supreme—

FREDERICWhere nature, day by day,

FREDERICWill sing, in altered tone,

FREDERICThis weary roundelay,

FREDERIC"He loves thee— he is gone.

FREDERICFa-la, la-la,

FREDERICFa-la, la-la.

FREDERICHe loves thee— he is gone.

FREDERICFa-la, la-la, Fa-la.

FREDERIC"

FREDERICIn 1940 I of age shall be,

FREDERICI'll then return, and claim you—I declare it!

MABELIt seems so long!

FREDERICSwear that, till then, you will be true to me.

MABELYes, I'll be strong!

MABELBy all the Stanleys dead and gone, I swear it!

ENSEMBLEOh, here is love, and here is truth,

ENSEMBLEAnd here is food for joyous laughter:

ENSEMBLEHe (she) will be faithful to his (her) sooth

ENSEMBLETill we are wed, and even after.

ENSEMBLEOh, here is love, etc.

FREDERIC rushes to window and leaps out

MABEL(almost fainting)  No, I am brave!  Oh, family descent,

MABELHow great thy charm, thy sway how excellent!

MABELCome one and all, undaunted men in blue,

MABELA crisis, now, affairs are coming to!

Enter POLICE, marching in single file

SERGEANTThough in body and in mind

POLICETarantara!  tarantara!

SERGEANTWe are timidly inclined,

POLICETarantara!

SERGEANTAnd anything but blind

POLICETarantara!  tarantara!

SERGEANTTo the danger that's behind,

POLICETarantara!

SERGEANTYet, when the danger's near,

POLICETarantara! tarantara!

SERGEANTWe manage to appear

POLICETarantara!

SERGEANTAs insensible to fear

SERGEANTAs anybody here,

SERGEANTAs anybody here.

POLICETarantara! tarantara!, etc.

MABELSergeant, approach!  Young Frederic was to have led you

MABELto death and glory.

POLICEThat is not a pleasant way of putting it.

MABELNo matter; he will not so lead you, for he has allied

MABELhimself once more with his old associates.

POLICEHe has acted shamefully!

MABELYou speak falsely.

MABELYou know nothing about it.

MABELHe has

MABELacted nobly.

POLICEHe has acted nobly!

MABELDearly as I loved him before, his heroic sacrifice to

MABELhis sense of duty has endeared him to me tenfold; but

MABELif it was his duty to constitute himself my foe, it is

MABELlikewise my duty to regard him in that light.

MABELHe has

MABELdone his duty.

MABELI will do mine.

MABELGo ye and do yours.

Exit MABEL

POLICERight oh!

SERGEANTThis is perplexing.

POLICEWe cannot understand it at all.

SERGEANTStill, as he is actuated by a sense of duty—

POLICEThat makes a difference, of course.

POLICEAt the same time,

POLICEwe repeat, we cannot understand it at all.

SERGEANTNo matter.

SERGEANTOur course is clear:

SERGEANTwe must do our best

SERGEANTto capture these pirates alone.

SERGEANTIt is most distressing

SERGEANTto us to be the agents whereby our erring fellow-

SERGEANTcreatures are deprived of that liberty which is so dear

SERGEANTto us all— but we should have thought of that before

SERGEANTwe joined the force.

POLICEWe should!

SERGEANTIt is too late now!

POLICEIt is!

SERGEANTWhen a felon's not engaged in his employment

POLICEHis employment

SERGEANTOr maturing his felonious little plans,

POLICELittle plans,

SERGEANTHis capacity for innocent enjoyment

POLICE'Cent enjoyment

SERGEANTIs just as great as any honest man's.

POLICEHonest man's.

SERGEANTOur feelings we with difficulty smother

POLICE'Culty smother

SERGEANTWhen constabulary duty's to be done.

POLICETo be done.

SERGEANTAh, take one consideration with another,

POLICEWith another,

SERGEANTA policeman's lot is not a happy one.

ALL:Ah, when constabulary duty's to be done, to be

ALL:done,

ALL:A policeman's lot is not a happy one, happy one.

SERGEANTWhen the enterprising burglar's not a-burgling

POLICENot a-burgling

SERGEANTWhen the cut-throat isn't occupied in crime,

POLICE'Pied in crime,

SERGEANTHe loves to hear the little brook a-gurgling

POLICEBrook a-gurgling

SERGEANTAnd listen to the merry village chime.

POLICEVillage chime.

SERGEANTWhen the coster's finished jumping on his mother,

POLICEOn his mother,

SERGEANTHe loves to lie a-basking in the sun.

POLICEIn the sun.

SERGEANTAh, take one consideration with another,

POLICEWith another,

SERGEANTA policeman's lot is not a happy one.

ALL:Ah, when constabulary duty's to be done, to be

ALL:done,

ALL:A policeman's lot is not a happy one, happy one.

Chorus of Pirates without, in the distance

ALL:A rollicking band of pirates we,

ALL:Who, tired of tossing on the sea,

ALL:Are trying their hand at a burglaree,

ALL:With weapons grim and gory.

SERGEANTHush, hush!  I hear them on the manor poaching,

SERGEANTWith stealthy step the pirates are approaching.

Chorus of Pirates, resumed nearer

SERGEANTWe are not coming for plate or gold;

SERGEANTA story General Stanley's told;

SERGEANTWe seek a penalty fifty-fold,

SERGEANTFor General Stanley's story.

POLICEThey seek a penalty

PIRATESFifty-fold!

PIRATESWe seek a penalty

POLICEFifty-fold!

ALL:They (We) seek a penalty fifty-fold,

ALL:For General Stanley's story.

SERGEANTThey come in force, with stealthy stride,

Our obvious course is now—to hide.

POLICETarantara!  Tarantara!  etc.

POLICE(Police conceal themselves in aisle.

POLICEAs they do so, the Pirates,

POLICEwith RUTH and FREDERIC, are seen appearing at ruined window.

They enter cautiously, and come down stage on tiptoe.

POLICESAMUEL is laden with burglarious tools and pistols, etc)

POLICECHORUS—PIRATES (very loud)

POLICEWith cat-like tread,

POLICEUpon our prey we steal;

POLICEIn silence dread,

POLICEOur cautious way we feel.

POLICENo sound at all!

POLICEWe never speak a word;

A fly's foot-fall

POLICEWould be distinctly heard—

POLICE(softly)       Tarantara, tarantara!

PIRATESSo stealthily the pirate creeps,

PIRATESWhile all the household soundly sleeps.

PIRATESCome, friends, who plough the sea,

PIRATESTruce to navigation;

PIRATESTake another station;

PIRATESLet's vary piracee

PIRATESWith a little burglaree!

POLICE(softly)       Tarantara, tarantara!

SAMUEL(distributing implements to various members of the

SAMUELgang)

SAMUELHere's your crowbar and your centrebit,

SAMUELYour life-preserver—you may want to hit!

SAMUELYour silent matches, your dark lantern seize,

SAMUELTake your file and your skeletonic keys.

POLICETarantara!

PIRATESWith cat-like tread

POLICETarantara!

PIRATESin silence dread,

Enter KING, FREDERIC and RUTH

PIRATESALL (fortissimo).

PIRATESWith cat-like tread, etc.

FREDERICHush, hush!  not a word; I see a light inside!

FREDERICThe Major-Gen'ral comes, so quickly hide!

PIRATESYes, yes, the Major-General comes!

Exeunt KING, FREDERIC, SAMUEL, and RUTH

POLICEYes, yes, the Major-General comes!

entering in dressing-gown, carrying a light

GENERALYes, yes, the Major-General comes!

GENERALTormented with the anguish dread

GENERALOf falsehood unatoned,

GENERALI lay upon my sleepless bed,

GENERALAnd tossed and turned and groaned.

GENERALThe man who finds his conscience ache

GENERALNo peace at all enjoys;

GENERALAnd as I lay in bed awake,

GENERALI thought I heard a noise.

MEN:He thought he heard a noise—  ha! ha!

GENERALNo, all is still

GENERALIn dale, on hill;

GENERALMy mind is set at ease—

GENERALSo still the scene,

GENERALIt must have been

The sighing of the breeze.

Sighing softly to the river

GENERALComes the loving breeze,

GENERALSetting nature all a-quiver,

GENERALRustling through the trees.

MEN:Through the trees.

GENERALAnd the brook, in rippling measure,

Laughs for very love,

GENERALWhile the poplars, in their pleasure,

GENERALWave their arms above.

MEN:Yes, the trees, for very love,

MEN:Wave their leafy arms above.

ALL:River, river, little river,

ALL:May thy loving prosper ever!

ALL:Heaven speed thee, poplar tree,

ALL:May thy wooing happy be.

GENERALYet, the breeze is but a rover,

GENERALWhen he wings away,

GENERALBrook and poplar mourn a lover

GENERALSighing," Well-a-day!"

MEN:Well-a-day!

GENERALAh!  the doing and undoing,

GENERALThat the rogue could tell!

GENERALWhen the breeze is out a-wooing,

GENERALWho can woo so well?

MEN:Shocking tales the rogue could tell,

MEN:Nobody can woo so well.

ALL:Pretty brook, thy dream is over,

ALL:For thy love is but a rover;

ALL:Sad the lot of poplar trees,

ALL:Courted by a fickle breeze!

(Enter the MAJOR-GENERAL's daughters, led by MABEL, all in white

ALL:peignoirs and night-caps, and carrying lighted candles)

GIRLSNow what is this, and what is that, and why does father

leave his rest

GIRLSAt such a time of night as this, so very incompletely

GIRLSdressed?

GIRLSDear father is, and always was, the most methodical of

GIRLSmen!

GIRLSIt's his invariable rule to go to bed at half-past ten.

GIRLSWhat strange occurrence can it be that calls dear

GIRLSfather from his rest

GIRLSAt such a time of night as this, so very incompletely

GIRLSdressed?

Enter KING, SAMUEL, and FREDERIC

KINGForward, my men, and seize that General there!  His

KINGlife is over.

They seize the GENERAL

GIRLSThe pirates!  the pirates!  Oh, despair!

PIRATES(springing up)  Yes, we're the pirates, so despair!

GENERALFrederic here!  Oh, joy!  Oh.

GENERALrapture!

GENERALSummon your men and effect their capture!

MABELFrederic, save us!

FREDERICBeautiful Mabel,

FREDERICI would if I could, but I am not able.

PIRATESHe's telling the truth, he is not able.

KINGWith base deceit

KINGYou worked upon our feelings!

KINGRevenge is sweet,

KINGAnd flavours all our dealings!

KINGWith courage rare

KINGAnd resolution manly,

KINGFor death prepare,

KINGUnhappy Gen'ral Stanley.

MABEL(wildly)  Is he to die, unshriven, unannealed?

GIRLSOh, spare him!

MABELWill no one in his cause a weapon wield?

GIRLSOh, spare him!

POLICE(springing up)  Yes, we are here, though hitherto

POLICEconcealed!

GIRLSOh, rapture!

POLICESo to Constabulary, pirates yield!

GIRLSOh, rapture!

GIRLS(A struggle ensues between Pirates and Police, RUTH tackling the

Eventually the Police are overcome and fall

SERGEANTprostrate, the Pirates standing over them with drawn

SERGEANTswords)

SYSTEMPIRATES                               POLICE

CHORUSWe triumph now, for well we           You triumph now, for well we

CHORUStrow                                  trow

CHORUSYour mortal career's cut short;       Our mortal career's cut

CHORUSshort;

CHORUSNo pirate band will take its          No pirate band will take its

CHORUSstand                                 stand

CHORUSAt the Central Criminal Court.

CHORUSAt the Central Criminal

CHORUSCourt.

SERGEANTTo gain a brief advantage you've contrived,

SERGEANTBut your proud triumph will not be long-lived

KINGDon't say you are orphans, for we know that game.

SERGEANTOn your allegiance we've a stronger claim.

SERGEANTWe charge you yield, we charge you yield,

SERGEANTIn Queen Victoria's name!

KING(baffled)  You do?

POLICEWe do!

POLICEWe charge you yield,

POLICEIn Queen Victoria's name!

PIRATES kneel, POLICE stand over them triumphantly

KINGWe yield at once, with humbled mien,

KINGBecause, with all our faults, we love our Queen.

POLICEYes, yes, with all their faults, they love their Queen.

ALL:Yes, yes, with all their faults, they love their Queen.

ALL:(POLICE, holding PIRATES by the collar, take out handkerchiefs

and weep)

GENERALAway with them, and place them at the bar!

Enter RUTH

RUTHOne moment!  let me tell you who they are.

RUTHThey are no members of the common throng;

RUTHThey are all noblemen who have gone wrong.

ALL:They are all noblemen who have gone wrong.

GENERALNo Englishman unmoved that statement hears,

GENERALBecause, with all our faults, we love our House of

GENERALPeers.

All kneel

GENERALI pray you, pardon me, ex-Pirate King!

GENERALPeers will be peers, and youth will have its fling.

GENERALResume your ranks and legislative duties,

GENERALAnd take my daughters, all of whom are beauties.

GENERALFINALE—MABEL, EDITH and ENSEMBLE

GENERALPoor wandering ones!

GENERALThough ye have surely strayed,

GENERALTake heart of grace,

GENERALYour steps retrace,

GENERALPoor wandering ones!

GENERALIf such poor love as ours

GENERALCan help you find

GENERALTrue peace of mind,

GENERALWhy, take it, it is yours!

ALL:Poor wandering ones! etc.